In A Lifetime
Closing these tired eyes of mine and feeling my mind slip back to the days when I seemed to come up with fire in my eyes when promises were broken, and the seasons passed by like the shadows of clouds passed across the face of the mountains. Once it seemed enough to see the sun in the winter when standing out in the sand hills, back when it seemed as if everything mattered and had some sort of importance. Instead of seeing hopes being shattered like glass by fools and their lies, which only makes me dig in deeper and stand my ground. I sometimes feel as if I have been discarded, and wonder if there is any reason that really matters.
Hard to tell or recognize any signs other than those of warning on the horizon whether I like it or not, with feelings that are void of emotion and I hope it is understood and my hand won’t be let go. Time is always moving, and soon all things will change, and still there is the thrill that seems to surface of going in for the kill which is hopefully understood by you. Still, I deal with those pointed threats, and scorn-filled bluffs as they tell me what they say they can do for me and I ain’t blind and don’t like what I think I see in all of what they offer. But, then they don’t know me, and they don’t know my kind in their world(s), and all should be taken out on the street (which has eyes), and we can then discuss it further. Shadows are starting to fall and time is running away, and I am carrying those scars the sun’s dark light couldn’t or wouldn’t heal with my sense of caring makes it all seem like darkness is beginning to fall.
I ain’t looking for anything in the vacuum of their eyes, and I know that behind all things of beauty there is some kind of pain. I know it looks at times as if I am moving, but I am mostly just standing still or like I am trying to run on ice. As they stand there playing with wasted words loud enough that a murmured prayer can’t be heard, and reminds me of the times I have been struck by sound across my face loud enough to taste it as it attempted to drive the choices and thoughts from my mind. Which makes it all easy to see that there really isn’t anything sacred, but then again I ain’t dead yet and am like a mad dog fighting with the wall against my back. Just being a catalyst like Dylan’s Jack of Hearts or the wild card in the deck.
Their disillusioned words are barked like bullets trying to hit the mark aimed for, and just makes it easy to know it’s just people’s games that need to be dodged like those obstacles I weave around that are placed in my way for I know the rules of the road and those signs that are read out here as I continue on down the line. While life still goes on and is more than who we are, and there might not be anything left to believe in. While there are those who just might startle you to hear that someone or somebody might have found you and really knows you. As a question is lit with me knowing there is no answer they can have that will never fit, and just reminds me not to quit and to not forget that she or he have no hold on you or I, but would rather have you or me in the hole that they are in or deep down in that whirlpool of lies near those rivers of blindness.
I can name where I have been and been there and back again and have tried to life with those memories while scuffing at their pettiness, and those things they defend that can’t be seen. That have been said by those who’s tongue seems to be on fire as they gargle with the rat race choir while those waterfalls of pity can be heard. As they feel free to openly criticize all the outsiders and those of them that are free, which prompts me to say and ask; okay, I’ve had enough and what else is there left for you to show me besides your rumours, innuendo, and gossip? Which can at times can feel as if injected with a poison as they pull you back in.
Old habits die hard, and I have carried my choices and hidden my regrets knowing there is a debt that one day will be paid for living my life. With there being those I have had their backs till the day that I die, though there are times when I look in that mirror on the shelf to make peace with the enemy that’s there and appearances change but don’t really change who and what we truly are. So, I guess I will not question all they have caused but won’t forget and in many cases, won’t forget, and just put one foot in front of the other foot and just continue on down the line carrying all those lessons learned and not pass through those doorways again as the cardinal rules of warfare come into play. I’ll bid them a fare thee well and not give a damn, with my boots pointed away heading on down the line.
Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. March 2017 – 21
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