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Humor

Stories in this genre involve humorous observations on life, slapstick comedy, satire and funny people thrown into everyday situations. Plots either focus on the ridiculous or include comedic injections throughout the story. If you think laughter is the best medicine, submit your funny stories here or take a look at one of the submissions below for a good dose of humour.

2

Arnold the Assassin (short story)

I wrote this on like 2 hours of sleep, but it was in high demand

Earl had finally driven away from the isolated home in the middle of nowhere. The home was obviously rundown and in need of repair, but the obese middle-aged man couldn’t be bothered to fix anything. He didn’t care about the condition of his home so long as the fridge had cold beer. A lone black car pulled up to the residence, and a tall, thin man in an overcoat and fedora stepped out. He...Read On

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Open Letters - 2

More general open letters

Back by popular demand! Here are some more general open letters from my life, for you, my internet friends. Dear Hanukkah food- You are so delicious and so tasty. I'm not even 'properly' Jewish but I would convert just for the food. A Holiday where deep fried foods are eaten? Yes, please. It's not good for my waist line, but the food is just so tasty, and apparently I have weak will power....Read On

5

Janet and John - The Fish Shop Encounter

John fetches some fish and chips on his way home.

A story written in the style of the Janet and John books that I used to read as a child. In this story, though, Janet is John's wife. John can be rather simple, and she always sends him out on errands for her. This story is not as innocent as the original books, but I hope you enjoy it. Today is Friday, and Janet has decided that they would have a fish and chip takeaway for dinner. Friday...Read On

3

Captian Scrotum and the SS thrust: Chapter 17 (last chapter)

Scrotum escaped from Knob, but look like he isnt out of trouble yet.

Chapter 17 Not Alone Scrotum was sitting on the floor, in a little pain, having shoulder banged the door, without success. “Lilly, can Anna remove the Magnetic device and open the door?” “I’m afraid Anna was a little damaged when Sweet-Cheeks bashed her head in. Then she hit the Hunter. After she had put you to bed, I started the repair cycle, but she is offline right now. She should be...Read On

3

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: chapter 16

How is Scrotum going to get out of this mess, and will Lilly be ok?

Chapter 16 The final scream of the Mia. Roberto smiled as he looked at the screen, his A.I. AR-K0N-X3 had infiltrated the L1’s program, as he knew it would, his Arkon was far superior, stolen from a battleship. Sweet-Cheeks didn’t like this, Scrotum had saved her life, even if he was a useless, smelly man and there was no chance of her ever sleeping with him. Roberto wasn’t the nicest man...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust: chapter 15

Knobs on the Thrust and Roberto wants him dead. Just another thing Scrotum has to try and deal with

Chapter 15 Aboard The Thrust. Scrotum was sitting on the toilet hiding, He knew Knob was on his ship, and Lilly was trying to get him off. “Why don’t you just leave the ship, big Knob,” Lilly suggested. “Worse case scenario, you will be beamed into space and die. It will be quick.” “Thank you Li1, but I think I will wait here,” Knob replied, with a touch of sarcasm. Knob entered...Read On

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Open Letters

General open letters

Unlike my other two 'Open letters' that I have written, these are very general and do not fit into any specific category like my makeup and underwear open letters. These are just general topics from my everyday life, that I am sharing with you, my internet friends. Also, on a side note, apparently open letters are now my thing as this will be the third 'installment' of open letters I...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust, chapter 14

It's a Knob!!!

Chapter 14 The Return Of The Knob Scrotum rolled over, his hand landing on something squishy. He squeezed it. He knew a nipple when he felt one. He squeezed it again as he opened his eyes, smiling, as he looked at who was next to him. “Fuck!” he shouted as he jumped up, gawking at Sweets-Cheeks dead sister.  He placed his hand out squeezing her cold breast one more time before leaving the...Read On

12

17 Alternatives to NaNoWriMo

Not feeling the love for National Novel Writing Month? Here are some other options...

1. NaNO!WriMo: Do not write anything — not a single word — for 30 days. The challenge is tougher than it might seem. 2. NaDoWriMo: Chronicle every episode of The Simpsons in which Homer exclaims, "D'oh!" This, of course, requires watching every episode of The Simpsons. Not a bad way to spend the month. 3. NaSloWriMo: Writing shouldn't be a race. Take it slowly, savoring the...Read On

6

Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust: chapter 13

The Chapter heading says it all. Guess who's back!

