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A Nightmare

I had a nightmare about you.

My mind taunted me with vivid images of you, and the time we would have spent together. We smiled, flirted with our eyes and used a hidden language known only to you and I as we pretended to be nothing more than friends whilst in the company of others. I saw you kiss her and hold her hand. You cuddled her close as we all sat and had a good time. You seemed so happy, and I hated it more than anything. I wanted to make it stop, to tell you how much I love you and that we should be together but I knew I couldn't. I knew that it wouldn't help my situation anyway. For the fact remains, that you love her and not me.  

The night shifted from light to dark as we began to get more comfortable and the truth became more clear to both her and me. She began to mock me with what I could not have, and so did you.

You both laughed in my direction before she kissed you and had you touch her in tender places. Places that I ached and wished for you to touch with me. I felt very ashamed and abused, so I went to grab my things to leave, hoping to never look back and never be taunted like this again. You stopped me as I tried to walk out the door and forced me into the corner against a hard wall.

You muttered something as I felt your hot breath on my temple and a stir in my body. The torch that I carry for you ignited in an instant when you leaned your body against me, and I could feel the excitement she had caused pressing against my thigh, but my ears could hear nothing but mockery all around me. As you began to move closer between my legs, my heated flame was quickly snuffed out when I heard you still laughing through the little kisses you were placing on my cheeks and neck.

You were laughing at me.

You were laughing at me, and you were trying to hurt me.

You were laughing at the affections I have for you and how stupid I looked to you for still feeling them. You were laughing at me for being so foolishly in love with you, despite the truth being so apparent. You were laughing at how blind I was to see it and how ignorant I was to ignore the signs of how this all would end.

You reached your hand down to cup my breasts and God; I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted you to love me. You lowered your hands even further to grab between my legs and Jesus Christ, I wanted to love that too, but I knew you were only doing any of this to make a fool of me. To hurt me intentionally and I couldn't understand why. Did you not love me once? Was I really so unimportant to you now? How could you love a person like her when I was standing right here? All I wanted to do was love and be loved by you, and I couldn't understand how you could do this to me now, in front of her. I felt hot tears roll down my face as any pleasure I once had was quickly replaced by fear.

Memories and a horrible, sick feeling jolted me awake, and I couldn't breathe. I trembled in my bed as I felt those hot tears on my face and I screamed into my pillow. I was so terrified because my mind had coupled your face with the actions of other men and has made me so fearful of you now. My mind was simply telling me that what you did was no different than what trauma had been done already. That you have taken my sanity from me, now, just as they did then.

Only, you penetrated much deeper this time.

You took my heart and soul from me instead.

I had a nightmare about you, and I desperately wish that I hadn't.


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