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The Diaries of Two Lonely Hearts

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Dear ... It doesn't really matter nobody will ever read this.

Hi, I'm Zander. My therapist says I should keep a diary, and I thought it be a good idea until I realized that it wasn't. I hate writing, I always have, and I don't really think it would matter if anyone sees this because I don't plan on writing in here very much. I am 15 years old and I live in Dorchester in Boston MA. But it doesn't really matter, who would care? I'm writing in here because I was told to, not because I want to. 

I'm going to get right to the point. My mom died last year, killed herself over my dad who had raped my sister and killed her. I don't know where my dad is anymore, nor do I care. I hope he got hit by a train, or a car, maybe even got murdered. I really don't care, I just hope he's dead and gone. I don't live with my other sister, Bella, anymore. I guess she was too young for my dad, and since I'm a boy, I guess Lexa was just perfect for him. But like I said I don't care, he's worthless to me. 

I'm not like every other teen who's gone through something like this. I haven't cut myself, thought about suicide, or hurt someone because I'm hurting. Maybe that's why my therapist can't figure out what's wrong with me. Maybe there really isn't anything wrong with me. I hate dads. I get angry sometimes, but who doesn't? I don't like to think about what happened, but other than that I'm your average 15 year old boy.

I think certain girls are hot, I've done stuff with girls, I've done stupid stunts that you would see on Jack Ass. I hang with my "guy friends", I play football, I hate school, and I love dancing. I'm not sure why everyone thinks something is wrong with me, nothing is. Sure I feel sad I lost my mom, of course I'm sad about losing my sister that way, and of course I miss my little sister and I hope her fosters treat her way better than I or my mom could have. 

Bella is the only real family I have left and I don't really get to see her much anymore. She is turning 7 in a few days. I wish I could see her...

But anyways I start school tomorrow, I've already got a place on the football team. I play running back and wide receiver. I get to play with my boys, Angel and Anthony, they've been my best friends since I moved to Beverly two years ago.

Beverly I swear is the whitest town I have ever seen, there are people walking around in Aeropostel, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Pink. I don't get why girls here think they have to dress in what everyone else is wearing just to fit in. Don't people want to be different? Have people see them for who they are? Or is everyone here scared they are going to lose all their friends that they made because they're fake? It makes no sense to me at all.

I wish I could just meet one person that was real, true and didn't care what people really thought about them. I want to meet someone real with their own face, with their own actions and not that of others. Is that too much to ask? I want to move back to Dorchester. I hate it here in Beverly. I miss all my friends.

-zander

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