Chapter 13 Guess Who’s Back. Marvin had docked his cloaked ship and teleported into the engine room of the Screaming Mia, killing everyone who was there. Then he plugged a device into the Ship's computer and transmitted a virus to disable the ship’s AI, and turned off the main power. The backup lighting and life support were still working, but gravity had been reduced. The door opened, and...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: Chapter 11 and 12

Trapped on asroide, with a man who enjoys porn too much and a psychoti computer, poor Sweet-Cheeks

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to the content of a sexual nature. Chapter 11 Unexpected Help The ship was nearly ready when Lilly sounded an alarm. Scrotum turned off the porn to see what was wrong. “Lilly what's going on?”...Read On

14

Open Letters To My Makeup

Open letters to my makeup

It seems I have two weaknesses in this world. Well, three if you count Stephen Colbert, but my two main weaknesses seem to be underwear and makeup. Every single time I visit the local Plaza, or indeed the bigger Mall in the next town over, I find myself drifting towards the makeup counters and striking up conversations with the men and women who work there, about makeup. Asking questions to...Read On

3

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: Chapter 10

Lilly is back, but the Ship needs patching up. Lilly chose Sweet-Cheeks for the job.

Chapter 10. No one can hear you moan in space Lilly instructed Sweet-Cheeks on how to use the Sealant gun “The sealant hardens to a non-conductive solid substance it will fill the hole and protect the inner shell from and rock collisions.” The full-size O-cylinder was heavy and with the sealant pack also strapped to her back in the ship she could hardly move. She placed the I-watch on so...Read On

11

Stand Straight When Smoking/ Two Slim

I wrote this back in 2014, if you have patience for the story to gain momentum, you will enjoy..

**Picks up a cigarette. Lights it. Puff puff, Cough, cough (chokes). Switches it off** I don’t even like smoking. Worse still I am right outside a cancer ward. Alright, I don’t even know how I’m gonna start this story. Physical appearance? Boy, would I like to address that elephant in the room. I am not an elephant per se, but if you put two slim bodies together, they would probably fit in...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: Chapter 9

Dead in space, Life suport off line, its going to get hot and sweaty. Can they fix Lilly?

Chapter 9 Turn Lilly on Marvin looked on in astonishment. No sane person would take cover in an asteroid field, and if the Whorea died, he wouldn’t get paid. He should have kept one prisoner and killed the rest, but he had been enjoying the hunt, killing them in turn till there was only one left. How was he supposed to know this one was suicidal. Whoreas were meant to be similar to...Read On

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Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust: Chapter 8

lost in an asteroid field, in a damaged ship, what else can go wrong.

Chapter 8 Asto-Annoyed Scrotum was screaming and wheezing, he had dropped his inhaler and was trying to avoid hundreds of rocks. Lilly swung the ship to the left pitched it slightly and looped over a giant asteroid, but Scrotum was turning blue, “Help me,” he wheezed.  Sweet cheeks saw the inhaler and went to grab it as the ship lurched forward avoiding another collision. Sweet-Cheeks...Read On

5

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust, chapter 7

looks like Scrotum is in trouble again.

Chapter 7 a simple repair done badly. Scrotum looked out of the window to the airlock. He knew there were many ways to die out there in the cold vacuum of space. He couldn’t understand why the engine was overheating. It was so cold out there someone would freeze to death within a minute, if not for the protective forcefields. Scrotum slipped on his magnetic boots, then his force field...Read On

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Captain Scrotum and the SS thrust chapter sex ... er six

Scrotum and Sweet-Cheeks are on there way, but a hunter is right on their tails.

