Just because I gave a man a thock,I’m in the dock,for one wee thock.He batted my sushi away,“meat is murder”, he did bray,so he got a thock,and now I’m in the dock.The judge, not easily swayed,decided I was to be put away,for thirty days, no less!The vegg...
When you are tiredOr just feeling emptyWhen you've had enoughCome back to me.When the disco's overAnd your eyes can seeYou are all aloneCome back to me.When nothing makes senseAnd the world becomes meanI am here with open armsCome back to me.If ever you'r...
Warning: Hey, I know this isn’t very good – ‘tas written many, many moons ago and recently rediscovered on an old CD (remember those?). Seriously, it's a miracle this guy ever gets any action at all. But believe you me, it was way more embarrassing/painfu...
Behind the door is another door and behind that door is a demon, but you already knew that. Behind the demon, there’s nothing. The demon is you, didn’t you know? You should do. Something tells me you’re not as self-aware as you think you are. Me? Oh, I do...
Let us talk about ducksShould be easy with any luck.They don't growl and they don't cluck.They quack and quack and don't get stuck. They have cute webbed feet,Their meat is such a treat,They don't bark and they don't bleat,They like fish; tasty to eat. Wh...
Imagine how funny it would be if a woman called Jaffa, married a man with the surname Cake. I have a problem with that. Not because it might be misconstrued as racist, because that’s just stupid. It’s just a name! No, what I do have a problem with, is tha...
I like drink,and drink, I think,likes me. What a pair we are,keeping one another company.Like old mates,we have a laugh. Guess what?I don't get a hangover.Never once. Now you hate me,and I giggle "teehee".Anyone got some brie? I'm drunkin the manner of a...
Oh, yawn,might I compare thee,to a word that rhymes with thee?Or maybe I shouldclimb a tree?I don't know,but I'll let the words flow,they may be slow,but I'm gonna crow.Oh, crow, might I compare ya,to yer elderly pa?Nope, nada and definitely nah.I think I...
I imagine it to be the last in queue: a line first, then a diagonal cross that leaves you astonished, amazed that later melts into a familiar line, just a simple little line. almost as knowing as a human, it can hide very well; its siblings s and c are me...
I stroke my beard,am I weird? Well you have to be weirdto wield a beard!Like a Lord,I strut about with a sword.Am I a Lord? No, but I have a sword!A bacon sandwich,I eat at Nantwich.I have a stitch,Oh, bloody sandwich!I’m an ordinary man,eating a sandwich...
I’m not a fan of plectra.I don’t find them all that electra.Or spectaculah.But this one,a jazzy wee plum,fit right between my finger and thumb.It made a noise,oh boy, oh boys!What a lovely noise.I played with it for more than a minuteI fell in love, innit...
Marination...Wine...Writing...Good combo? No’ always.Y’uft. This isny a poem,it’s a random...Stringing of words.Pseudo stanzas...Drunken rambling,unedited.Crap.And that’s the way it shall stay. For the record, I’m not that drunk, and that "isny", is a Sco...
A blank page, this isny right,in fact, it's bloody shite!The page should be filled wi' text,a curious mix ae Scottish and English,It's whit a speak and also write. My rhyming, there, jist fell oot,but quick as a flash, I'll right that wrongthen I'll sing...
Stormy weather. Nice to be out in. There’s a cyclone on the horizon and it looks pretty. I don’t know why, but I have this strange compulsion to look directly at it. It’s taking houses, trees, everything with it, but I just can’t leave my house to escape...
This third person narrative thing. I might as well give it a go. Here we go, then...Fuck that shit. You don’t realise it,But you’re illiterate.Think you’re being astute. You’re being ass toot. Wait, that wasn’t third person, was it? Let me try again...I t...
