Having felt and heard something in the air, with both things hitting right about sun down and now trying to figure out exactly what was felt and heard outside, as I sit here now in this darkened theatre. Watching as the spotlights slowly come up one by one, and almost as if on cue out come the jesters 1, 2, 3. And sitting here, and hearing the music slowly starting to come up, as I now find myself looking to the left, then to the right observing the crowd that’s here. As I feel uncomfortable sitting here with that feeling that’s hanging over me, and seeing at those jesters on stage being free from that dark Northern courtyard. While I sit here watching and hearing their fickle and fuddled words come forth, as I feel a touch of that mixed up confusion begin to rise up in me.

Sitting here watching and hearing all that’s on stage, all the while I am feeling like the shadows outside are moving again, and having the sure feeling that a bad moon is slowly rising as the third act ends. Knowing tonight nothing will drive the shadows away but, just have to beat them for now and seeing that almost all being the same, having only those faces and names change, with this just being another of those places where those faces are all so cold.

And the time has come and the jesters have finished their acts, as I start to make my way out again with that faceless crowd around me like a form of cover. As all around seems to be nothing but swirling masses of grey, black, and white. With all being like a twisting of fate or some sort of sleight of hand as all seems to be gone, I feel like I am hearing inside of me that false clock ticking as it slowly un-winds. Just as the crowd thins out and I am finding myself looking a certain face in the eyes, and suddenly I am feeling as though I’m alone against a wall with them as the firing party. And it feels as though the lights just went out and I am feeling like I can’t be saved here in the moonlight, as I start feeling pangs of fear washing over me and knowing now what was being felt tonight.

Once we were strange allies with warring hearts and spirits, and now we are both staring the other down as we both try not to blink first. Which has me wondering as well if the hangman is coming down from the gallows now? Or do I simply stand here and hope that the bullets when fired will again pass over my head? As we stand here in that moon’s light at stalemate with neither moving, and standing firm and refusing to yield allowing even an inch.

And looking into those red and ruined looking eyes, I see the hurt and pain that they have caused for all from their lies, and knowing as they look into my tired and jaundiced feeling eyes that they see nothing. And as I turn and walk away to where I need to go, reciting an ancient litany against fear , and filing this encounter away and wondering if there will be any or no future comebacks from this moment in time?

Copyright May 2005: Timberwolf International LTD.