Chapter sex, er, six. The Hunter General Knob limped out of the lower shuttle and storage area. He was looking for the owner of the station, intending to get information on this Captain Scrot and the woman on the Thrust. When Scrot had dropped him he had landed on his Simons, breaking his fall but braking Simons arm. Still, it had hurt, but not as mush as his balls hurt. That woman had kneed...Read On

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Just a Draft

The battle of writing

The pale white walls and the shining light made the woman in the hospital room squint in frustration. She grunted in pain as she felt that her baby was ready to come into the world. The doctor commanded her to push hard but with every small push, it was agony. After many long hours, the baby was finally born making the woman happy, but her heart sunk when she heard the Doctor. "Quick we...Read On

7

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust: chapter 5

Well Scrotum and Sweet-cheeks better get out of there soon

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature. Chapter 5 Undignified Departure Scrotum had a look in the cargo bay. Fortunately, there was no one there. He wandered over to the naked, blue woman portrait...Read On

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Captian Scrotum and the SS thrust, chapter 4

poor Scrotum cant get a brake lol

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature. Chapter4 A Massive Knob. General Knob sat in his hover pod. This was a waste of time. No one would be stupid enough to access the biorecognition for a dead...Read On

3

Nigerian internet riches are soon to be mine!

I tried to imagine the mind set of someone who would believe the scammers.

Hey Suzy, In the last two weeks I have received five amazing internet offers. Each was from an individual who desired to make me the recipient of a bodaciously huge sum of cash. Three of these offers were from various Nigerian bank employees. Men with larceny in their hearts who were looking for the same among folks in the good old USA. It starts with Dr. Ramadan Abdu, who is, or was...Read On

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Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust chapter 3

Who is this armed, sexy woman, and what does she want with Scrotum & What is a Whorea

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature. Chapter 3 Whorea’s and Whore’s “First, you can call me Sweet-Cheeks,” the beautiful woman started to explain. Scrotum stared at her longingly. It had been an...Read On

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Captain Scrotum And The SS Thrust chapter 2

Wow a Dead body, guards have been dispactched, and his uncle is out side... whats he going to do?

Chapter 2 Hide the body. “Lilly!" Scrotum shouted while panicking, “How long will it take the cleaning bot to clean this mess up?” “I’m sorry sexy ass. I am not programmed to move dead bodies.” Scrotum rushed over and picked up the dead woman,  “Now you clean and I will hide her.” Scrotum shouted to Lilly. “What every you desire hot stuff,” Lilly replied back. Scrotum staggered down...Read On

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Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust

Welcome to the world of the most usless space pirate that ever lived.

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust The year is 2462, and the earth is dead. What was left of its population spread through the heavens looking for a new home. Of course, once they left earth they found out they weren't alone in the universe. The rest of the sentient life forms had just been hiding from the destructive, backward human race. They had been manipulating images and shielding the...Read On

12

Zander....the continuing Saga!

She ducks when she sees a good sized bird flying straight at her head!

“ Zander.....the continuing Saga!” Well, it's been over a month since we adopted Zander, a very interesting month if I may say so.....and I do! So I'm thinking you need an update on his progress. During his second week, he grew more feathers on his wings and tail. His tail went from about one inch to two. In the following weeks, he took to flying around more and more, both inside and out....Read On

11

A Little Gift from Hades!

Ed said, “Better watch out, it'll probably bite you.”

Alexander aka Zander Week One It was the beginning of June, actually June 6th when he came into our life. I was in the office going over my email when Ed entered the house and announced, “There's a young Magpie just behind the house, must have just fallen out of the nest and the cats haven't found it yet.” I of course, had to have a look. With all our barn cats around, (eleven)...Read On

3

To Kill a Fruit Fly

An assassin bug gives a fruit fly the day of his life.

Just that morning, the assassin bug had thoughts about retiring. Not that he wasn’t doing great; he was at the top of his game. But he had this nagging feeling that he was beginning, just beginning, to lose his edge. And an assassin bug with no edge is in the wrong business. He hadn’t always worked the trade. Not too long ago he was flipping maggots in some greasy log, barely getting by....Read On

9

The Last Words of Bruno

Who knew Bruno had so much to say?

Bruno was on his deathbed. He’d lived a good long life, closing in on eighty-four years old. The Salerno family, from south Philly, gathered around: Mom, dad, son, and daughter. Mom could barely contain herself. She placed her hand on her loved ones’ brow, sobbing uncontrollably. Bruno turned his head towards her. He struggled to lift it up, inching closer, as if to tell her something,...Read On

4

Random Acts of Dialogue

Penny Lane

Random acts of dialogue. Dialogue in any book is great storytelling. Right after the hook to reel the reader in, dialogue is the mover and shaker of any novel. Dickens might have argued that narration and flowery descriptions were the backbone. However, I beg to differ with him. I thought of this scene where two former lovers meet again after 30 years. Setting: a seedy bar in the...Read On