Memoirs(1)

2

Never Again

To the truth, I bare my soul...

It's deja vu, but not at all the same. How can that be? Almost three years ago I almost lost you. You had been sick for months, so our life had been strained, I needed you more than you were capable of giving. We were soul mates, the couple everyone was envious of, and yet we threw it all away. Our connection had eroded weakening our commitment. I was lonely, feeling lost and immersed...Read On

Micro Fiction(1)

5

Her life is over

I hope I am never in such a bad place again

She sits on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, naked and alone. She has been betrayed and abandoned, lost and confused. She has tried to climb her way back, to fight through the tears. She is no longer strong enough, no longer whole enough. She is too tired and too disenchanted. The razor glides across her wrist in a swift motion, the blood bubbling in its trail, dripping to the floor....Read On

Musings(8)

2

Deja vu

Would I really know who you are?

One day, a couple years ago, I went online to read and write poems. As you read over the words letting your mind flow around the meaning , you find some you connect with and some you don't. In a rare moment you find your heart catches, and your pulse races with each word that absorbs you . You FEEL the story. You are absorbed by what this person is saying. It could be the cadence of...Read On

4

How did I fail as a mom

How do you stand to just sit in your room You never leave the house You are 20 years old Where is your ambition? Go get a job Do something It breaks my heart To watch you every day Glued to your phone Playing video games all day Go do something See someone Leave the house You aren't a child anymore You need to work How do I bring you to reality ? I worked AND went to school If...Read On

4

I miss her

Never again will I settle for security and comfortable. If it doesn't make my heart race, If your pulse doesn't rise when you see me If making love to me is the last thing on your mind And kissing me is a chore... I can't , I won't , I'm dying inside. Can I fault you? I guess not, but you knew what I need What makes me tick and resets my soul And yet it didn't matter. So be fair to me...Read On

10

It was meant to be

If you ever wonder, why I have I do not engage online.......

*Please do not be offended if I do not friend you, or post or comment. if you ever wonder why I have no bio, I do not post, or comment, I only read and write... This is why... Online life became an abyss for me, a black hole I could not find my way out of. But man, I love to write... Some may figure out who I was... But this is my story... My life on the red side... I met my husband in...Read On

3

Losing Renegade

Making hard decions

** some may find to sad to read ** We brought him home as a 6 month old puppy. Our only pet. We named him Renegade after a college mascot. ( funny how 13 years later my daughter attends that school!) He was the only for many years. Protecting us, loving us, inseparable. When he hit 9 years old we assumed his time was limited and got another pup, Duke. It took 3 solid months to get Renegade...Read On

6

Thank you for not giving up on us

A year ago on Valentine's Day, my husband and I had just separated. I ventured out to play and leave it all behind, until he whispered the words to me "just because it is easier to start over than to fix what you already have doesn't mean it is right. " and so we went to counseling, and we fought a hard fight to put our marriage back together. Now we whisper words of love, and pledge our...Read On

5

To my beautiful daughter

To my beautiful daughter, From the moment you were born you were beautiful, boisterous and had such a need for people. You walked early, talked early, and you were like a ray of sunshine in everyone's life. This year was a rough one, and for most of it you were the only one by my side, I know we had some very trying times and damaged our relationship. We also had some times together that...Read On

2

what is it you really need?

If everyone was able to be free to be themselves, the truly vulnerable; no walls, no masks, no lies, their souls would heal, their bitterness would lessen, their pain of spending years trying to fit someone else's image of who they should be would subside. But they can't, they don't, they won't. Because they may never meet that person who accepts their soul for what it really is, with all...Read On

Poetry(21)

1

agony and losing yourself

I wish I has the words to explain That every morning I wake up, not sure that I can stand the pain I feel like a zombie pretending I am happy Having the strength for everyone but me I don't know what it is I need But I know it is not this, which makes my heart bleed I have become frozen out of fear And come close to drowning myself in tears When did I start caring so little about myself ...Read On

2

Building walls

Building my wall Brick by brick Have to make it tall Need to make it thick So tired of the pain I can't take it anymore Tears fall like rain Quit opening the door Harden my heart Why do I continue to care Where do I even start It's more than I can bear Please make it stop I want to scratch off my skin Feel like I took a 100-foot drop Don't want to let anyone one in How did I let...Read On

3

Fighting the addiction

I wish someone could understand  The burn, the urge, the pain,  The feeling of being trapped in sand  Or being caught in the ice cold rain Like its out of your control When in fact it controls you  You can try to set a goal But it is the best you can do Sometimes every day is a fight And you try not to surrender  Other times you feel normal and right  And life isn't so tender I wish you...Read On

3

finally tearing down walls

Mind spiraling Your skin burning  Searching for what you want  What you need No direction  Losing control Playing games From behind your walls Everything makes you hurt more So you play harder  Grasping at straws  Anything to fill the void The emptiness spreads  And aches from deep inside  Longing for something  You just cant find With one touch  He cools the skin As...Read On

2

I Am Worth More

In dedication to my daughter

I will love you more than you will ever know  By the time you understand it  I will have already decided to go I don't know how  to not give my all I wouldn't change it for anything  But it's usually the cause of my fall You miss me when I'm gone  But I'm invisible sitting next to you  Everything and one is more important  There's nothing else for me to do I am worth more than that  I...Read On

