I know my friends will tell me I’m foolish, and that I do deserve love. But, I know better. I've been used, abused, hurt, lied and painfully broken hearted. I've put my heart out there on the line to many times, and I can’t do it anymore.
I've been with all kinds, off-line and on-line and given my all. When I’m with someone, they have me fully. At times we moved slow, which was natural for us. Sometimes I’d move fast, because again it was what felt natural. I do what is right in my heart, in hopes I've done it right this time.
It’s clear I can’t ever do that, it’s never right.
I give my heart, I give my mind, I give my soul, and I give my sex. It’s all for you, to do as you like because you love me, right? You give me the same, or so you say. I think I feel it, it sure feels real and right to me.
It always comes so subtly that it changes, sometimes I’m so blind to it I don’t see it happen at all. That is until it’s too late. I beg, and plead, promising things will change. I thought you loved me, why the fuck are you giving up so easily?
It’s not love, I never loved you, it was puppy love, I fell outta love. I've heard it all. Don’t make me laugh, you’re just the same.
You don’t want my heart, my mind, my soul or my sex because you don’t want me. You don’t love me, it was all a game. You sick twisted fuck, how dare you?
I guess I was the stupid one though, to believe I found the one. I allowed you to hurt me again and again, thinking if I could change I’d be good enough. In the end, I never was good enough. You left so easily, and waved me away as though I was trash.
I know I am - trash that is. It’s been proven again and again.
I’ll never do this again, give my heart to someone. I have no heart. I've let it go deep inside me, wrapped in a thick layer of bricks, coated by ice and locked with a key that can’t ever be turned.
So, fuck it all. I’m done, goodbye.
My heart is gone, now all that is left is an empty shell of what was once yours to protect.
Thanks for reminding me, of what no good trash I truly am.
