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Low And Outside

All things mentioned are time-honoured traditions...

Here’s the pitch...

“Dad, what’s vintage mean?”

Day off. Trying to watch some ball. Alone. But my daughter invited herself to unintentionally annoy me. She asked the question while examining the label on my freshly-emptied bottle of port.

“It’s a nice way of saying old.”


She then asked, “What’s classic mean?” while inspecting her can of Coke.

“It’s another nice way of saying old.”

Swing ‘n a miss. Steer-rike two!

My daughter, before speaking again, looked at the oversized, mother-in-law-gifted, family portrait conspicuously placed above my flat screen.

Folks, it doesn't get better than this...

“Is grandma vintage or classic?”

“Neither. She’s a nasty old bitch.”

Steer-rike three! You’re outta here!

The pitch was low and outside, but still begged for a swing. Wisely, I let that callous cutter split the plate.

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