There are times when it seems I just can’t understand some things that just might be so clear, and yes, I am guilty of being hard on myself just like many others are on themselves. Still, there might be a last time that might be drawing clear with the second hand catching as it always does. Yet, so much has been wrong and it is doubtful if it can ever be put to right, just like hearing familiar voices on the wind which has me closing my eyes till the moments pass and try not to remember the beauty that was destroyed or when I was skating near the edge of the void. Which sometimes has me wishing I was blind to some of the things especially with all that I have been through that should have torn me in two but didn’t.
Been told by some to carry on and others to stop and go no further, as I saw behind their illusion and some of my charades were an event of the season while masquerading as a person with a reason. Knowing I will always remember and has me wonder if Heaven surely waits for me when I finally lay my head to rest?
Tired of all the people talking and the gossip and innuendo that they say is true, has me thinking I should take a chance and make my way back to where I am from. While letting them, all choke on their pride and make sure I ain’t talking unless it’s needed so that nothing can be turned and warped into a weapon against me. Melodrama is so much fun with black and white for everyone in this vicious cabaret, where soon we will see the young men in the old men’s bars taking their time and turn to slowly die as Friday night goes too far, and the dim light hides the years. Listening to them choke on their anger which doesn't impress me much after having been kicked hard by life and having been struck by sound across my face loud enough to attempt to drive both choices and thoughts from my mind.
I may be a bit weaker than I used to be and I have been to the edge and back again, and knowing the reason(s) why unlike most who have attempted to go there the way a thousand others who have all come and gone. Now they grieve cause now is gone along with all the missed chances and thoughts of things being good when they were young. Standing alone in most cases as I head on down the line and though I have never shown it I have been afraid at times, but then again no one but a chosen few have been allowed to see me bleed or crawl. I might seem to not have feelings without emotions, and some understand while others have no care and seem to think as if they have been withered by the sun.
When full stops happen is when they learn as I did that’s when the sorrows come and not as single spies in the night, but in battalions and that’s when they lose hope. Making it easy to sharpen the senses and then move in for the kill, and wonder if you will let go of my hand or how far you can send emotion or are your hopes on the line? Though it might seem as I am stumbling, as I continue on down the line, but it’s just how it seems, how parts of it starts, to be able to walk away when the Tao directs and avoid being filled with doubt and making it seem to be at times as if I am bullet proof. While being like fire, as I walk in, as a catalyst for change like Dylan’s Jack of Hearts.
Having put barriers to keep myself intact and still having to avoid the ones that they have deliberately placed in my ways. Still, every road has a beginning and an end, and I don’t need to be afraid to let it all in as I manage to zigzag past those obstacles along with all the bridges that were burned. There have been times when some have said I have been put out to pasture and they change whatever they say day by day after telling us and telling us that. While then saying, it doesn’t matter, and just like Casey at the bat, it’s time to change the batter. With there being times it feels like I am sitting out on the ocean and taking on the big waves being thrown at me, and thanks to some of the thoughts being said out loud and after having been heard along with them being praised has caused me to start ending friendships.
So just be true and free like a rootless tree and take your thoughts to be flexible enough to reinvent yourself. As you let go of all that you have been told and their words of praise, and believe what you know is true and right. Even if you look in the mirror and have to make peace with the enemy there in the glass on the shelf, and get out and go where the Tao directs.
Copyright: Timberwolf International LTD. March 2017 – 16
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