About MrSmartyPants

Biography

Name:
MrSmartyPants
Sex:
Male 
Age:
56
Sign:
Taurus
Relationship Status:
Married
Location:
Wellington, FL, United States

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Date Joined:
13 Oct 2010
Last Visit:
24 Mar 2011 (3358 days ago)
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Topic: The Random Blurt Thread
Posted: 24 Mar 2011 19:59

I swear, insurance company employees aren't human. They're spawned in the fiery pits of the seventh level of Hell.

Topic: Share a Memory
Posted: 08 Jan 2011 19:32

Okay, it's not actually a memory, because it just happened. Well, less than twenty-four hours ago, anyway. So I suppose technically, it is a memory, but it's not--

You all be the judge.

As some people know, our German Shepherd got pregnant. Not unexpectedly either, but on purpose. Our neighbor also has a Shepherd, and when we looked at him, and our girl, we just knew that they would make beeeyootiful babies together. We put the two of them together for a few days (at the appropriate time) and sure enough, the magic happened. We waited expectantly as she got bigger and bigger...

Since we knew pretty close what the conception date was, we also knew (pretty close) when she was due. I knew that dogs usually will crawl off into a closet somewhere to have their puppies. They need somewhere warm, close, and dark. They like privacy - it makes them feel safe. I didn't want her to have to find a place, so I built one for her. I took several cardboard boxes and tore them down, using tape to rebuild them into a low-sided box about four feet by five. This new box had a triple-layer floor and double-reinforced walls for structural integrity. I lined the box with a nice, soft quilt, then put her bed in there so she would know that was "her" space. I hung a black sheet over like a tent so she would have privacy when she needed it. I even laid down in there with her, so she knew it was all right to go in. Our vet told us she would show sings just before she went into labor. He told us to look for nesting signs - that she would find her whelping room, and settle down into it, often kicking blankets and floor coverings as if they just weren't comfortable enough. He told us that if we watched her, we couldn't help but see it.

So...

Last night, Mrs. Smartypants and I were lying in bed watching TV. Our dog had made it a habit to lie in bed with us, between us. She'd nudge us with her head to remind us of our duty to scratch her behind her ears. Suddenly, she got up and slowly turned around in bed a couple times. As if she couldn't make up her mind whether she wanted to lie facing us, or facing the TV. Mrs. Smartypants looked over and said, "Hey - there's a big wet spot over here!"

We both looked at our girl, and sure enough, there was a brand-spanking new puppy struggling to get it's first breath! I can't tell you what I felt when I understood that the one place our girl felt safe enough to have her babies in was right between the Mrs. and I. It truly was a life-affirming moment. She trusted us that much! All the websites will tell you that it can be as much as an hour between pups. Well, it was an hour between the first one and the second one. After that, they came out every twenty minutes or so. She just barely had enough time to clean off this one, and get him breathing and mewling properly when we could see the contractions start for the next one. And the process just kept repeating itself. I wondered (not for the first time) just how many pups she had inside her! I thought she was done at six - there was a lull. Then it was seven, then eight. And then I thought she was done.

About a half-hour past midnight, she started having contractions again. Then they finished, but nothing had come out. She started making a low whimpering noise. She was pulling at something, but... nothing was coming out. Wondering, I took a closer look. There was her last one. His head was out, and she had cleaned the membrane off it, but he was stuck. He was breathing in a labored way - she had tightened up around his neck. The poor girl was just too tired to push him out. I ran for some latex gloves. I pushed on her belly, then around the opening. I urged her on, telling her to keep trying. I had nothing but his head to pull on, and I surely didn't want to damage it, or his spine by pulling, so I was trying my best to push with her, to push him out. I don't know how long it took, but I soon saw his tiny paws. I kept working at him and then I had enough to wiggle him a little. I wiggled and wiggled, and then his shoulders were out! And then... whoosh! He came out all the way. I let out a breath I had been holding in for I don't know how long. She took over for me, cleaning him off gratefully. Nine. Nine puppies last night. And I'm sure I'll remember that last little guy for the rest of my life.

Topic: Favorite quotes
Posted: 27 Dec 2010 14:06

"A coward dies a thousand deaths. A hero dies but once."

Shakespeare.

Topic: Picture Match
Posted: 27 Dec 2010 13:59

http://upload.storiesspace.com/517-super size tiny.jpg

Something in miniature.

Topic: Share a Memory
Posted: 10 Dec 2010 09:36

That reminds me of the time when I was a senior in High School. The US Space Shuttle program was still fairly new - there had only been a couple launches done. Another launch was scheduled for a Thursday, I believe. Three of my friends and I all decided that we wanted to go see it. One friend had an old rattle-trap of a conversion van (the kind with ragged carpet on the walls and a bench seat that laid out into a bed - think "Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and you'll be close). We loaded up into the van the night before the launch, with no clear intent except to drive north on I-95 until we saw the "Cape Canaveral" signs, find a nice place to park, and hunker down. Our total amount of supplies were a couple cases of beer, a bottle of Bacardi Silver, and a box of Cheezits.

The launch was scrubbed that morning. We drove back with dry, cheesy mouths, no comprehension of how much time that had passed, and no real idea of how much trouble we would be in when we faced our parents that night. (LOL)

Good times... <img src="/images/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif" alt="icon_biggrin">

Topic: Forum Game...Define the word above...
Posted: 23 Nov 2010 19:20

Gral: (colloquial) The noise made by a redneck dog that's not sure if he wants to actually bark at you or go back to sleep on the front porch.

Ex: "That Yeller dawg sure got a mean gral when he wonts to..."


Next word: Passetry

Topic: Name That Movie
Posted: 23 Nov 2010 19:13

Either "Cool Hand Luke", or "Smokey and the Bandit", take your pick. :bootyshak


"She knows it's a Multi-Pass..."

Topic: Name That Movie
Posted: 12 Nov 2010 08:19

Apocalypse Now. (Regular, or redux?)


"Y'all got on this boat for different reasons, but y'all come to the same place. So now I'm asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave."

Topic: The Random Blurt Thread
Posted: 02 Nov 2010 17:20

I miss having fun.

Topic: What's in your mug?
Posted: 30 Oct 2010 16:53

Some ginseng tea we got as a gift at work. Odd thing about it is that it's freeze-dried tea. Like instant coffee, only tea. Not bad. Not great. Good with honey.

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Happy Birthday from the team at Stories Space.
05 May 2011 00:48
sprite
lol - i like spiders in theory! but umm... they scare the bejeezus out of me!
18 Oct 2010 14:17
sprite
hey, just wanted to say hi. thanks for all the lovely words about my stories and for being tolerant of my anti-gun bias (despite the fact that i am right and you are wrong - neener neener! ) oh, umm... the spiders on your background creep me out, but that's really MY issue, right?
18 Oct 2010 11:45
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