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Humor

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Stories in this genre involve humorous observations on life, slapstick comedy, satire and funny people thrown into everyday situations. Plots either focus on the ridiculous or include comedic injections throughout the story. If you think laughter is the best medicine, submit your funny stories here or take a look at one of the submissions below for a good dose of humour.

16

A True Account of the All-Girl Catfight

Who fought, what about, who won, and why was he there?

It was a real hair-pulling, clothes tearing, head knocking, rolling in the dirt, screaming and hollering catfight between two high school girls. At issue was which one would get to be the, let’s just say, the latest flame of a guy by the name of Sonny Barnhill. It’s what they thought, anyway. That’s why I sat in a front row seat, enjoying the show but worrying about what might happen...Read On

12

Happy Ending

A man receives his first massage, and finds a happy ending (not THAT kind).

I generally do not like massages. There is something about a fully clothed stranger touching me while naked that resonates weird in my mind. It brings to mind the clinical setting of my doctor’s office instead of a relaxing environment. Masseuses also ask awkward questions; “What do you like?” and “What do you want me to work on?” in a coy manner. These inquiries remind me of the strip...Read On

7

Halloween Humor

A True Story

This is a true story. The year was 1996 and I decide it was time to retire the Dracula costume and makeup that I had worn for so many years. Why the change? It seems whenever the topic of an upcoming Halloween party arose in conversation no one bothered to ask what I was going as. "Let me guess, you're coming as Dracula," they responded in bored voices. So I decided it was time to...Read On

8

Aunt Swapping

Aunts Replace Wives in Swapping Scene

A new fad is sweeping England , and it comes about as the institution of marriage falls in popularity. Because fewer couples are opting to get wed it consequently means that there are fewer opportunities to indulge in wife swapping and this is proved by the membership numbers of the UK ’s Confederation of Wife Swapping Societies which have fallen by 52% since 1984. With this healthy...Read On

19

Snow White: The demonic truth...

I did this because I was bored... Discretion is advised, lol.

Once upon a time, there was a princess named Snow White. She was the sweetest, most innocent girl in the the whole realm and was considered the fairest of them all. She lived in the castle with her stepmother, the queen. One day, Snow went to see her stepmother, who was in her room brushing her hair. The queen stared into the mirror with gloomy eyes and softly whispered, “Mirror, mirror,...Read On

14
Recommended Read

Insomnia's Children

What happens to all those characters who are never written down?

He comes first, lumbering out of the gloomy shadows. Half-asleep, I try to protest, but his fist curls around my collar and he yanks me out of bed. He is the hardened villain of my nightmares who both terrifies and fascinates me. Right now, terrified wins. I give a feeble squeak, which I can't blame him for ignoring. "Where's my story?" growls the nameless villain, bearded face forced...Read On

38
Editor's Pick

The Fantastic Voyage of Bellingham Sam

Viewed through rose-colored glasses, it turned into the perfect family vacation...

Coffee. What Sam needed was coffee. He was a walking zombie, desperate for caffeine. It was a condition of his own making, he had to admit, since he was the one who'd wanted to drive on their family vacation instead of flying. And so they had spent more than 40 percent of their holiday — two days down and two days back — stuffed into a Hyundai Sonata, a car which seemed roomy enough during...Read On

10

High School Hijinks

The prankster strikes again. This time he is in High School.

We all remember high school. It was filled with fond memories of friends, first loves, teachers, bullies, jocks, cheerleaders, snobs, nerds, geeks, socialites and the rest of the students. There was one group who stood out from all the rest. This group or in some rare cases an individual was the “prankster”. The prankster was the person who teased and coaxed others to be targets of...Read On

9

Dream Job (Everyman's fantasy)

A leading expert in his field lands the job of a lifetime...or does he?

This story contains mature themes * * * The California Board of Education meeting once again ran late into the night. The stale air became stifling in the August evening, as the air conditioning units had been shut down over an hour ago. Tempers started to flare, as discussions had become as hot as the California sunshine. Arguments were heard and heard again with no end in sight. ...Read On

5

Cannibal Buffet

It's dinnertime for the Unger's at their favorite restaurant, the Home Body Buffet

By DiVitto Kelly “I’m famished," proclaimed Bob Unger, eager to chow down with his wife and two children as they patiently waited to be seated at the restaurant. “Well, you’ve come to the right place,” replied the spunky brunette hostess, overhearing the hefty man wearing blue jeans and red checkered flannel shirt. “This way, sir.” The Home Body Buffet was a favorite dining jaunt...Read On

13

How I Got My First Goat

The troubles I had to go thru to get my pet goat.

