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Active Ink Slinger
TOP TEN BUMPERSTICKERS ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE
10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
9. "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
8. "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
7. "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
6. "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
5. "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
4. "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
3. "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
2. "We brake for cubes!"
1. "Wesley On Board!"
10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
9. "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
8. "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
7. "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
6. "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
5. "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
4. "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"
3. "Have you hugged a Ferengi today?"
2. "We brake for cubes!"
1. "Wesley On Board!"
Active Ink Slinger
Chicken and the Egg
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken lit a cigarette and takes a huge drag.
The egg, disgustedly looks at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blankets over himself saying,
"I guess we answered that question!"
Old Prospector
An old prospector shuffled into town leading his trusty mule, headed straight for the only saloon in town,
needin` badly to wet his parched throat. Walking up to the hitch`n rail, he flipped the lead shank over it.
As he stood brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger stepped out from the saloon with a pistol in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger spied the old man and snickered, saying, "Hey old fella, have you ever danced?"
The prospector looked back at the gunslinger and said, "Nope, can't says I have."
A crowd gathered quickly, the gunslinger smirked and blurted out, "well, you old fool, you're gonna' learn now,"
and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet,
everybody started laughing as if fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger still laughing,
holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man stepped to his mule, pulling a double barreled shotgun from his pack and cocked both hammers back.
The audible click, click, carried clearly through the desert air.
The quiet was almost deafening, as the crowd immediately stopped laughing.
Hearing the sounds, stopped the young gunslinger in his tracks, slowly he turned around.
The crowd watched on bated breath, as the young gunman stared down the gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he spoke.
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass," asked the old prospector with a devilish grin?
The young gunslinger swallowed hard and slowly replied, "No sir, but I've always wanted to."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken lit a cigarette and takes a huge drag.
The egg, disgustedly looks at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blankets over himself saying,
"I guess we answered that question!"
Old Prospector
An old prospector shuffled into town leading his trusty mule, headed straight for the only saloon in town,
needin` badly to wet his parched throat. Walking up to the hitch`n rail, he flipped the lead shank over it.
As he stood brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes,
a young gunslinger stepped out from the saloon with a pistol in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger spied the old man and snickered, saying, "Hey old fella, have you ever danced?"
The prospector looked back at the gunslinger and said, "Nope, can't says I have."
A crowd gathered quickly, the gunslinger smirked and blurted out, "well, you old fool, you're gonna' learn now,"
and started shooting at the old man's feet.
The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet,
everybody started laughing as if fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger still laughing,
holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man stepped to his mule, pulling a double barreled shotgun from his pack and cocked both hammers back.
The audible click, click, carried clearly through the desert air.
The quiet was almost deafening, as the crowd immediately stopped laughing.
Hearing the sounds, stopped the young gunslinger in his tracks, slowly he turned around.
The crowd watched on bated breath, as the young gunman stared down the gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he spoke.
"Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass," asked the old prospector with a devilish grin?
The young gunslinger swallowed hard and slowly replied, "No sir, but I've always wanted to."
Active Ink Slinger
Another Cowboy joke...
Didja hear about the cowboy who wanted a pet, but didn't want to deal with a dog or cat while he was out on the trail drives.
He went to a pet store and checked out all the pets available and decided to buy a talking centipede.
The centipede came with his own box that was his house.
He took the centipede back to the bunk house with him, and would talk to him every evening when he got back from his duties.
On Sunday morning, the cowboy approached the centipede's box and said to the centipede through the doorway on the box,
"Hey, Cent, how 'bout getting up and going to church with me?"
He heard no answer from within the box, so he spoke a little louder and said,
"Hey, Cent, what do you think about getting up and going to church with me?"
Still no answer from the box, so the cowboy shouts,
"Hey, Cent, how 'bout gettin' your ass up and going to worship with me this fine Sunday morning?"
Finally from within the box the centipede shouts back,
"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME. I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON!" ..........
Didja hear about the cowboy who wanted a pet, but didn't want to deal with a dog or cat while he was out on the trail drives.
He went to a pet store and checked out all the pets available and decided to buy a talking centipede.
The centipede came with his own box that was his house.
He took the centipede back to the bunk house with him, and would talk to him every evening when he got back from his duties.
On Sunday morning, the cowboy approached the centipede's box and said to the centipede through the doorway on the box,
"Hey, Cent, how 'bout getting up and going to church with me?"
He heard no answer from within the box, so he spoke a little louder and said,
"Hey, Cent, what do you think about getting up and going to church with me?"
Still no answer from the box, so the cowboy shouts,
"Hey, Cent, how 'bout gettin' your ass up and going to worship with me this fine Sunday morning?"
Finally from within the box the centipede shouts back,
"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME. I'M PUTTING MY SHOES ON!" ..........
:)