Stories steffanie


Shining On

I meet up with a distant friend... Sort of.

It's unfortunate when you try something new and it all goes to pot. Big Dave is only too familiar with such misfortune, his rundown bar barely covers the rent and its faulty neon sign seems rather appropriate. Although, I kinda like the way his 'Rock Bar' trade name flickers and dies periodically, because sooner or later it always lights up and shines again. Despite its obvious...Read On


Fishy Yarns

A likely tale of old Yorkshire...

'twixt the moorland villages of Clapptrap and Skandal, there runs a lovely stretch of the Twaddle. The lively river flows through the limestone gorge at Poppycock Cut, and once past Yakking Mouth it discharges its clear waters in spectacular fashion at Fayrelady Falls. Tis a sight for sore eyes to behold such wild, foaming torrents - I courted my dear wife there and it's a good spot for trout. ...Read On

Editor's Pick


It would be a much darker world without choice.

A female has moved into my territory, a healthy young blonde, ripe for breeding and bearing good child. She could be my mate, once I've captured her, subdued her and proved my worth as her man. Sounds easy enough, but this female is small, flighty and quick. One stray sound and she's off like the wind, racing through shadows to seek cover amongst the ruins and rubble. I've no hope of...Read On

Editor's Pick

Storybook Lovers

So few words, for so much passion ....

My storybook lover is romantic, he would never hurry his sweetheart in a love scene, but tonight I want him to... "Make love to me, darling. In one hundred words or less." "Micro fiction?" "Yes." "Get your skirt off then." I begin slowly undoing the buttons on my... "Just do it, don't describe it." "It has to be sexy." "But you're using all the words up!" "Don't shout at me." ...Read On

Recommended Read

The Washing Machine Man

It's up to me to convince Dad to change...

"Me?" I asked my sister. "Why do I have to do it?" "I think he'll listen to you." "When has he ever listened to me?" I asked her. "And what about Mum?" "Mum's too upset, she can't think straight." "Oh, OK. I'll have a go but I can't promise anything." "I know," she said. "Just try, the nurses are getting fed up with him." "I'm not surprised." "Good luck, Steff." "Oh thanks," I told...Read On


Fifty Shades Of Gaye

An Acme Home and Leisure Publication: by David Gaye

This is ridiculous, now the boss has every girl in the department hard at it. He's getting desperate and I can scarcely believe what he's paying them all to do... trawling the Internet in search of a talented erotica author and reading embarrassing stories all day. "There must be somebody out there," the boss keeps saying. "For God's sake, find them." The boss wants a hit, inspired by...Read On

Recommended Read

JuJu Bitch

"Woman want baby. Woman want JuJu.” “What?” “JuJu. It’s magic. African magic, white or black.” “I don’t want black magic, Tutu.” Tutu smiled. “Here,” she said. “Have this.” Tutu gave me a tiny carved figurine; she explained how the women of Ghana use ones just like it to help with fertility. They carry their wooden doll at all times, usually hidden under clothing so only a...Read On

Editor's Pick


The horrors and rewards of child minding.

If I do fail my exams I could get a job in a nursery looking after little kids, I'd like that and it's one of the few things I'm good at. My neighborhood child minding services are in demand, and now I'm receiving requests from mothers I haven't even met. You can't beat word of mouth as a recommendation and it's by far the best form of advertising. Mind you, it's definitely toddlers I prefer...Read On



It's a dog's life looking out for family.

"Hello, boy." "Woof." It's Twink, actually. "Here, boy." "Woof. Woof." Watch it, stranger. Don't go getting familiar. I need to check you out first, give you a good sniffing and... "C'mon, boy. Come here." "Woof. Woof." What's with the orders? I don't think I like your attitude. This is MY neighborhood and I'm a double-hard Jack Russel. So behave or I'll... "Come on. Come here,...Read On


Cheese And Onion Sandwiches

Are the alternatives to endless growth so unpalatable?

I don't watch much TV these days, it keeps reminding me that it's partly my fault our country is in such a mess. I'm not spending enough money to fuel our economy and when I do spend my only reward is a warning to save more to finance my old age. The newsreader says I'm using far too much electricity, oil and water, I also eat the wrong things and drink far too much alcohol in the...Read On


Miss Hot Shot

We play pool for high stakes...

