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I had been accepted as the new sheriff of Liver Bile, South Carolina. Badge number 420 and presented with a repossessed 1964 Gremlin that had been donated to the city by the family of Peter Rabbit. The new police car housing a rebuilt 1978 Eventide outboard motor. I was later reminded that it was Eddie and not Peter. The key was shaped like a Les Paul guitar, that I used to wind the siren.  

My tattoos of Billy "Crash" Craddock, Joan Baez, The Righteous Brothers, and Barney Fife may have had some influence on getting the job. Seeing as I bribed the mayor with a Merle Haggard trading card from a pack of bubble gum.

My mom, who was in the 'big house' dressed in orange was all balled up in tears when I told her. My badge number was the number of years that she had to make license plates for the county. She was arrested for deflowering a vegan.

First day on the job I stopped a priest for jaywalking and dressing as a drag queen. He said that it was his habit so I arrested him and read him the Miranda warning. He said that he was only following the neon sign.

"Whut in tarnation does Leon hafta do wif anytang?"

Then he had the gumption to asked if I ever lusted. "I jus busted ya'll fo impersonating Boy George."

He looked as if he was reaching for something in his frilly get up, so I put the Jiu Jitsu on him. But not before he pulled out a chain of coffee beans and cursing someone name Mary. He must have had a bee in his bonnet to mess with the law.

"Ya'll gots de rite to keep yur mouf shut. Anytang ya'll say, may be used agin yo shameful old ass. Ya'llgots de rite to gab wit a mouthpiece. Ifin ya'll cain't 'fowd one, one be pointed fo ya'll."




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