About RobertHildenbrand

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Robert Hildenbrand
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22 Oct 2019 22:38

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Topic: Repetition of words
Posted: 12 Sep 2014 17:11

Excluding said, or other invisible tags. Does anyone know a good resource to read about the repetition of words in a story? Case in point, my 64,000 word novel (in progress) has the word glanced written in it 508 times. I am reducing the number of repetitions in which this word is used, but I would love to know of research or resources which cover the average repetition of words and what would be considered acceptable.



I have no idea if there are any resources or guidelines that might help.

For me, repetition of words is a major pitfall and to be avoided ruthlessly. Consequently, it is usually up to me to weed those repetitions out, and I do it to the best of my ability. I'm as prone to it as anyone else might be, and it irritates me to no end!

The problem is that being your own proofreader is highly challenging and difficult, so good for you to have outed the 508 uses of the word "glanced" in your text. You're on the right path to being vigilant about word repetition, and trying to avoid it.






Thanks, I try. :-)

That said, I also try and make my reader become emotionally invested into my characters whom they are going to follow. So facial movements, and tells are very important to me. However writing so many of them, can become redundant, especially if I use the same ones too often. I am also fond of not telling my reader a characters name, but rather want someone else, a badge, name tag, or other means to label the character. Even my character reading a text message can work to do this, as we would have the name of one character whom the focus character is talking with, and that other person may speak or text the focus character's (we are following) name in the message. I had originally written only a page before I had character B introduce herself to character A... That page expanded into almost five pages and so I had to name her. A test from mom, helped with that. :-)

Topic: Repetition of words
Posted: 06 Sep 2014 11:39

Excluding said, or other invisible tags. Does anyone know a good resource to read about the repetition of words in a story? Case in point, my 64,000 word novel (in progress) has the word glanced written in it 508 times. I am reducing the number of repetitions in which this word is used, but I would love to know of research or resources which cover the average repetition of words and what would be considered acceptable.

Topic: Space between chapters
Posted: 21 Aug 2014 23:38

"Less is more"

Great advice, however how much less is more, and when does that less become too little?

Key points.
The novel is a science fiction story, set within the back drop of a hundred year war against another alien race. There exist two caste of people, which both characters are from one of these caste systems. My characters are introduced as 14 year old teenagers. Society has no desire or will to change the social systems.

Because the first third of my story follows two teenagers, I skip time between the chapters. I do not see the need to have redundent chapters follow their day to day life, dates, or challenges to society that are covered in the chapters which I wrote. Neither character seeks to change society, only survive it, hand in hand with each other. At the beginning of the novels second third, I introduce a curve ball that challenges my characters and the time between chapters lessens to weeks.


How common is it for novels with young characters, to skip years like this? I mean, there is only so much teenagers can do to change society, much less if they wanted to change it. Should I add in more dates between the characters? Despite the fact that their relationship is well established. After they have won the right to love one another, despite their social caste, they have no other challenge with which to fight. Their story doesn't pick up again until the war turns bad and a draft is necessary.

From that point forward, you follow the characters much more closely. I just want to know how common is it to skip years, and does it make sense for me to skip years like this?

Topic: Now, this is what I would call a "serious" writing reference...check it out my friends...
Posted: 12 Aug 2013 05:36

It has some fairly useful information in it, but I also find that it is heavily slanted towards a very liberal mind set.

If you read the parts that speak about offending people, you will quickly find that your story will become so limited in the word choice you can use and descriptions you can use that you almost are making a cookie cutter book anymore.

More over, the offense section of this guide states that you ought just describe every color that your characters are. Yet I am told by people who read my writing, that they feel calling a character by the color of their skin is offensive. (some of these readers are teachers, lawyers and musicians.)

So what you have here is a conundrum of having to chose one group or the other to offend. You can refer to someone with light black skin as chocolate and break this guides Prohibition on referring to people by the color of food, or you can define the character as a mixed race, black individual. Either way, you will offend one group or the other.


Personally I don't describe race very often, mostly because my stories deal with 500 years from today. Many of the races will likely be more mixed and one would hope that the impoverished nations would be risen up to a level of education more equal with the richer nations of the world with the world having a single primary language with secondary cultural languages.

That said, even in 500 years, we will have people of color, darker than white and whiter than dark.


I would rather be blunt about color, but I am generally blunt.

Topic: To post a story or not to post... that is a good question!
Posted: 28 Jul 2013 20:35

Dirty

If this is true, then no one wanting to be published (by a actual company) ought post stories anymore and I might as well forget selling my current book to any publisher. :-(

Topic: Being Typecast by a Genre
Posted: 25 Jul 2013 20:06

Think of it like this. Would someone who grew up watching startrek want to watch Star Trek with ground battles? Where the series centered around a platoon of soldiers and not a crew of officers onboard a starship?

I think not. At least not five or six years ago. That is why the series failed. They all became the same boring thing, but people who followed it wanted to see the same thing.

Now what would have been cool was having two series played at the same time, a land and space series where the star ships supported the land battles by running supply runs and or laying down surpressing fire.

Sadly no one would want to watch the reality of the federation turning cities into dresdin, just to evict the Klingons, ect.

Topic: How to use an ellipsis
Posted: 23 Jul 2013 11:49

Just checking if the following are ok.


(The interruption of speech.) (third line down.)

