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Reflections on the monster

Tags: mood, monster

I have to seek the help of a psychiatrist. My job requires being in permanent tension, and that is taking its toll on me. I am single, and I work in stock exchange, and my working days are eternal, frequently they last for more than twelve hours. I am accumulating a good amount of money, but my health is being affected by that.

Sometimes it appears without warning. I am so calm and zas!, There it is again. I sincerely believe that it is a pathology. The depressive state is all-embracing. I have to find the means to fight it.

It is a state of discouragement, a state which defies everything. Another fundamental characteristic is that it is an obsessive state, that is to say, I am incapable of seeing any distinct thing it may not be to contemplating such state or being imprisoned of that state. This way of expressing it is not very exact because it uses the dichotomy that the monster is different from myself when clearly the monster and I are the same things.

Another question is to ask if there is anything that produces it. Although it seems to appear without warning, there may be a stimulus that I cannot see and that triggers their appearance. In any case, it disappears in the same way that it appears, and when it disappears, everything returns to normal.

It occurred to me that I could find a solution: to be alert and when it happens, to distance myself from that state of mind and try to see it as an object of analysis outside of me. I have noticed that when I do this, the problem disappears. And I think it disappears because I and the monster are one thing, When I take distance, that union is broken and there is nothing to observe, I get rid of the monster.


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