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Doc Johnson's Rules of Life

Doc Johnson's Rules of Life

Tags: humor, wisdom

No matter where you stand, anything dropped in the kitchen will always kick, bounce, twirl, and roll under the refrigerator.

The amount of sugar, creamer, salt or pepper in those little paper containers will always be just a tad less than you need.

No matter how much battery you have left on your cellphone, it will always die 10 minutes before you absolutely need it.

Whenever you need cash, the ATM closest to you will always be out of order and the next closest ATM charges the most fee.

When a traffic light turns green, the last car to make it through will always be the one just ahead of you.

If shopping in a toy store for a present, out of hundreds of games and toys, you will always get the one with the missing piece.

While changing batteries in an item that you require for use, you will always have one less than you need or plenty of the wrong type.

Smoke detectors on the highest ceiling in your home will always go off between 2:00 am and 3:00 am in the morning for low battery.

The blue ink pen you are using will always run out of ink before you are done.

When your blue pen runs out of ink, the only other pen in the house will always be red ink.

No matter what internet site you go to, the screen name you want to use will always be already in use.

Whenever you update your operating system on your computer, cellphone or tablet to correct problems, you will always find new and greater problems that you never had before the update.

Even though you must make room in your pantry for a large rectangular box of product when opened, you will always find the box only 1/3 full, and it could have fit in a small sandwich container.

Potato chips which are advertised with inundated flavors will always taste like potato chips that wished they tasted like those flavors.

Almond milk, cashew milk, and coconut milk are not milk at all and will always be nut juice.

Any foods labeled as fat-free or lite will always be tasteless and vastly less than satisfying.

Keyless autos will always require a key.

Home security systems which record a break-in will not show how smart the perpetrators were, but will always show how stupid you were.

No matter what the reason is, the more you need to get somewhere in a hurry, you will always miss your turn or catch every possible red light.

Whenever you have something that is un-scratchable or unbreakable, yours will always scratch or break.

When shopping and your tab ends in odd cents, you will always have one penny less than you need for even cash, even though you count it out loud three times hoping for mercy.

On long trips, and you have to pee really badly, the closest gas station will always be 14 miles ahead on the wrong side of the highway.

No matter what time of day, what day of the week or wherever you choose to go, it will always be when everyone else decided to go too.

To be continued.. feel free to add your own rules..

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Copyright © 2010-2040 LDJohnson (Dreamcatcher) - All rights reserved, including all copyrights and all other intellectual property rights in the contents hereof.

The contents and composition herein are not to be copied, reproduced, printed, published, posted, displayed, incorporated, stored in or scanned into a retrieval system or database, transmitted, broadcast, bartered or sold, in whole or in part without the prior express written permission of this author.

Unauthorized duplication is strictly prohibited and will be considered illegally plagiarized and subject to any or all damage claims, and is an infringement of National and International Copyright laws.

This composition may have been inspired by something seen or heard at a time or place heretofore forgotten. In all cases, credit has been attempted to be properly given and when so given, shown as a note or in footnotes. Failure to give proper credit is a mere oversight and/or unknown to this author and not an intentional act.

It is intended to reflect an original work of fiction or based upon personal experiences. Names, characters, places, and descriptions of incidents are products of this author's imagination, fictitiously expressed, personal experience expressed either in detail or loosely referenced, or merely the humble opinion of this author. Any similarities to actual persons or events are coincidental and subject to this author's determination.

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