To set this story in the proper time and place, I have to take you back to my teen years. Back a few years to my first encounter with a goat. I was visiting a friend on the outskirts of the City. Margaret was getting us some nice cold drinks while I sat on the back steps of her house. She lived right next to a farm that had a pen full of goats, and I could see them from the steps. There looked...Read On

15

Farm Tales

My adventures in farming (good and bad.. lol)

Farm Tales Firstly, let me tell you a little about myself. My name’s Kari and I am an import. What’s an import you say? It means that I either am from another country or the city. In my case it’s the city. Being a city girl, I had very little knowledge of farming or farm ways, so I have been flying by the seat of my pants. I used to spend my summer holidays at my grandmother's farm,...Read On

22
Audio version available
Recommended Read

Daddy No Legs

A daddy long legs discovers there is life after legs.

You think your life is bad? Consider me. I’m a daddy longlegs with no legs. That’s right, no legs. A Daddy No Legs. Here’s my story: I’m creeping around one day, minding my own business, when I run into some kids. “AAAAAAAAHH!!!” they scream. “A spider!!!!!!” For the record, daddy longlegs aren’t even spiders, and these kids are carrying on like I’m a tarantula. Then a boy...Read On

19

El Pequeño Cocodrilo Peludo (The Little Furry Crocodile)

A children’s story and relevant exercises to help teach basic math and social skills.

This unit emphasizes intuitive reasoning with fractions and proportions. It also illustrates how to perform mental computations by simplifying problems. Lastly, it explores the notions of compassion and empathy. All the characters in the story are dogs. If pictures are available of Yorkshire Terriers, Labradors, Poodles, and Pit Bulls they can be shown to children as the story’s characters...Read On

15

The Mermaid Who Needed CPR: The Legend of Agapetos and Adonia

A hopeless romantic falls in love with an acerbic-tongued aquatically-challenged mermaid.

I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. I found out later that often happens when men meet mermaids. I still smile and feel warm and giddy inside when I remember the very first words that she said to me on that deserted beach. “Get the hell off of me, you pervert! What do you think you’re doing?” I removed my hands from her rib cage. “CPR,” I said. “You were unconscious,...Read On

42

Splash!

On the golf course you can’t always iron out your differences.

Dreamcatcher, Larry, wrote a story last month ‘I’m Arnold Palmer’ which reminded me of a joke; Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day. They approached a par three hole where the green was located on an island in a large pond. The green was accessed by a long pathway from the left side of the green to the shore. It was a fairly long shot from the tee to the green across the pond....Read On

11

The Comedian's Antithesis

How to not tell a joke

“Want to hear a joke?” “ Sure, I love a good joke. Is it funny?” [pause] “Why do you think it's called a joke?” “ Oh, yeah, okay, go ahead.” “Alright, a priest, a rabbi, and a reverend walk into a bar an...” “ Wait a minute, why are these three together, they're like natural enemies, always stealing souls from one another to save. That doesn't make much sense.” [pause] “It...Read On

19

Santapedia: The Story of Guido (a.k.a. Prancer)

Prancer’s battle with mental illness, lost love, and his search for redemption.

My most vivid memory of my evening with Prancer is not his admission that he was a murderer. Though unnerving it was consistent with his obvious paranoia. The most vivid memories are of what happened when I committed the faux pas of offering Prancer chopsticks with his General Tso’s chicken. Prancer was volatile. He could be aggressive one moment, but gentle and submissive the next. How I...Read On

11

Yard

Thwarted ambition. What does one say?

My third foot didn’t grow very well. Compared with my other two it was very small. It wasn’t useful at all. I could see what was meant to be a foot and it was badly deformed. I knew I had to do something about it if I was to become a yard. Maybe people are like balloons and slowly we are inflated. I knew I couldn’t depend on that. My Dad said that manure makes things grow. He said it...Read On

The Lightning Thunder Theory of Light Dark Matter

In a realm of religion, 2 great Gods sit down speak their minds of the universe.

The Lightning & Thunder Theory of Light & Dark Matter Zeus, Greek God of Lightning, & Thor, Norse God of Thunder, meet in the Heavens for Earths greatest herbs & for the discussion of what helps us see & what holds the world up..Light & Dark Matter! "Like ripples of a splash in a body of water, sound waves travel becoming more distorted the farther it travels yet fading like a light....Read On

3

Santa, maybe?

