The Babymakers of Man

Mary called them babymakers, no matter what the size,
When they swelled inside her and popped their sweet surprise.
She loved the large and the small; she treated them the same.
Emptying all the fluid was how she saw the game.
She collected all the evidence when the deed was through,
And labeled each manly specimen: Date, Name, Time 1, Time 2.
She'd had sex with a hundred men, and a teen or two,
It’s always in her plan to record the rendezvous.
She loved the catalogue-ing of every man she bedded.
The files filled her cabinet; the sex she never regretted.
She recorded each babymaker's volume...and fertility,
Keeping detailed notes about “time to recover” and the frequency.
She drained each man completely until no more was had,
Placing samples in a freezer within her private lab.
 
When it was discovered that she had saved it all,
Policemen wondered loudly about her wherewithal.
There was nothing illegal about the deed she'd done.
There were no complaints, no victims, nary a single one.
But like the law is want to do, to show its silliness,
The DNA was analyzed; statements sent to each known address.
Mrs. Williams was surprised when she opened up the mail,
Smacked her cheating hubby dead, she went to county jail.
George's wedding was deferred, and most indefinitely,
by "I'm No Longer Engaged"  Ms. Hermione.

As everyone came to know, there was a hullabaloo,
Across the county, menfolk feared Mary's Who's Who.
The detailed notes were printed in all the local news,
Some men hailed as heroes while others sang the blues.
Poor Mary could not stay and found she had to move.
Her life's work compromised by the newspaper's review.
Soon she found another place, one with lots of land,
And continued with her study "The Babymakers of Man."