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Humor

Stories in this genre involve humorous observations on life, slapstick comedy, satire and funny people thrown into everyday situations. Plots either focus on the ridiculous or include comedic injections throughout the story. If you think laughter is the best medicine, submit your funny stories here or take a look at one of the submissions below for a good dose of humour.

13

Cat Confessions

Hello, hoomans of the interwebz, my name is Rudolph Valentino, but I just get called Tino for short. Other names of mine are little shit or Turd-meister because instead of doing my business outside in the dirt, I choose to go indoors. I especially like to go into the bedrooms of my hoomans, burrow under their sleeping areas and go there. I do not tell them I have done this, instead, I wait for...Read On

2

The Dinner Party.

A true story

I remember it was the year that I finally won the lawsuit that I had filed four years ago.  It was a very sizable amount and to celebrate I quit my job. I then contacted my stunning model friend and asked if her numerous offers to visit and stay with her in Fort Lauderdale were still good, and they were. To this day there are still people that believe that we were having sex. No one wanted...Read On

13

And So It Begins...

Everyone wins and loses with inappropriate behavior...

Good Afternoon, Unfine Sir, This morning, there was an incident where a group of grade one girls were swearing on the hill during recess. Your daughter was involved. She admitted to saying the f*** and sh** words at recess with her friends, but said she did not know what the words meant. After a few more questions, she admitted she knew that they were swearing words. I talked with all...Read On

1

An Incident At The Range

A True Story

Long before I was sworn in a full-time police officer, I spent many years as a security officer. Now security officers or rent-a-cops don't hold a real high slot in the hierarchy of law enforcement due to a variety of reasons. Most of the time they are just warm bodies in blue uniforms. They receive no formalized training. And usually, it's a company supervisor that instructs new hires in...Read On

8

Grave Language

It's a Dad's responsibility to teach them right...

I recognized that look. That distinctively mischievous grin of a Cheshire Cat. That smirk of having swallowed Granny’s Tweety Bird. That poorly hidden giggle of having released, in the back seat, a silent killer with hopes that blame would befall his sister. The boy was bursting at the seams. He wanted to tell me, but was unsure he should. However, he had to tell someone, and the other...Read On

11

Lessons Taught, Lessons Learned

Fathers have more impact on our sons than we sometimes realize...

As a father, a dad, a guy trying to be a guy’s guy, I am charged with teaching my son the ways of the world, as seen through my eyes, as guys have taught their masculine flesh and blood for millennia. One invaluable taught lesson is being able to write one’s name in the snow, no hands preferably, but improbably, but highly impressive to future bros, especially after a bender. However, at...Read On

4

Kiss the Bride

This was, after all, the night

Randall was propped against the Formica and vinyl-clad wet bar at the Alverton Volunteer Fire Department Social Hall. At the opposite side of the space, next to a long table of cookies, the polka band had launched into a zesty rendition of the Chicken Dance. Guests wove through a garden of dining tables toward the dance floor. Randall tipped his glass toward a purple-chiffoned bridesmaid...Read On

8

Pastoral Visit

Brother Pitman pays a call

"You've been good today, so when we get home, you c'n have some ice cream." Aunt Charlotte holds his hand as they walk out of the white clapboarded church into the spring air. Up ahead, at the foot of the steps, Brother Pitman shakes a hand, then another, smiling at each face of a sister or brother. His preaching lasted forever today, with lots of rumbling breaths and flipping his bible...Read On

2

Arnold the Assassin (short story)

I wrote this on like 2 hours of sleep, but it was in high demand

Earl had finally driven away from the isolated home in the middle of nowhere. The home was obviously rundown and in need of repair, but the obese middle-aged man couldn’t be bothered to fix anything. He didn’t care about the condition of his home so long as the fridge had cold beer. A lone black car pulled up to the residence, and a tall, thin man in an overcoat and fedora stepped out. He...Read On

8

Open Letters - 2

More general open letters

Back by popular demand! Here are some more general open letters from my life, for you, my internet friends. Dear Hanukkah food- You are so delicious and so tasty. I'm not even 'properly' Jewish but I would convert just for the food. A Holiday where deep fried foods are eaten? Yes, please. It's not good for my waist line, but the food is just so tasty, and apparently I have weak will power....Read On

5

Janet and John - The Fish Shop Encounter

John fetches some fish and chips on his way home.

