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Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
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Talking dogs...
A guy is driving around Kentucky, and he sees a sign in front of a house:
Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. Then I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired"
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
A guy is driving around Kentucky, and he sees a sign in front of a house:
Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. Then I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired"
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
Crazy old ape
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A minister and a friend are out golfing.
On one hole, the friend's ball lands just shy of the green.
"God damn it, I missed," he curses angrily.
"My friend, be gentle with your language. The Lord would not approve," chides the minister.
On the very next hole, the friend blows his putt.
"God damn it, I missed," he curses again.
"Take not the Lord's name in vane, my friend," the minister says, more sternly this time.
They go on to the next hole and, again, the friend's ball lands in a sand trap just off the green.
"God damn it to Hell, I missed again," the man roars.
"Look, if you continue to blaspheme the Lord, He will surely strike you dead with lightning," the minister lectures.
Low and behold, on the very next hole, the friend's drive falls just short of a hole in one, letting the minister win the day.
"God damn it to Hell," he shrieks, throwing his club down range.
Suddenly, the sky turns dark. There's a bright flash of light and a crack of thunder. The minister is instantly vaporised, leaving his cursing friend standing in shock.
"God damn it to Hell, I missed," says a thunderous voice from the heavens.
On one hole, the friend's ball lands just shy of the green.
"God damn it, I missed," he curses angrily.
"My friend, be gentle with your language. The Lord would not approve," chides the minister.
On the very next hole, the friend blows his putt.
"God damn it, I missed," he curses again.
"Take not the Lord's name in vane, my friend," the minister says, more sternly this time.
They go on to the next hole and, again, the friend's ball lands in a sand trap just off the green.
"God damn it to Hell, I missed again," the man roars.
"Look, if you continue to blaspheme the Lord, He will surely strike you dead with lightning," the minister lectures.
Low and behold, on the very next hole, the friend's drive falls just short of a hole in one, letting the minister win the day.
"God damn it to Hell," he shrieks, throwing his club down range.
Suddenly, the sky turns dark. There's a bright flash of light and a crack of thunder. The minister is instantly vaporised, leaving his cursing friend standing in shock.
"God damn it to Hell, I missed," says a thunderous voice from the heavens.
A mighty warrior meets an unusual challenger. The Last Challenge of Jadek Prynn.
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Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
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Frozen Crabs and The Blonde Flight Attendant
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took
the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her
that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen,
mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer and threatened
what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to
the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans,
please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up... So she took them home and ate them.
There are two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are
2. Blondes aren't dumb
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs
and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took
the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her
that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen,
mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer and threatened
what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to
the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans,
please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up... So she took them home and ate them.
There are two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are
2. Blondes aren't dumb
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There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two bricks short of a load, or his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
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Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”
The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.”
The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in their parkas, mittens and hats. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel that?”
Again, the guys reply, “Well, like we told you yesterday, we’re from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy to warm up a little bit, you know.”
The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves.”
The two Michiganders reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Michigan, we’ve just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice.”
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally, he comes up with an answer. These two love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. He decides to turn all the heat in hell off.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2 Michiganders. He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering. The devil was dumbfounded. “I don’t understand. When I turn the heat up, you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold, and you’re happy. What is wrong with you two?”
The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise. “Well, don’t ya know - if hell froze over, that must mean. The Lions won the Super Bowl!”
Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
Crazy old ape
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Quote by fuzzy1954
Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”
The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy for a chance to warm up a bit, you know.”
The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, he stops by again and there they are, still dressed in their parkas, mittens and hats. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel that?”
Again, the guys reply, “Well, like we told you yesterday, we’re from Michigan, the land of ice and snow and cold. We’re just happy to warm up a little bit, you know.”
The devil gets a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. “Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you seem to be enjoying yourselves.”
The two Michiganders reply, “Well, ya know, we don’t get too much warm weather up there in Michigan, we’ve just got to have a cookout when the weather is this nice.”
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally, he comes up with an answer. These two love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. He decides to turn all the heat in hell off.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, the people are shivering so bad, they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the 2 Michiganders. He finds them back in their parkas, mittens and hats. They are jumping up and down and cheering. The devil was dumbfounded. “I don’t understand. When I turn the heat up, you’re happy. Now it’s freezing cold, and you’re happy. What is wrong with you two?”
The Michiganders look at the devil in surprise. “Well, don’t ya know - if hell froze over, that must mean. The Lions won the Super Bowl!”
The Ontario version ends with the Leafs winning the Stanley Cup, but otherwise you'd just need to do a find and replace on the location.YfIZK4JCY3bIS9S4
A mighty warrior meets an unusual challenger. The Last Challenge of Jadek Prynn.
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In a small town - somewhere in the country side - there was a family with two boys, age 8 and 10. And whenever there was mischief, it's most likely these two boys were at the center of it. The parents were at a loss what to do about it. They tried everything!