A man's travels find him face to face with a nightmare before Christmas.

Spectacular is the only word that can describe the view from the plane window flying into Jackson Hole, Wyoming. One gets fearful as the Grand Tetons appear as though they will scrape the bottom of the plane at any second. One ponders whether at any moment the airline will play some documentary soundtrack to fit the experience; something with drums and trumpets. This, of course, presupposes...Read On

42

The Town Drunk

One man's advancement

Dave was a slight man, looking years older than his actual age, and showing no vestiges of prosperity, even looking quite shabby, which led to the name almost everyone knew him by, Shoddy. He didn't seem to mind as he never corrected anyone, but when asked would tell them his name, which didn't happen very much. Sometimes a newcomer to town might inquire, but newcomers didn't happen very...Read On

4
Audio version available

The Power of Praeyer

An agnostic praying mantis embarks on a strange quest for the meaning of prayer.

High up in a tree a large and important insect, known by all as the Grand Poopah, said in a deep voice: “Moses.” “Yes, Most Honorable Grand Poopah, what is your bidding?” said a somewhat smaller insect. “Oh, and by the way, feel free to call me Moe.” “Please lead us in prayers, Moses,” said the Grand Poopah. “That’s Moe, with an ‘e’ at the end,” said Moe. “And do I have to lead?” ...Read On

64

A Man’s Rebirth

A dead eccentric midget, a family heirloom, and an erotic toy give a man a new chance at life.

It takes a desperate man to pursue a woman who thinks that he’s a disgusting, lying pig. My ex-wife Veronica was the woman. I was the man and the pig. “What kind of pervert gives his ex-wife a box of flavored lubricants and a blow-up nun doll for a commemorative anniversary gift?” she shouted. “You are a pathetic pervert!” “Firstly, that’s nice alliteration!” I said. “But heck…can’t you...Read On

11

Fifty Shades Of Gaye

An Acme Home and Leisure Publication: by David Gaye

This is ridiculous, now the boss has every girl in the department hard at it. He's getting desperate and I can scarcely believe what he's paying them all to do... trawling the Internet in search of a talented erotica author and reading embarrassing stories all day. "There must be somebody out there," the boss keeps saying. "For God's sake, find them." The boss wants a hit, inspired by...Read On

6

Welcome to the Jungle

A man discovers the downside to joining a gym and eating healthy.

I had assumed that I was the only person in the office at that early hour, but clearly someone was nearby as I bent over to retrieve the files I had just managed to spill all over the floor. Perhaps it was a burglar, or a homeless squatter. Whoever it was, they were clearly and curiously tearing bed sheets apart. I stood to begin an investigation into the loud noise, and suddenly felt a...Read On

23

Leaving the Darkness: Veronica’s Birthday Gift

A hot martial artist and method acting help a disgusting boor to self-actualize.

It’s hard to get an alert, physically fit, conscious wife into a coffin without her knowing it. Blindfolding her helps, but if it’s dark because all the lights are off it’s still a difficult task. I had just put Veronica into the coffin after bumping her head against it for a third time. “That’s it! Three strikes and you’re out!” Veronica screamed. She sat up in the coffin and ripped off...Read On

14

The Secret Life of Bellingham Sam

Meet Sam, a fellow with an active imagination, a lust for life and a real knack for storytelling...

  This story contains mature themes * * * Sam was startled — and annoyed — by the blaring of a car horn while he sat parked along with a thousand other drivers on Interstate 5. What exactly did the genius expect to accomplish by honking here when the logjam was well out of sight, probably several miles ahead? He shook his head. Not a local, that’s for sure, he reflected...Read On

29

My Therapy Success: Overcoming Inappropriate Joking and Homonymphobia

Thank you, Dreamcatcher. Your great piece “Therapy” gave me the courage to share.

As I looked at my new psychiatrist Dr. Milford, I could see the gears turning. He had one of those transparent clocks in front of him on his desk. I could also see that he was thinking about what I had said. “So,” Dr. Milford said, “you are incapable of being serious about anything, you always act like a childish, boorish ass, and you alienate everyone with incessant silly,...Read On

11

Flying Through the Air

No doubt about it I was heading for the ditch at 110 km. per hour.

This story takes place at harvest time again. It was a time when our cell phone did not have great signal strength, as we are situated between two signal towers. It's better now but still not great. I was at home, and decided to give Ed a call to see if he needed anything or just to ask how he was doing. See, I am the perfect little farm wife. He had been clearing the field of flax straw at...Read On