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Canary Row - part 2

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I had just blown a crater in the backyard large enough to swallow ma and pa's retirement home. It was only one stick of dynamite to rid the septic tank of piranhas.
The blast could be heard in downtown Little Rock which was twenty-two miles away as the crow flew. When all the dust settled in the trailer park, it looked like Pompei. Ma was pissed because it interrupted her favorite TV show. The Price Is Right. We are still looking for Pa. We did locate his catheter that he recently got out of pawn. Is toupee, turned out to be an armadillo with the mange.    
"Son, eff'n we kin't find him we will seance him unner mah full moon."
A moment later, I can't be sure, as time was an irrelevant thing at that point. The landfill was sliding toward town. "Ah doesn't see elephants."
I had recently been relieved of my stature as the security guard at the trailer park. It seems as if I had inadvertently falsely accused Mother Thresa's third cousin of impersonating Johnny Cash. I also confiscated her prosthetic leg before putting her on a Greyhound Bus riding her out of town. At least she had a scenic view. Before boarding the bus she hexed me by giving me a plus sign with her fingers."  
I am temporarily employed as a pain in the ass for a local proctologist/ lawn mower repair man. It doesn't pay well, but he is reseeding  Pompei. Also, he bronzed my hemorrhoids which I now carry in my pocket for a lucky charm.
My new girlfriend, Unice Emogene, slings hash at the nearby truck stop and gift shop. We communicate by CB radio.    
"Breaker…breaker..1…9. Yo gotcher ears on?
"10-4. Thar's a bar in hear eatin' hashbrowns."
"Winnie the pooh!"  
"How menny times haf ah toad yo', thet a bar is cop?"
"How is th' diesel holdin' out?"
"Outta weasel but we haf plenty of crawtails."
"Does th' gif' shop haf Pore Richard's Cadillac?"
 "Thet's almanac."
"Ah ain't axin' about almonds."

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