One day a new pastor came to town. He was a rather young man who travelled the world and was supposed to be great with straightening out kids. It wasn't a church the parents went to, but they were desperate so they gave him a call anyway and begged him to help them with their two boys.
"Okay" he said: "But I won't see them at the same time. First send me the youngest one. I'll see him tomorrow at 10:00 am." So the parent agreed and sent the youngest one over first.
The younger boy went to the pastor, wondering what would happen this time. He was sent into an empty room with only one chair. So he sat down and waited. When finally the pastor came in, he walked over to the boy and stared at him for quite some time. Then he asked with a rather loud voice: "Where is God?"
The boy just sat there and didn't even blink. So the pastor asked again, while staring at the boy: "Where is God?" Again the boy didn't respond at all.
So the pastor came really close to the boy and asked up close for the third time: "Where is God?"
Just then the boy jumped up and ran out of the room before the pastor could say anything else. The boy ran down the block straight home. He ran straight up the stairs and fled to his room. The older boy saw his younger brother almost flying into his room and wondered what was going on. So he went up there and found his brother hiding under his bed.
He kneeled down to ask him what was going on.
"We're really in troubled this time, brother!" he answered: "God is gone and they think we did it ..."
One day a new pastor came to town. He was a rather young man who travelled the world and was supposed to be great with straightening out kids. It wasn't a church the parents went to, but they were desperate so they gave him a call anyway and begged him to help them with their two boys.
"Okay" he said: "But I won't see them at the same time. First send me the youngest one. I'll see him tomorrow at 10:00 am." So the parent agreed and sent the youngest one over first.
The younger boy went to the pastor, wondering what would happen this time. He was sent into an empty room with only one chair. So he sat down and waited. When finally the pastor came in, he walked over to the boy and stared at him for quite some time. Then he asked with a rather loud voice: "Where is God?"
The boy just sat there and didn't even blink. So the pastor asked again, while staring at the boy: "Where is God?" Again the boy didn't respond at all.
So the pastor came really close to the boy and asked up close for the third time: "Where is God?"
Just then the boy jumped up and ran out of the room before the pastor could say anything else. The boy ran down the block straight home. He ran straight up the stairs and fled to his room. The older boy saw his younger brother almost flying into his room and wondered what was going on. So he went up there and found his brother hiding under his bed.
He kneeled down to ask him what was going on.
"We're really in troubled this time, brother!" he answered: "God is gone and they think we did it ..."
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Ghost Photography
An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.
When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.
"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.
Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.
Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.
He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......
"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."
An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.
When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains.
"I mean no harm; I just want your photograph," the journalist said bravely.
Pleased at this chance to make headlines, the ghost posed for a number of shots, and the happy journalist rushed back to his darkroom and began developing the photos.
Unfortunately, they turned out to be so underexposed that nothing could be seen in them.
He was distraught, and went to a local pub to drown his sorrows. Meeting his friends there, they asked what was wrong. Not wanting to tell the whole story, he simply explained with a single sentence: ......
"The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak."
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Me: I'm having a great day, apart from Newpussycat.
Friend: What's Newpussycat?
Me: Whoaah Whoaah Whooaaah!
Friend: What's Newpussycat?
Me: Whoaah Whoaah Whooaaah!
Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:
Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^=
Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^=
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A man checked into a motel. There was a computer in the room, so he decided to send his wife an email. He accidentally typed the wrong address and without realizing it, sent it to a widow who has just returned from her husband’s funeral.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
Her son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He read her message on the screen:
To my loving wife:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here and we are allowed to send emails. I’ve just been checked in. How are you and the kids? This place is really nice but I am lonely here. I have made the necessary arrangements for your arrival tomorrow. Expecting you darling. I can’t wait to see you.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
Her son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He read her message on the screen:
To my loving wife:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here and we are allowed to send emails. I’ve just been checked in. How are you and the kids? This place is really nice but I am lonely here. I have made the necessary arrangements for your arrival tomorrow. Expecting you darling. I can’t wait to see you.
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A police officer is sitting at a stop light as a car passes by containing a man driving the car and a penguin in the front passenger side of the car. The officer turns on his lights & siren and promptly pulls the man over.
"Mister, what are you doing with this penguin?" asks the officer.
"I was just taking him for a little ride, sir," responds the man.
"Well, this is just not acceptable. I want you to take this penguin to the zoo right this instant!" scolds the officer.
"Well, ok, if you insist," responds the man sadly, and drives off.
The next day, the same officer is sitting at the same stop light. Once again he spots the same man driving down the street with the penguin perched neatly in the front seat. He wastes no time in turning on his lights & siren, and chasing the man down.
He is quite angry as he approaches the car, and says to the man "I thought I made myself very clear yesterday that you were supposed to take this penguin TO THE ZOO!"
"Oh, officer, I did exactly as you told me to, and you know what?" said the man with a smile on his face "He liked it so much, we are going again today!"
