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HomePoetry Stories Always Know the Context! These are NOT “dirty” Christmas Limericks!

Always Know the Context! These are NOT “dirty” Christmas Limericks!

My annual Christmas contribution. Know the complete story before you judge something!

Context is always critical.

Santa gave out a big a whack
right after an elf squeezed his sack!
The elf had no reason
but it’s Christmas season
so Santa just cut him some slack.
(He squeezed Santa’s toy sack. Delicate, breakable stuff in there. But Santa was a good egg about it.)

Santa loves flying his sleigh
but misses his wife when away.
When Christmas is over
he calls her right over
and gives her a big Christmas lei.
(He grabs one in Honolulu after enjoying a short lay-over there.)

A young virgin elf first-named Gary,
was longing to taste a sweet cherry.
He rolled up his sleeve
on one cold Christmas Eve
and he did it with not virgin Mary.
(Mary is his granny and also a bartender. She taught him to mix a Cherry Bomb--i.e.-- fill a highball glass with ice, and pour in the cherry juice, vodka, and orange juice. Stir to mix, and garnish with maraschino cherries to serve. )

A deer on-the-registry Todd
was shunned because he acted odd.
He’d prong a fresh Twinkie
and then take his pinkie
and smear cream on his 6 inch rod.
( He’s registered with the NRA. He lubes the 6” barrel of his 38 pistol with the cream and then licks it off. Weird but it’s a macho reindeer thing some do on the down-and-low.)

Rudolph’s big bright nose is red
because of what he eats in bed.
When with his young Mrs.
besides hugs and kisses
he likes to sniff--enough said!.
(He loves licking and sniffing red jelly beans. Wife keeps a bowl near the bed. End of story…..period.)


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Copyright © © Lee Goldberg. All Rights Reserved. Contact info:

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