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How Can I Choose?

How Can I Choose?

Is making a choice ever easy?

Is it possible to cope simultaneously with the torment of choosing whether I will to stay and accept less than I desire, or the agony of wanting to walk away because I know you'll never be able to give me what I want? Something that means everything to me.

Torn between the exhilaration of a very deep love, or despair born of knowing I walked away from what little I had. Can the heartbreak and grief of a futile want be measured against the desolation I will feel if I walk away from what I cherish the most?

It is what it is… no promises were ever made but love intervened. The choice is mine, but how do I choose? The resulting heartbreak will follow either choice. I want to stay but I want to walk away. Which will bring my heart the least sorrow? If I stay will I have false hope in my heart that things might change? If I walk away will I have regrets? Oh no, there must never be regrets. I must make the right choice now and never look back. This is my last chance. I will never do this to myself again.

I’ve always chosen to stay when this inner war torments me. I want to again, but crave so much more. Can I carry on with the futile wish for more of you? Can I continue with the torturous inner dialogue of debate between love and loss?

Of course I can.

I love you.

I could never leave the part of you that is part of me.

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