6

I laid my heart out on my sleeve

I don't miss the drama The who is f%*#% who The "friends" who lie behind each others back And have nothing better to do I didn't lie about my age And make myself 20 years younger Or act like a character on stage Faking the hunger I was real I laid my heart out on my sleeve All they did was lie and steal And do everything to make me believe Soon, the words a beautiful cadence just for me...Read On

2

I placed his hand in hers

She's like a mirage  A beautiful paradise  Full of grace and beauty  And a heart so wise I loved him  And he loved me But it wasn't enough Not meant to be With my soul mate  Is my place in life The light of my soul Im proud to be his wife When I walked away To never speak again What better to know She will take care of him So I placed his hand in hers And kissed that life goodbye...Read On

5

I really can't believe

To think this was my life

My life consumed With thoughts of you I can't believe I was that naive But it was true After some time away And a few steps back When I read some of the BS  I have a laugh attack So much drama  How did I breathe? Now that I watch others  I can barely believe So n so is in love This week with him Next week it will be real  With someone else, it's all so grim I still believe you can fall...Read On

2

My beautiful daughter

I love her with all my soul

She came into this world Dramatic and loud From the first moment I saw her I felt like I was walking on a cloud Big beautiful eyes staring at me  The second she heard my voice She stopped crying  Like she had no other choice She truly is my mini me She has all my good parts But made them better  Touching everyone's hearts Everything she learned Was early and quick Such a healthy baby...Read On

4

My favorite time with you

It's an addiction I'm sure That at the end of a long stressful day I can't wait till its time for bed And let you take me away My head on your chest  Under your chin  Damp hair tickles my cheek  As I just breathe you in. I hear your heart beat  A melody to my ear  It doesn't matter how bad the day was  All my cares disappear  I listen to you breathe  So lost in...Read On

5

My husband's sexy hands

The first time I saw his hand I thought " oh how sexy is he!"  They are strong and large But delicate with me The hand on the small of my back Guiding me through a door, Dwarfing mine in his  This man I adore His fingers brush a hair from my face Or hands hold me tight His hands so sexy Make me feel just right Warm and secure Loved and wanted Protective and needing  No longer haunted ...Read On

3

My soul mate

The gleam in his eye when he smiles at me, Makes my heart feel as if it will burst The warmth of his hand on the small of my back Makes me feel adored even at my worst He is the other half of my heart The missing piece of my soul Our connection unbreakable The one who makes me whole I sleep with my head on his chest Listening to his heart beat Smelling the scent of his skin His...Read On

3

Never look back

If I look back To that year in my life When everything turned upside down And my world was filled with strife I was stupid and naive And lost sight of what mattered I quickly left a wake in my path Of people's feelings broken and shattered I fell hook line and sinker For words of lies and deceit Instead of working on my life With the person that makes me complete ...Read On

2

Once in a lifetime soul mates

We are not perfect people But together our love is perfect Our love has bound us past , present and future  Intertwined tightly together History connects us, Strength binds us  You are my rock When I am weak I am your laughter  When life is stressful Two very different puzzle pieces  That connect and complete the picture I used to believe I loved you more After years...Read On

5

She always told me I'm the light of her life

Luckily, my husband led me back home......

You’ve left me, Destroyed me, I don’t know how to heal. Still in disbelief That this is happening, It can’t be real You told me we were Soul mates From the very first kiss Bonded when we put on our ring I mistakenly believed There was no you and me, only us We were strong enough to survive anything You are lost and wandering I’m desperately trying to hold on Say something, tell...Read On

2

The puzzle of my heart

My heart is broken Shattered , tattered, torn into a million pieces A puzzle now in disarray The parts no longer fit, the meaning no longer clear With no one to blame but myself I took a chance, thought I was safe Taken by surprise Of what my heart could really feel Never felt so complete, never felt such love But it wasn’t mine to have His love heals wounds I didn’t know...Read On

5

There is no giving up

I wish I were born in simpler times When marriage was forever A time when people fixed what was broken Instead of throwing it away We live in a world Of instant gratification Following desires and wants Losing loyalty and faith We live in a world Where it takes multiple people To satisfy our needs And your marriage is the last thing you focus on Work, kids, freedom Bills, friends, All...Read On

1

Visions of leopard print pillows

You filled my ears with lies You played such a game It shouldn't have been a surprise  I am to blame I fell for it  Hook line and sinker  Believed it all  What was I thinking You became my best friend And then I loved you so Hours and hours spend together I couldn't let you go Words meant just for me  They were all untrue Repeated to every other girl I wasn't special to you You...Read On

7

We are soul mates to the end

True story....

Hard to believe How much has changed in a year I was lost and alone  And yet had so many people near I thought I wanted to leave My marriage of years  Even though when I wasn't with him I was always close to tears Convinced I wanted someone else Needed something more But, no matter what , my husband  Was the one I adore Living in separate houses I craved sleeping in his arms ...Read On

7

You are my everything

We fought the odds From the day we met It was the choice of the gods With no regret Melded together Soul mates from the very first day We've survived even the roughest of weather Nothing could tear us away You still make my heart skip a beat When your hand touches me You make me feel complete And set my soul free Overwhelming is my love for you Falling in love was destiny We know our...Read On

4

You will never be good enough

Your heart isn't big enough Your soul pure enough To ever make me believe That you are good enough You can look like a model Smell like a fantasy Speak words of poetry But you will never be good enough You can treat her like a princess Adore her to pieces But unless you are perfect You will never be good enough You can be smart as Einstein A member of Mensa But unless you can promise...Read On