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Humor

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Stories in this genre involve humorous observations on life, slapstick comedy, satire and funny people thrown into everyday situations. Plots either focus on the ridiculous or include comedic injections throughout the story. If you think laughter is the best medicine, submit your funny stories here or take a look at one of the submissions below for a good dose of humour.

42

Splash!

On the golf course you can’t always iron out your differences.

Dreamcatcher, Larry, wrote a story last month ‘I’m Arnold Palmer’ which reminded me of a joke; Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day. They approached a par three hole where the green was located on an island in a large pond. The green was accessed by a long pathway from the left side of the green to the shore. It was a fairly long shot from the tee to the green across the pond....Read On

29

My Therapy Success: Overcoming Inappropriate Joking and Homonymphobia

Thank you, Dreamcatcher. Your great piece “Therapy” gave me the courage to share.

As I looked at my new psychiatrist Dr. Milford, I could see the gears turning. He had one of those transparent clocks in front of him on his desk. I could also see that he was thinking about what I had said. “So,” Dr. Milford said, “you are incapable of being serious about anything, you always act like a childish, boorish ass, and you alienate everyone with incessant silly,...Read On

28

SANTAPEDIA: Anti-Child Attitudes at the North Pole in the 1950’s

A union’s proposal jeopardizes child safety.

Overview Credible Christmas historians have long known that the North Pole was not always a child-friendly place. This was evident in the early 1950’s, when resentment over impossible Christmas Eve toy delivery schedules was intense. On February 11, 1952, the rancorous “This ain’t milk and cookies…” negotiating session took place at the North Pole. The following reconstruction of part of...Read On

17

Interactive Banking

Don't be deceived by appearances.

Interactive Banking It was not easy trying to make ends meet. Living in the city was expensive, and Megan was underpaid to do a dead-end job she was over qualified for. She didn’t have a lot of choice, however. Although she was actively searching for a better position, there were very few opportunities. She would have liked to move from the city to a smaller place where the cost of...Read On

16

Your Death: Thinking Outside the Box

Don’t be selfish and make your death all about you.

By using today’s technology you can lessen the pain that your passing causes loved ones. All it takes is a little bit of planning and the help of a trusted friend. What follows are observations and suggestions from people current, past, and passed about how to lessen shock and help people cope when you expire. (1) You are the best person to tell others that you are dead. So do it! ...Read On

15

The Mermaid Who Needed CPR: The Legend of Agapetos and Adonia

A hopeless romantic falls in love with an acerbic-tongued aquatically-challenged mermaid.

I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. I found out later that often happens when men meet mermaids. I still smile and feel warm and giddy inside when I remember the very first words that she said to me on that deserted beach. “Get the hell off of me, you pervert! What do you think you’re doing?” I removed my hands from her rib cage. “CPR,” I said. “You were unconscious,...Read On

15

How to Feel Younger without Exercising or Dieting

Slightly mean-spirited but proven techniques for people from forty thru eighty-nine!

Want to feel ten years younger? If you’re between forty and eighty-nine years old you can; just use the techniques that follow. (If you’re ninety or older these techniques will not work. Nothing will. Just try not to embarrass everyone by printing this out, smearing it with ketchup and eating it.) - Make a youthful fashion statement by mutilating yourself. Impale your privates! Stick...Read On

14

The Secret Life of Bellingham Sam

Meet Sam, a fellow with an active imagination, a lust for life and a real knack for storytelling...

  This story contains mature themes * * * Sam was startled — and annoyed — by the blaring of a car horn while he sat parked along with a thousand other drivers on Interstate 5. What exactly did the genius expect to accomplish by honking here when the logjam was well out of sight, probably several miles ahead? He shook his head. Not a local, that’s for sure, he reflected...Read On

14

And So It Begins...

Everyone wins and loses with inappropriate behavior...

Good Afternoon, Unfine Sir, This morning, there was an incident where a group of grade one girls were swearing on the hill during recess. Your daughter was involved. She admitted to saying the f*** and sh** words at recess with her friends, but said she did not know what the words meant. After a few more questions, she admitted she knew that they were swearing words. I talked with all...Read On

12

MEN!

What goes on outside your patio windows for all the nieghbors to see.....

