It's a Choice

By Living_A_Horror

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Tags: hurt, depression, sadness

Added: 17 Sep 2017 Views: 551 Avg Score: 5

They say that happiness is a choice 


I don't recall ever saying I don't want to be happy 


If happiness is a choice, doesn't that mean that depression is too? 


When standing in the line, I don't remember ever saying "yeah I decided I don't wanna see the light anymore. 


I want to feel like I'm walking down a dark hall for the rest of my life 


I never want to know when the light will flicker back on 


I never want to see a bright side anymore 


I want to feel like I'm alone 


I want to wish I was dead with each and every single step that I take in this dark hall."


I don't remember filling out a questionnaire about how I want my thoughts to be


I don't wake up with the intent to being sad all day 


I want to smile and be happy


I want to yearn to go out


I wish I wanted to go out and do things, but every single time I get out of bed there's a voice in my head that begs me to get back in, bundle myself up and hopefully suffocate in the process 


I hear that voice in everything I do


I just want to smile again and go out with my friends, but every time I'm out with them that voice comments on how pathetic I am


It tells me how much those people don't want me around and I would be better off dead


It shows me how I could do it and how happy everyone would be when I was gone 


Then I snap myself out of it, I try to smile and the cycle repeats 


I don't remember choosing depression 


I only remember it choosing me