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More Doc Johnson-isms...
By
Dreamcatcher

More Doc Johnson-isms...

Why is it that when you order items to be delivered from your local lumber yard for a home project, the missing item is always the one you needed most to do the project.

Does anyone else think that porch pirates work in conjunction with certain drivers of package delivery services?

Why is it that when the instructions say “No Tools Required”, you always need tools?

Do you ever wonder why it is that your computer can work so smoothly and seamlessly, but as soon as you turn it off and go to sleep, the next morning when you turn it on it is a complete clusterphuck.

ATM’s and point-of-purchase machines have been in place for over twenty years, yet the person in front of you always acts as if they’ve never even seen one of these before.

Why is it that all of the assigned handicap parking spaces are always full at golf courses, movie theaters, and amusement parks, but the spaces in front of places of work are always empty.

Why is it that “vine-ripened” tomatoes at the grocery store don’t taste, look, or feel like the vine-ripened tomatoes in my garden?

So you’re sitting at a red light waiting to go straight when a big semi-truck pulls into the left turn lane across from you. Sure enough, your light turns green, but he keeps rolling and runs his red light at 4 mph and his trailer hasn’t even finished crossing the lanes when your light turns yellow.

Why did Fruit Cocktail taste so much better as a kid?

Does anyone else think the sticks in popsicles should be edible?

I can remember as a younger man, that when retailers had too much of something, you could wait until they would mark the price down and put it on sale. Now, they deliberately keep products in short supply, then mark the price up and put it on sale.

Shell Oil made $4 Billion dollars in profit, shared in a $25 billion dollar tax break to corporations, they charge 29% interest on their credit cards, and keep jacking the gas prices to the breaking point. There should be some “point of absurdity greed tax” slapped on all of these MF’ers.

Why do people go on these reality TV shows? Don’t they realize that no one in history has ever looked good on these shows?

When I was a kid in elementary school, we had a paste pot with this white sticky goo that literally stuck everything until the end of time. Now, I have a cabinet in my garage that has every known super-duper-space age-scientifically generated product on earth. None of which ever repairs the item I need to be fixed.

Anyone ever wonder why tornadoes always hit trailer parks and fires always burn million dollar custom homes?

Why is it that we have structures all around the world that defy logic and have withstood the laws of nature and the destructive tendencies of humankind for thousands of years and today all we have left are people who can’t even paint a porch.

…add your own…

 

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