A story written in the style of the Janet and John books that I used to read as a child. In this story, though, Janet is John's wife. John can be rather simple, and she always sends him out on errands for her. This story is not as innocent as the original books, but I hope you enjoy it. Today is Friday, and Janet has decided that they would have a fish and chip takeaway for dinner. Friday...Read On

3

Captian Scrotum and the SS thrust: Chapter 17 (last chapter)

Scrotum escaped from Knob, but look like he isnt out of trouble yet.

Chapter 17 Not Alone Scrotum was sitting on the floor, in a little pain, having shoulder banged the door, without success. “Lilly, can Anna remove the Magnetic device and open the door?” “I’m afraid Anna was a little damaged when Sweet-Cheeks bashed her head in. Then she hit the Hunter. After she had put you to bed, I started the repair cycle, but she is offline right now. She should be...Read On

3

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: chapter 16

How is Scrotum going to get out of this mess, and will Lilly be ok?

Chapter 16 The final scream of the Mia. Roberto smiled as he looked at the screen, his A.I. AR-K0N-X3 had infiltrated the L1’s program, as he knew it would, his Arkon was far superior, stolen from a battleship. Sweet-Cheeks didn’t like this, Scrotum had saved her life, even if he was a useless, smelly man and there was no chance of her ever sleeping with him. Roberto wasn’t the nicest man...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust: chapter 15

Knobs on the Thrust and Roberto wants him dead. Just another thing Scrotum has to try and deal with

Chapter 15 Aboard The Thrust. Scrotum was sitting on the toilet hiding, He knew Knob was on his ship, and Lilly was trying to get him off. “Why don’t you just leave the ship, big Knob,” Lilly suggested. “Worse case scenario, you will be beamed into space and die. It will be quick.” “Thank you Li1, but I think I will wait here,” Knob replied, with a touch of sarcasm. Knob entered...Read On

10

Open Letters

General open letters

Unlike my other two 'Open letters' that I have written, these are very general and do not fit into any specific category like my makeup and underwear open letters. These are just general topics from my everyday life, that I am sharing with you, my internet friends. Also, on a side note, apparently open letters are now my thing as this will be the third 'installment' of open letters I...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust, chapter 14

It's a Knob!!!

Chapter 14 The Return Of The Knob Scrotum rolled over, his hand landing on something squishy. He squeezed it. He knew a nipple when he felt one. He squeezed it again as he opened his eyes, smiling, as he looked at who was next to him. “Fuck!” he shouted as he jumped up, gawking at Sweets-Cheeks dead sister.  He placed his hand out squeezing her cold breast one more time before leaving the...Read On

12

17 Alternatives to NaNoWriMo

Not feeling the love for National Novel Writing Month? Here are some other options...

1. NaNO!WriMo: Do not write anything — not a single word — for 30 days. The challenge is tougher than it might seem. 2. NaDoWriMo: Chronicle every episode of The Simpsons in which Homer exclaims, "D'oh!" This, of course, requires watching every episode of The Simpsons. Not a bad way to spend the month. 3. NaSloWriMo: Writing shouldn't be a race. Take it slowly, savoring the...Read On

6

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust: chapter 13

The Chapter heading says it all. Guess who's back!

Chapter 13 Guess Who’s Back. Marvin had docked his cloaked ship and teleported into the engine room of the Screaming Mia, killing everyone who was there. Then he plugged a device into the Ship's computer and transmitted a virus to disable the ship’s AI, and turned off the main power. The backup lighting and life support were still working, but gravity had been reduced. The door opened, and...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: Chapter 11 and 12

Trapped on asroide, with a man who enjoys porn too much and a psychoti computer, poor Sweet-Cheeks

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to the content of a sexual nature. Chapter 11 Unexpected Help The ship was nearly ready when Lilly sounded an alarm. Scrotum turned off the porn to see what was wrong. “Lilly what's going on?”...Read On

13

Open Letters To My Makeup

Open letters to my makeup

It seems I have two weaknesses in this world. Well, three if you count Stephen Colbert, but my two main weaknesses seem to be underwear and makeup. Every single time I visit the local Plaza, or indeed the bigger Mall in the next town over, I find myself drifting towards the makeup counters and striking up conversations with the men and women who work there, about makeup. Asking questions to...Read On

3

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: Chapter 10

Lilly is back, but the Ship needs patching up. Lilly chose Sweet-Cheeks for the job.

