Not Me

Would you believe me? Would you believe me if I said,

Young me--

oh so very young me,

Loved you?

You were my closest friend,

All of elementary school,

Helped me with fears of heights

And the shit that was gym,

Though you probably don't remember

any of that.

Do you?

If you do,

You should tell me,

Or should have,

Too late, now,

for that.

Middle school was living hell,

you know?

You weren't there! 

Friends are supposed to be there,

And you weren't, no matter how I tried.

Maybe it's stupid,

How attached I was,

How much it hurt,

How much it changed me,

But dammit all,

No matter what they say,

You were my first love.

First loves never leave you,

Not in the heart,

Maybe it's bad, or very sad,

But some days... some days,

I still want you to be here

I still want to wake up

And be able to hope that today

Today you'll ask me out.

I want to, but I don't hope,

Because you are too different now,

Too normal,

Too teenager,

Too guy

You aren't you anymore,

And,

I guess,

I'm not me anymore

either.