1) John exited the elevator bathed in dark blue light and walked into the briefing room, lite with the brighter baby blue light. He glanced to his CO and fought to keep a straight face. "Sir." He said.

2) General Richard glanced from the colonel he had been speaking with to the new arrival. "If we are all present now, lets begin this briefing."

3) John sat to the left of his CO and tapped the data pad laid just under the place holder with his name on it. "How different will this new plan be form the one we told..." He said and was cut off by Richard when he raised his hand.

4) "This new plan will be similar, otherwise the enemy will realize that the spy has been discovered and they'll adapt too quickly to the important changes we've made." Richard said.



(The loss for words.) (fifth line down)

1)Steve jumped out of the bunk and glanced around the room bathed in red light.

2) "Humm." Crystal hummed as she pulled the blanket over her naked shoulder. "Come back to bed." She said. "I promise that I'll make it worth your wild. It's too cold to..." She paused and turned her head toward Steve who reached for his pants. "Is that the alert lights?"

3) "There is nothing to be alarmed by." David, the facilities AI said. "You may both return to bed and continue to enjoy the final hours before muster."

4) Steve and Crystal laughed and glanced to one another. Crystal reached with her right hand for Steve's hand as he buttoned his green pants. "You heard him. Nothing to worry about." She knelt up and pulled Steve closer to the bed.

5) Steve glanced to Crystal and blinked his eyes to adjust them to the dull red lights and the steady blue light that shinned off her chocolate skin. "Ah..." He began. "The AI's been listening to us?" He asked.

6) "I am programmed to be aware of what everyone in this facility is doing at any given time." David said. "Please do not be alarmed. This area of my programming doesn't include reporting small infractions in General order One Alpha, the order relating to military members engaging in consensual sexual intercourse."

6) "See, the computer says it's fine." Crystal said.

Topic: To post a story or not to post... that is a good question!
Posted: 23 Jul 2013 11:25

From my limited understanding tells me, sites like this one aren't considered to be published work, but rather more a self help site. We come here with questions about our work, the quality of our work and to see if there is a readership for it.

Personally I would say if you are afraid that publishing what you have wrote here will qualify as published work, then rewrite what you want to sell and post it.

On this site, you are ideally trying to get people to review the quality of your work, not the actual work. If you want editors, I would suggest finding someone who is qualified to be a editor and have them edit your book. It likely will cost you some money or you would have to return the favor by editing their work.

Take for example in my profile, I have a story dealing with a version of Kane and Abel. In this version, I have the story play out as an interview of the events of the book, while the actual book I am writing are a straight story, currently seated at 80,000 words @ 3/4 of the book written. During my editing process I intend to push the book over the 120,000 work goal I set for myself.

I do not consider this book published, even if some of the events play out as they do in the actual book. It is all about having someone check my quality and growth as a writer, then returning to my writings and applying any suggestions which may make it stronger.

Topic: Characters preception of objects
Posted: 07 Jul 2013 05:45

So here is another question.

I have a group of characters fleeing a group of hostiles, to stand and fight is certain death and I need them to discover a hidden facility cut into a mountian anyway. So to bring both elements into one, I have artillery fire penetrat the mountian side and detonated storage tanks in the mountian base.

Until my characters enter the facility, they believe it to be a cave.

My question is how to discrib the cave through narration (third person, past tense) without ruining the discovery for the reader?

I am trying to avoid narration a which have the narrators voice all knowing.

Example:

Steven stood up and glanced to the mountian side. His eyes widened as he saw the black void of a cave entrance in the mountian. "John." He said and pointed to the cave. "Get the civilians up to there."


End example:

Once they enter the cave, they will discover that it isn't a natual environment, but an abandoned underground facility.

Topic: Third person discription of action
Posted: 07 Jul 2013 05:27

Thanks for the answers you three gave me.

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Stories Published By RobertHildenbrand All Stories »

Abel and Kane

Abel and Kane “I will not ask you again Miss Gatewood.” The interrogator said. “What did you see down there?” Gatewood stamped out her cigarette on the tAbel . “I already told you. Freedom.” The interrogator snarled. “What does that supposed to mean?” Gatewood glanced to the tall man and folded her left hand on top of her right. “It means that Abel gave us total freedom. We had...

Added 24 Feb 2013 | Category Science Fiction | Votes 4 | Avg Score 4 | Views 1,484 | 5 Comments

A soldier's tale, as told by the wife

Julianne finished loading the large moving truck and pulled the rear door closed. She walked down the rear ramp and glanced up at the only home she had known for the last twenty years. She glanced down the street to the rubble which was the house her first boyfriend and sighed. She allowed the memories of when she was thirteen years old flood her mind and then pushed them away. “What’s taking...

Added 22 Feb 2013 | Category Drama | Votes 5 | Avg Score 4.6 | Views 1,270 | 5 Comments

The chess match

All wars have a beginning and all wars have an end, except for one. The war between the light that illuminates the world with all that is good and the darkness which fills our hearts, blinding us with pride. The fireplace glowed brightly as the logs of wood crumbled to ash and dust. The gray ash and dust was caught by the iron bucket under the fire place. Both halves of the room...

Added 11 Feb 2013 | Category Fantasy | Votes 4 | Avg Score 4 | Views 1,225 | 5 Comments

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