Chapter 10. No one can hear you moan in space Lilly instructed Sweet-Cheeks on how to use the Sealant gun “The sealant hardens to a non-conductive solid substance it will fill the hole and protect the inner shell from and rock collisions.” The full-size O-cylinder was heavy and with the sealant pack also strapped to her back in the ship she could hardly move. She placed the I-watch on so...Read On

5

Locke & Keys: A Henchman's Handicap

An extract from the Journal of the almost notorious Marlon Keys.

Reader discretion is advised.     The first few lines of this work contain language or other material that some readers may find offensive.  By choosing to view the piece in its entirety, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to vulgar or profane language, or to mature content.   * * *   Take it from a henchman. Few crimes are quite as inauspicious as kidnapping.  ...Read On

11

Stand Straight When Smoking/ Two Slim

I wrote this back in 2014, if you have patience for the story to gain momentum, you will enjoy..

**Picks up a cigarette. Lights it. Puff puff, Cough, cough (chokes). Switches it off** I don’t even like smoking. Worse still I am right outside a cancer ward. Alright, I don’t even know how I’m gonna start this story. Physical appearance? Boy, would I like to address that elephant in the room. I am not an elephant per se, but if you put two slim bodies together, they would probably fit in...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: Chapter 9

Dead in space, Life suport off line, its going to get hot and sweaty. Can they fix Lilly?

Chapter 9 Turn Lilly on Marvin looked on in astonishment. No sane person would take cover in an asteroid field, and if the Whorea died, he wouldn’t get paid. He should have kept one prisoner and killed the rest, but he had been enjoying the hunt, killing them in turn till there was only one left. How was he supposed to know this one was suicidal. Whoreas were meant to be similar to...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust: Chapter 8

lost in an asteroid field, in a damaged ship, what else can go wrong.

Chapter 8 Asto-Annoyed Scrotum was screaming and wheezing, he had dropped his inhaler and was trying to avoid hundreds of rocks. Lilly swung the ship to the left pitched it slightly and looped over a giant asteroid, but Scrotum was turning blue, “Help me,” he wheezed.  Sweet cheeks saw the inhaler and went to grab it as the ship lurched forward avoiding another collision. Sweet-Cheeks...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust, chapter 7

looks like Scrotum is in trouble again.

Chapter 7 a simple repair done badly. Scrotum looked out of the window to the airlock. He knew there were many ways to die out there in the cold vacuum of space. He couldn’t understand why the engine was overheating. It was so cold out there someone would freeze to death within a minute, if not for the protective forcefields. Scrotum slipped on his magnetic boots, then his force field...Read On

7

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust chapter sex ... er six

Scrotum and Sweet-Cheeks are on there way, but a hunter is right on their tails.

Chapter sex, er, six. The Hunter General Knob limped out of the lower shuttle and storage area. He was looking for the owner of the station, intending to get information on this Captain Scrot and the woman on the Thrust. When Scrot had dropped him he had landed on his Simons, breaking his fall but braking Simons arm. Still, it had hurt, but not as mush as his balls hurt. That woman had kneed...Read On

9

Just a Draft

The battle of writing

The pale white walls and the shining light made the woman in the hospital room squint in frustration. She grunted in pain as she felt that her baby was ready to come into the world. The doctor commanded her to push hard but with every small push, it was agony. After many long hours, the baby was finally born making the woman happy, but her heart sunk when she heard the Doctor. "Quick we...Read On

7

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: chapter 5

Well Scrotum and Sweet-cheeks better get out of there soon

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature. Chapter 5 Undignified Departure Scrotum had a look in the cargo bay. Fortunately, there was no one there. He wandered over to the naked, blue woman portrait...Read On

10

Captian Scrotum and the SS thrust, chapter 4

poor Scrotum cant get a brake lol

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature. Chapter4 A Massive Knob. General Knob sat in his hover pod. This was a waste of time. No one would be stupid enough to access the biorecognition for a dead...Read On