Ah, Sunday morning. I had already started my weekend ritual by retrieving the Sunday paper from the front porch and retiring to the screened in patio with a cup of coffee. Sitting down, I flipped through the bundle of papers to find the Sunday morning comics. I always enjoy this quiet morning repast before I started my weekend chores. That's when I heard it. A terrible row or ruckus going in...Read On

12

Bite-Sized Giggles

Baking cookies is next to godliness...

So, if needed, this is what I’ll tell the police... When a child has a birthday, my daughter’s school, like probably most every other school, allows the students to bring, in celebration of their own birthday, treats for their classmates. Numerous times, my kids and I have had this conversation. I complain, saying that if it’s someone’s birthday, shouldn’t the class be treating the...Read On

11

Beezie, Angie, Swan Lake, and Me!

A lawyer who wants to dance ballet negotiates for his soul with Satan and an Angel.

“I’ll rip off one of those dumb horns and shove it up your nose you stupid, red jerk!” Angie shouted. The angel told me that I could call her Angie. “Go ahead! Try it, you disgusting, pathetic pure white virginal pompous prude!” Beezie retorted. “You’ll be sorry.” Beelzebub said I could call him Beezie “Please folks, can’t we all just get along?” I asked. That, of course, was me. Henry...Read On

11

Fifty Shades Of Gaye

An Acme Home and Leisure Publication: by David Gaye

This is ridiculous, now the boss has every girl in the department hard at it. He's getting desperate and I can scarcely believe what he's paying them all to do... trawling the Internet in search of a talented erotica author and reading embarrassing stories all day. "There must be somebody out there," the boss keeps saying. "For God's sake, find them." The boss wants a hit, inspired by...Read On

11

Zander....the continuing Saga!

She ducks when she sees a good sized bird flying straight at her head!

“ Zander.....the continuing Saga!” Well, it's been over a month since we adopted Zander, a very interesting month if I may say so.....and I do! So I'm thinking you need an update on his progress. During his second week, he grew more feathers on his wings and tail. His tail went from about one inch to two. In the following weeks, he took to flying around more and more, both inside and out....Read On

11

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust

Welcome to the world of the most usless space pirate that ever lived.

Captain Scrotum and the SS Thrust The year is 2462, and the earth is dead. What was left of its population spread through the heavens looking for a new home. Of course, once they left earth they found out they weren't alone in the universe. The rest of the sentient life forms had just been hiding from the destructive, backward human race. They had been manipulating images and shielding the...Read On

11

Open Letters To My Makeup

Open letters to my makeup

It seems I have two weaknesses in this world. Well, three if you count Stephen Colbert, but my two main weaknesses seem to be underwear and makeup. Every single time I visit the local Plaza, or indeed the bigger Mall in the next town over, I find myself drifting towards the makeup counters and striking up conversations with the men and women who work there, about makeup. Asking questions to...Read On

11

Lessons Taught, Lessons Learned

Fathers have more impact on our sons than we sometimes realize...

As a father, a dad, a guy trying to be a guy’s guy, I am charged with teaching my son the ways of the world, as seen through my eyes, as guys have taught their masculine flesh and blood for millennia. One invaluable taught lesson is being able to write one’s name in the snow, no hands preferably, but improbably, but highly impressive to future bros, especially after a bender. However, at...Read On

10

Confessions of a Prankster

Things I did as a fun loving teenager.

Everybody at one time or another has pulled a prank on a friend or friends. When age 19, I was a spot on prankster. I was constantly pulling pranks not on my friends but on perfect strangers. These were classics which to this day amaze everyone who knows about them. I am going to expose three that are my favorites. Prank One I grew up in the second largest city in New England in the...Read On

10

Of Hogs and Men

What’s a rib-busting bar fight compared to a run in with a wild boar hog in a briar patch?

Youth was not being served, at least not on the chessboard. It took a call from the hospital to halt the onslaught by the forces of Dr. Robert Miles against those of his grandson.  There’d been a bar fight. The loser was waiting in the emergency room. Having just finished his first year of medical school, Eli Stuart went along to watch, learn, and maybe help, the man who’d gotten him...Read On

10

What is it

Yes, I would have it no other way

I think I have came upon the answer that not only historians, but the women of the world have asked since the beginning of time. From the second that parents find out they are going to have a daughter, it immediately starts. She has such a wonderful future facing her. I just know she will grow up to be a beautiful mommy. She will make someone a wonderful wife. A marvelous mom to her...Read On

10

The Ghost of Christmas Sideways

Can one find self-awareness in a dirty bathroom? (Some adult themes and language.)

