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Seagulls Don't Give A...

Are we sure human beings are the smart ones?

As long as no one tried to shoot or eat me, I'd like to be a bird. A seagull, to be exact. Flying around, crapping on cars, telling people to flock off. Maybe even make a few little ones. It's a perfect life.

They are also completely disconnected.

Some days, I also wonder what being disconnected would be like - no phone, no television or radio or internet, and definitely, no intrusive, judgemental in-laws.

However, for me to be totally disconnected, I'd probably need to be, oh, I don't know - dead.

Dead was the first thing that came to mind. Okay, maybe I could again be a new born, but that's just a connected user in waiting.

Better yet. I could be a seagull.

Today, the kids and I watched an arrogant, but free-spirited gull cross the road. Jaybird walking, no less. Why did he cross, you ask?

Because he could, and he knew that we knew, that he could.

He took his sweet, feather-assed time about it too. It could easily have been someone plugged-in, probably tweeting some bird-brained nonsense, tempting pedestrian fate.

Didn't give a shit; not a care in the world. He sauntered like that too.

"Dad!" the boy exclaimed. "Look at that stupid shit hawk walking across the street."

Yes, I taught him that.

"You're a bird, you know," my son yelled. "You can fly!"

Jonathan Livingston then engaged the kid by flipping him the human. His gawk, "Hey! I'm walkin' here!" clearly identified him as a transplanted New Yorker.

My son narrated and we giggled as the bird reached the other side, turned, looked both ways, and then crossed again.

"You're a bird," the boy laughed. "Why are you walking?"

Because he could, boy. We've already addressed that.

Once reaching the other side, our avian entertainer took a bow, with extended gull wing across his chest, demonstrating that safely crossing the road is less a chicken joke, and more an easily performed stupid human trick.

Then, as if saying, "Hey targets, try this," he took fight, and with absolute precision, dropped a white-splattered deuce in the middle of my windshield.

I think seagulls are smarter that us, they don't give a fuck, and I want to be one.

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