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Dear Richardson...

"Fictitious letters to a friend far away fighting for his country who needs a laugh now and then ."

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Dear Richardson,

Has been a bit since my last write, of sweet and kindness is you. I cannot even begin to thank you (picture me giving you an eye roll as I write this) for sending that musical card to Aunty Mildred for Mothers Day! She carries it around with her in that bottomless pit of a purse of hers, and whips it out when least expected — doing a show and tell to all who visit, proudly telling who sent it .... I do hope your ears are of a lovely ring! We here are in hopes the musical tune soon gives out. As to the little present you sent along with it ... the word "brilliant" did not come to mind! Remind me I owe you a smack to the back of the head next time I see you! What were you thinking? Free passes to the zoo? She, of course, is totally thrilled, having not been since she was a child.

A day trip planned for sure, cue the twilight music. Aunty Mildred at the wheel! Cousin Riggs and Hammy chimed up real quick for the backseat, leaving me the winner of riding up front with her. Nothing has changed with her driving skills, no directionals and she insists that driving over 35 is a waste of seeing of the countryside. The cousins in the backseat sang "row, row, row the float" as the line of cars behind us grew. Each time one got past us the cousins insisted they were waving a royal salute, and waved back with one of their own, thus causing Aunty Mildred to take her eyes off the road to wave back, and me to murmur Hail Mary under my breath as we miraculously missed a tree.

We arrived in one piece, and once there Aunty Mildred gave us the rundown, waving her pointy finger as she always does ... no wandering off, no talking to strangers, blah, blah. Of course we weren't there a half hour before Cousin Riggs claimed the horse needed watering; it must've needed a ride too ... 'cause he disappeared. Cousin Hammy offered to go in search of him but decide not to since Aunty Mildred was doing that look of hers and muttering a streak. Oh yeah, giggles and snorts for sure. We wandered about seeing the exhibits.

Cousin Hammy and Aunty Mildred got into a heated match over which camel was better, a one humper or two. This led to Cousin Hammy wondering what you got if you crossbred one to the other. Aunty Mildred suggested he get his head out of the gutter.

The peacock house was a bust, closed due to illness. Of course, Cousin Hammy theorized it was the work of the Smurfs conspiring to take over the world, wanting everything to be blue. Aunty Mildred told him to hush up and lay off the sippy cup he was carrying.

The Wilds of Africa exhibit was real exciting: a lion passed out in the dust, a hippo standing in a puddle, and an oddly striped zebra. Cousin Hammy claimed the zebra was just a horse with painted stripes left out in the rain when Aunty Mildred remarked how cute it was ... I laughed and got the look. We fed peanuts to the elephants and cracker corncakes to the antelope. At the giraffe exhibit, Aunty Mildred had a little upset — she is now minus a hat. That godawful straw flowered thing that had long since seen better days has finally seen its last. It was last seen about 15 feet upwards being consumed by Gerty the giraffe. Sooooo, hint hint for her upcoming birthday if you are in wonderment about what to get her.

We finally found Cousin Riggs doing a skippy do hop with an organ grinder and his monkey. I must say he was doing pretty good til Aunty Mildred thunked him with her purse, chewing him out for disappearing. While she was chewing him out the monkey climbed into her purse and found that damn card! The monkey must've really liked it, 'cause it refused to give it back, bared its teeth and screeched at her, but leave it to Aunty Mildred to plot and plan. Guess who is heading next week's social gathering? Why of course the organ grinder and his monkey .... she'll get that card back one way or another.

Hugs and kisses,
S.

p.s. — We ended the day with a picnic lunch that Cousin Riggs had tossed together the night before. Aunty Mildred is still trying to figure out how he got a chicken in a can.

@TTJD
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Written by ToeTagJaneDoe
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