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Sir Harold the Earless Wonder

Tags: rabbit, ears

A rabbit with small ears and big brains saves the day.

Harold the rabbit had exceptionally small ears. They were so small, in fact, you could barely see them.

All the other rabbits made fun of Harold. It didn’t matter to them that Harold could hop and nibble like the best of them. Or that he was smart. They simply could not get past his ears, small as they were.

The rabbits had nicknames for Harold, such as “Stubby,” or when they were feeling particularly clever, “Sir Harold the Earless Wonder” (always said with a bow).

Harold couldn’t remember the last time someone called him just “Harold.”

And then there were the obnoxious bunnies that chased Harold around chanting:

Bunnies! Bunnies! Give three cheers!
Help poor Stubby find his ears!

Once when Harold was feeling particularly low, he bought some fake ears from his friend the fox. That didn’t work out too well. They were hot pink. Needless to say, the bunnies had a field day: 

Bunnies! Bunnies! Give three cheers!
For Uncle Stubby’s hot pink ears!

It was bad enough the other rabbits doubted Harold’s rabbithood. But they also left him out of the best activities, like foraging for vegetables in nearby Farmer Jones’s field.

Before hopping off to Farmer Jones, the rabbits always had something mean to say to Harold like, “Stubby, we’re going to see what’s growing in Farmer Jones’s patch. Why don’t you see about growing yourself some ears?”

“Ha, Ha!” Harold would reply out loud. Then he’d mutter, “Why don’t you see about growing some scallions out of your ears.”

Harold actually had tried to grow his ears. An opossum he knew gave him some lotion that apparently made his second cousin’s tail grow to the unheard-of length of seven feet! Harold tried the lotion on his ears, but they didn’t grow a lick. They did however itch for a week.

Meanwhile, the rabbits multiplied and so did the trips to Farmer Jones. The farmer wasn’t all too happy to lose so many fine vegetables. So, he got himself a mean dog named Rufus, who was good at hunting rabbits.

Thanks to Rufus, the trips to Farmer Jones’s field stopped, and the rabbits started to go hungry.

The leader of the rabbits, a particularly long-eared rabbit named Earwin, called an emergency meeting for that afternoon. The other rabbits prepared for the meeting by hopping around aimlessly. Harold actually thought of a plan. If only the rabbits could dress up like Farmer Jones, they could slip past Rufus.

Harold asked his friend the fox to lend a paw. The fox snuck into the farmhouse and borrowed some of the farmer’s old clothing and hats, and even some of his aftershave. When Harold put on some overalls and a straw hat, he was the spitting image of Farmer Jones!

When the meeting began, Earwin said, “Does anyone other than me have any brilliant ideas?”

A voice from the back responded, “I do!”

The rabbits turned around to see who had spoken, and they all hopped back in fear. Standing before them was Farmer Jones, or so they thought.

Harold removed the straw hat.

“Oh, it’s just Stubby!” the rabbits cried out in relief.

Spreading out the clothing and hats in front of him, Harold explained his plan.

“I’ve got enough clothing so that a bunch of us can dress up like Farmer Jones or one of his cousins, since they all look alike anyhow!”

“And look!” continued Harold as he sprinkled some aftershave into the air, “We can even smell like a Jones!”

Earwin seemed impressed. He rolled up his long ears and put on one of the straw hats. It fit fine… that is until his ears uncoiled like springs, sending the hat flying in the air!

All the rabbits, except Harold, laughed at Earwin, until they were silenced by his glare.

“Of all the stupid ideas!” Earwin yelled, “Take a hop, Stubby! I have a much better plan.”

As Harold gathered his things to leave, he saw the leader’s great idea – plastic dog masks. Harold wanted to say the masks had no way of working, since the rabbits’ long ears would stick out over the masks. But he was in no mood to be helpful.

Meanwhile, several rabbits put on the dog masks and hopped into Farmer Jones’s field. Rufus spotted them at once. At first he was fooled by the masks, but he was no dummy of a dog. He knew rabbit ears when he saw them! He chased the rabbits into a corner, barking madly. The noise alerted Farmer Jones, who rounded up the rabbits and threw them into a cage.

The mood among the rabbits was gloomy. Rumor had it Mrs. Farmer Jones was fixing to make rabbit pot pie out of their captured friends. The rabbits sat around Earwin, who was out of ideas.

When Harold heard the news, he knew he was the only one who could save the rabbits. He donned overalls, a plaid shirt and a straw hat. (Due to his teeny ears, the hat fit his head as snugly as his tail fit his bottom.) He dabbed himself with aftershave.

Hopping over to the group of moping rabbits, he said, “Have no fear, I’ll bring back our friends!”

Harold rubbed his foot for good luck and leapt off to Farmer Jones.

Rufus spotted Harold right away and bounded toward the poor rabbit, barking ferociously.

“Oh bunny, I’m rabbit stew,” Harold muttered. But upon reaching Harold, the dog plopped himself down on his back and let Harold scratch his tummy. Soon enough, Farmers Jones called Rufus back to the farmhouse.

Harold then jumped over to the cage where the rabbits were locked up and let them out. They quietly hopped back toward their burrow.

As they approached home, the newly freed rabbits hoisted Harold onto their shoulders and chanted: 

Rabbits! Rabbits! Yell like thunder!
Hip, Hip! Sir Harold, the Fearless Wonder!

They were met by Earwin, who was carrying a long carrot.

“Stub.. er, Harold, kindly kneel,” he said.

Tapping Harold on the head with the carrot, the leader proclaimed, “In honor of your courage, I knight thee Sir Harold the Fearless Wonder!”

The rabbits all clapped and cheered, and then drank sparkling carrot juice into the night.

From then on, none of the rabbits called Harold “Stubby” anymore.

Nor did they call him “Sir Harold the Earless Wonder” or even “Sir Harold the Fearless Wonder.”

To Harold’s delight, they called him just, “Harold.”

This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

Copyright © Copyright for all stories submitted by QuirkyStories belongs to D. Benjamin Baskin. This copyright extends to any original characters featured in stories submitted by QuirkyStories. Please consult with author if you wish to incorporate any QuirkyStories story in a publication or compilation, adapt it to another format or media, or profit by it in any manner.

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