The apparition was angry. “Stop saying that! I am not the Ghost of Christmases Past! I am the Ghost of Christmas Sideways! I show you how past Christmases and the rest of your life might have been different…if only you had been standing ten feet to the left!” “All I said was that you’re kind of like the Ghost of Christmases Past with a bit of a twist. What’s so bad about that? What’s the...Read On

10

Captian Scrotum and the SS thrust, chapter 4

poor Scrotum cant get a brake lol

Reader discretion advised. The story you are about to read contains mature content that some may find offensive. By choosing to read this piece, you agree that you are 18 or older and do not object to content of a sexual nature. Chapter4 A Massive Knob. General Knob sat in his hover pod. This was a waste of time. No one would be stupid enough to access the biorecognition for a dead...Read On

10

17 Alternatives to NaNoWriMo

Not feeling the love for National Novel Writing Month? Here are some other options...

1. NaNO!WriMo: Do not write anything — not a single word — for 30 days. The challenge is tougher than it might seem. 2. NaDoWriMo: Chronicle every episode of The Simpsons in which Homer exclaims, "D'oh!" This, of course, requires watching every episode of The Simpsons. Not a bad way to spend the month. 3. NaSloWriMo: Writing shouldn't be a race. Take it slowly, savoring the...Read On

10

NOT for Moon Challenge: Lunar Eclipsed

If Ping was an astronaut, he’d be a cheeky SOB…

Envy. Hate it. Always have. Always will. Even on a day like today. Yet, I’ve done what I’ve done to be able to do what I do, including what I’m about to. So why change now? Today’s no different. Kissing ass has always rubbed my rhubarb the wrong way, but I’m no joker. To billions, I’m a hero. To my CO, I’m a living stain on the tighty-whities of life. But that’s alright. It’s all...Read On

25

Necrotizing fasciitis and Me

A fearful man decides he needs another new psychiatrist.

I was hoping that my new psychiatrist could help me conquer my fear of going outdoors. I had just finished explaining my situation to him. “It really is true,” Dr. Merlin said. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!" “Maybe if your only problem is a weak heart!” I noted. “But I find the thought of a crocodile twisting off my privates in a pond fear inducing!” “Just...Read On

19

El Pequeño Cocodrilo Peludo (The Little Furry Crocodile)

A children’s story and relevant exercises to help teach basic math and social skills.

This unit emphasizes intuitive reasoning with fractions and proportions. It also illustrates how to perform mental computations by simplifying problems. Lastly, it explores the notions of compassion and empathy. All the characters in the story are dogs. If pictures are available of Yorkshire Terriers, Labradors, Poodles, and Pit Bulls they can be shown to children as the story’s characters...Read On

19

Snow White: The demonic truth...

I did this because I was bored... Discretion is advised, lol.

Once upon a time, there was a princess named Snow White. She was the sweetest, most innocent girl in the the whole realm and was considered the fairest of them all. She lived in the castle with her stepmother, the queen. One day, Snow went to see her stepmother, who was in her room brushing her hair. The queen stared into the mirror with gloomy eyes and softly whispered, “Mirror, mirror,...Read On

19

Santapedia: The Story of Guido (a.k.a. Prancer)

Prancer’s battle with mental illness, lost love, and his search for redemption.

My most vivid memory of my evening with Prancer is not his admission that he was a murderer. Though unnerving it was consistent with his obvious paranoia. The most vivid memories are of what happened when I committed the faux pas of offering Prancer chopsticks with his General Tso’s chicken. Prancer was volatile. He could be aggressive one moment, but gentle and submissive the next. How I...Read On

17

A Fish-Eyed View of Humans Mating

A few months after their wedding, two friends of mine went fishing. They anchored in a shady spot for lunch and, being young and in love, one thing led to another. I've no idea about the fishing that day, but nine months later there was indisputable proof something had been caught. The location for this amorous activity was Fool's Bayou, honest. After hearing that story, I wondered how...Read On

17
Recommended Read

Painting the Living Room

Why I can't paint the living room because I'm out of two-stroke oil.

Lists. We all make them. Line items of things that need done, have to do's, want lists, tasks, chores, things to buy. Some people make lists on a scrap paper. I make mental lists. Contained within those lists are sub-lists and sub-sequential lists and line items. Each in a precise order of priority and importance. Like, if my wife wants me to paint the living room. Simple enough task. ...Read On