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Chasing Shadows
By
Shotgun011

Chasing Shadows

Out there where the river flows, is where the desert owns all and the time has come to say fair’s fair, and a fact is a fact. The Southwestern Desert lives and breathes like all living things do, and somehow it helps this heart of mine and there is a long way to go and I know that I have been here before. And maybe one day all the sorrows will end and all the troubles will finally go. With many a road having been followed and walked upon and seems I have been trying to answer those questions in my mind just like The Who’s Seeker. And sometimes watching the sky break like a promise that’s been made as the rain falls, and sometimes shook my hands and head and questioned why I am out here.

Sometimes I pause and think of that old El Paso skyline and that sea of lights down in the mission valley seen from scenic drive and the fragments of those thousands of memories that surface on occasion, and it doesn’t do any good sometimes to look back though we all tend to look back that long road that stretches out behind and before me. Feeling at times like it should be the hour of my confession as I look around and see that sunbaked earth around me in the heat and under those vibrant blue skies, where warm winds are constantly blowing. At times I dream of rain and feel time rush through my head, and of God who lives here in the desert sands.

Occasionally looking up at the bare skies above, and feeling like I should be dressed in the dark coarse robes of a pilgrim as I make my way. Once it seemed I had angels watching over me and kept the devils from knocking at my door, and defeated them somehow. I might not have noticed but I took all for granted, and love was not a stranger then, and I was never asked if I knew where I was going to, or if I liked those things life has been showing me. Reality can be so daunting with many things becoming so hard to explain at times, especially in the light of reason.

In a lot of cases I hear nothing but doom and gloom, sometimes as I make my way on down the line. And knowing in most cases it’s a fine line between friend and foe, as well as truth and lies. I have dues like everyone else that have to be paid, and Lord knows I have paid some of those dues in the process of making my way on down the line. Knowing someday the good Lord will take us all away with all being too easy anymore to be hard, heartless, and cold, with no feelings for any but themselves. Making all seem like I have had enough of this life, and I know everybody hurts at times, with everything seeming to be done is wrong.

It seems that some I pass stop and stare, and I don’t hear a word they are saying and only see the shadows of their eyes, and like Dylan once said; “ I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be.” Still I look for your face in all those places I have passed through out here and even out on that old Highway 61, and wonder where you and some others ended up after all took place, and though the moments have passed by like tears in the rain, there are times when I can’t seem to turn away along with all the dreams I thought would never be lost, and instead just crumbled to dust and blew away.

Out here in the desert I can feel the shadows when they come to fall and am able to sense the rain, and madness sometimes tries to take control and it’s toll. And that is the time and moments when I need to keep in iron control. With there some times when the blackness threatens and the void calls, from another dimension. And being well secluded and in a state of being both invisible and visible I am able to see all. Heading South and West on these dark roads through these burning sands, seeing things breaking up all around, and been told I will never be greater than myself but, then again I didn’t care for what they said or for their words of praise like when I was likened to some kind of a wanderin’ ghost.

Heading on down the line through this sunburned earth, and desert full of bones and occasionally seeing red, and count as I pray to keep from exploding outward in a pattern and denying them the chance to use all as ammunition against me. With there being those victories that have had some of my demons counting as they say rosaries after falling in defeat. And still I continue searching for those answers I’ve been seeking and know there is a good possibility the desert will offer some up and I won’t get to get what I’m looking for till the day I die.

I seem to have values and don’t know how or why, and some seem to hate me because I don’t seem to smile, and seem shocked when I raise my voice in anger and then see a bit of a smile, and I focus outwards and investigate the miles, and feed off their vibes.

Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. August 2016 – 39

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