Cal Zone knew he was in trouble. His partner, Justin Case had been taken hostage by the biggest crime boss in the Midwest. Carmine (Itchy) Ricketts controlled all of the corruption in Trippen Falls, South Dakota. Cal sat in his favored 4-door, Canary yell...
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The worst word in golf. I know, it’s part of the etiquette of the game, but it’s the part we all hate to shout or hear. It’s one of those things in the arsenal of golf, like mulligans and do-overs and foot wedges. Once the dreaded “Fore!” has been uttered...
Peen Goes to a Swimming Pool
Peen has a summertime escapadePeen slipped through a gate in the wire mesh fencing, between pink oleanders, and out onto the deck of the swimming pool. He stood proudly in the simmering heat of the summer sun. His splayed feet were shod in sandals. He wore a cabana shirt dotted with g...
Yes Man
An unwilling 'yes man' gets his revengeYou taught me to be a 'yes man'You ground me down like saltI once was full of questionsNow I ignore every faultYou taught me to be a 'yes man'You hated to hear 'no'So if you walk towards a cliffI'll just smile and let you go
The Wang-wang-pede
If you go down to the beach today, you're in for a big surprise...A wang-wang-pede rose from 'neath the seaAnd sclobbered towards the beachOn seven and twenty tenticlawsWith a retching craw-craw screechHe flared his squinty nostrilsThen snapped his clack-clack beakHis tenticlaws grabbed man and childAnd he slapped his g...
Masterful Tony Rode A Masterful Pony
What foul deeds will old Mrs Bunyons get up to this time?Masterful Tony rode a masterful ponyThrough the streets of the small village fayreIt neighed and it brayedAnd clip-cloppity swayedWithout worry, nor hurry, nor care.Then old Mrs Bunyons, grabbed her sack of onionsAnd threw it on Tony's young backThe pony...
A young ladybug named BarryWas lost on an African prairieChoking on dustHe thought that he mustNever again follow that lying canary. He heard of a race being heldFirst prize was a trip to HartfeldA village near homeWhere no lions roamIf he won, his woes w...
Ball of String
One man's fight to save his townMonday Ron leaned back in his chair, resting the back against the side of the station. An old rusty yellow and green pickup truck was making its way down the highway in his direction. He unscrewed the top of his Snapple bottle and drank a deep draught o...
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Chapter Five Valerian hits a dead ende and takes a right, his steps silent on the tile floor. The building was not originally a precinct but a Sunday school or something in the 50s, and it has a basement. Most of the walls separating the classrooms were...
At the Fair
Retired postal worker goes to county fair to relax, but finds something amiss.Gus attended the county fair for some well earned leisure time and an afternoon filled with relaxed thoughts. He was a recent retiree from his career as a U.S. Postoffice mail sorter. He had spent long, painstaking hours accurately sorting mail, and packa...
Chapter Four The precinct is bustling with activity when they enter. Calypso is nibbling on a cherry filled donut. Unlike vampires, succubi can digest human food. While not their main source of sustenance, Valerian knows Calypso enjoys a variety of dish...
Chapter Three Michael heads through the front door and down the porch steps. He waits in the driveway for his partner, Vick, to finish up. He should help but he wants to climb in his car and not look back, yet also turn around and march back to Valeri...
Chapter Two When they pull up to the crime scene, a nondescript single-story house, human officers swarm the yard, already having taped off the house. Calypso is the first out of the car, followed closely by Melissa. Valerian ambles from the back seat,...
S.E.C.R.E.T. Chapter One
A supernatural love story where people almost get eaten by a monster.Chapter One Valerian wakes to a shrill sound going off by his bed. The bed sheets are tangled and constricted around him, one of the reasons he stopped sleeping in a coffin. He's a very restless sleeper. When he was younger and a coffin was not option...
Always Know the Context! These are NOT “dirty” Christmas Limericks!
My annual Christmas contribution. Know the complete story before you judge something!Santa gave out a big a whackright after an elf squeezed his sack!The elf had no reasonbut it’s Christmas seasonso Santa just cut him some slack.(He squeezed Santa’s toy sack. Delicate, breakable stuff in there. But Santa was a good egg about it.) Santa lo...