I only come into this dive of a bar for one thing, and that's not the beer. I'm hoping to catch another look at that cute little blonde barmaid, the one that works the early shift when things are quiet. Steffanie her name is and I'm planning on making a move on her soon, turn on the charm and invite her out. Simple enough plan, but this girl isn't so easy to pin down... if you'll pardon...Read On


JuJu Beach

"I'm in the pub, high on Pils, with some shades on. Tarted up, mini skirt, with my Choos on." Brilliant. My best yet. "Hear what I did there, Chloe?" "You changed the lyrics." "What of?" "23." "Excellent, Chloe. You're on trend." "Really, Steffanie? Maybe because you play it a hundred times a day." "My version's better. It's crazy like us." "Right." "Oh don't be like...Read On

Recommended Read

Ticky Prompts

The Christmas present ticked. "You got what for my mother?" my truelove said. "A Ticky Prompt Machine." "What on earth is that?" "It's not what it looks like," I said. "Okay, sweetie. Explain." "Well, you know your mother said she really hated the holidays?" "Yeah," he said. "She gets writer's block." "Not anymore," I said. "A Ticky Prompt Machine inspires at the touch of...Read On


Once In A Lifetime

My official entry in the 1000 words final.

One world, one nation, and millions of consumers all consuming the same thing. Welcome to the Olympics 2012, the adopted sister of junk food, banking and chemical corporations. An alliance of huge brands with a market so perfectly homogenized, their only real concerns are protecting their precious monopolies and logos. You'd be thought mad to object so nobody bothers much, at least not in...Read On


The Blue Orange

A fable of sorts for the little ones.

"Look sweetheart." "What Mummy?" "A blue orange. How weird is that?" I pick it up from amongst all the normal oranges on display. I'm sure it's an orange. It's the usual shape and size of an orange. It feels and smells like an orange, only it's scent is a lot, lot sweeter. I think it must be the most delicious orange in the world. But it's blue. "Wow. A blue orange," I keep...Read On


Walker, A Good Lovin' Guy

I'm Dave and I'm not gay. OK?

Here she comes, the sweetest, sexiest, most loveliest girl in the whole department, the delightful Rachael. What any guy wouldn't give for a date with such a desirable angel. "There you go, Dave." she says to me. "White with no sugar." Rachael plonks the coffee down on my desk with a total lack of consideration, her act of indifference results in half the cup's contents spilling into...Read On

Two Brides For Count Dracula

"We don't want to begin at the beginning. The brides of Count Dracula don't like the beginning, we have to step out of the darkness to go back there. The darkness is where we belong now, the darkness is the realm of the true voice, the Seal of Perfection and our Lord Dracula is his angel." "In the darkness our Lord shines brighter than any star in heaven. In his supreme light we are as...Read On


Doppel Day Dolly

The day I met my friend.

The time had come for me to wear something new for my dreamboat, so he gave me a card that makes numbers and told me to go into town. He called me useless and stupid, but I did find my way to the fashion store. I got there all on my own. The only trouble was, I was already in the fashion store, and I watched myself liking the very same dresses that I liked. I didn't know what to do. The...Read On


Demon Wings

England is full of demons, or so the papers keep saying. The government always deny it, they say demons don't exist, they're just a media invention to unsettle the masses. I didn't know what to think at first, I'd never seen a demon and neither had anyone else I know. My husband told me not to worry about demons, even though some people claimed they'd been spotted in our town. I couldn't...Read On


Wild Cat

From Mean Street to the open road...

I spent my youth on the East Side of town, cruising the streets and feeling high on what was stowed in my glove box and trunk. My passengers were serious dudes and I smoothly ferried them around so they could deal our crystal cargo in clip joints and in pubs. We hit the money big time and got treated with utmost respect, no wayward kid ever dared to scrape a coin along my fancy paintwork. ...Read On


Miss You

Staying close to those you love is important.

"Deux saucisse maison, avec frites et choucroute, s'il vous plaît." Wow! How suave and sophisticated does my big sister sound speaking French? She's already ordered two white wines to go with our meal, and this second little speech only confirms her linguistic excellence. The old waiter didn't bat an eyelid when she spoke, she's in her element and so am I, all thanks to her education. ...Read On


Dave World

There's a Dave for everything.

The Rock Bar, what a dive, peeling paint on the door and Fat Dave still hasn't fixed that smashed window. The place is dark and seedy but I love it, it's where I first met the missus, God bless her. Nothing much changes in The Rock Bar, same crappy fittings, same beer, same music. Although one thing is new, a Dave Grohl poster is up on the wall alongside the Floyd's Dave Gilmour - quite...Read On


Poppy Day

My grandmother taught me many things with her stories. This is about just one of them.

This special day is the closest I will ever get to meeting my grandpa, it's my chance to say hello and goodbye all at once. Mum is holding my hand and I hold my sister's, and the three of us stand back to let Gran whisper a few quiet and private words of remembrance. Those words are all she has to make up for a whole lifetime, a lifetime cut short on this desolate field in France. This...Read On



I tell Gran I'm in love with a girl

Oh bless her, my dear Hazel has nodded off with her head resting on my shoulder. I don't want to disturb her, so I'll stay where I am on the sofa and chat for a while with my Gran. It's been a hard day, and it's nice to relax at Gran's little bungalow and enjoy a long and lazy afternoon with her. It's so cosy here and she makes anyone feel at home with her warm and welcoming nature. This...Read On