"Mister, what are you doing with this penguin?" asks the officer.
"I was just taking him for a little ride, sir," responds the man.
"Well, this is just not acceptable. I want you to take this penguin to the zoo right this instant!" scolds the officer.
"Well, ok, if you insist," responds the man sadly, and drives off.
The next day, the same officer is sitting at the same stop light. Once again he spots the same man driving down the street with the penguin perched neatly in the front seat. He wastes no time in turning on his lights & siren, and chasing the man down.
He is quite angry as he approaches the car, and says to the man "I thought I made myself very clear yesterday that you were supposed to take this penguin TO THE ZOO!"
"Oh, officer, I did exactly as you told me to, and you know what?" said the man with a smile on his face "He liked it so much, we are going again today!"
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Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
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Why do elephants have flat feet?
Because they jump out of trees in the jungle between 2:00 and 3:00pm...
Why are alligators flat?
Because they walk through the jungle between 2:00 and 3:00pm...
Because they jump out of trees in the jungle between 2:00 and 3:00pm...
Why are alligators flat?
Because they walk through the jungle between 2:00 and 3:00pm...
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A proper burial.....
A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.
Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch. The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.
Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."
A young preacher was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.
Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch. The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.
Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."
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Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
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A man has to give a lecture about sex to a local women's club, but he didn't want his wife to know so he told her he was lecturing on flying.
Two days later, one of the women ran into the wife on the street and told her what a wonderful lecture her husband gave.
The wife said, "Well, frankly I'm surprised. He's only done it twice. The first time he got airsick and the second time he lost his hat."
Two days later, one of the women ran into the wife on the street and told her what a wonderful lecture her husband gave.
The wife said, "Well, frankly I'm surprised. He's only done it twice. The first time he got airsick and the second time he lost his hat."
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Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
Chasing Dragons
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Quote by fuzzy1954
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"
Carl, please! Don't you know? We are not allowed condom jokes on SS!
If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx
However, since this story is now available in paperback, only the first few chapters remain. Buy at:
https://www.vbay.info/thenurses
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
Chasing Dragons
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A man in a bar overhears the landlord bragging about his vicious dog.
"My Rottweiller will fight anyone's dog and tear it apart!" he boasted.
"Not mine," said the man, quietly.
The landlord immediately turned on him.
"Oh yeah?" he sneered. "And what kind of dog would yours be?"
"A long nosed, long tailed, short legged Terrier," the man replied.
So, a bet of £1000 was agreed and the following night, the two unfortunate creatures were put in a dark room and left to fight to the death.
When all went silent, the Landlord went to retrieve hs dog but he returned with the Rottweiller's bloody carcass and laid it gently on the floor in front of the bar.
"I don't believe it," he said sadly and began to count out the £1000. "What did you say your dog was?"
"A long nosed, long tailed, short legged Terrier," the man replied, taking the wad of cash from the Landlord.
"I've never heard of those," said he.
"No, well," the man replied. "Some people call them Crocodiles!"
"My Rottweiller will fight anyone's dog and tear it apart!" he boasted.
"Not mine," said the man, quietly.
The landlord immediately turned on him.
"Oh yeah?" he sneered. "And what kind of dog would yours be?"
"A long nosed, long tailed, short legged Terrier," the man replied.
So, a bet of £1000 was agreed and the following night, the two unfortunate creatures were put in a dark room and left to fight to the death.
When all went silent, the Landlord went to retrieve hs dog but he returned with the Rottweiller's bloody carcass and laid it gently on the floor in front of the bar.
"I don't believe it," he said sadly and began to count out the £1000. "What did you say your dog was?"
"A long nosed, long tailed, short legged Terrier," the man replied, taking the wad of cash from the Landlord.
"I've never heard of those," said he.
"No, well," the man replied. "Some people call them Crocodiles!"
If anyone wishes to find the beginning of this epic saga, here it is:
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/drama/the-nurses.aspx
However, since this story is now available in paperback, only the first few chapters remain. Buy at:
https://www.vbay.info/thenurses
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
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A duck goes into the pharmacy and waddles up to the counter.
DUCK: "Have you got anything for a sore beak?"
SHOP ASSISTANT: "Try this ointment. That'll be 2.99 please."
DUCK: "Would you put that on my bill ."
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awoke to this on Sunday
Please read my latest poem to honour all who have served
Bitch Called Nam
https://www.storiesspace.com/stories/poetry/bitch-called-nam
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Transcript of a radio conversation between a US Naval ship and the Canadians, off the coast of Newfoundland, Oct 95. Radio released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
CANADIANS - Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
AMERICANS - Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS - Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
AMERICANS - This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS - Negative. I say again. You will HAVE to divert your course.
AMERICANS - THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, SAY AGAIN, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS - We are a lighthouse. Your call.
CANADIANS - Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
AMERICANS - Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
CANADIANS - Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
AMERICANS - This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
CANADIANS - Negative. I say again. You will HAVE to divert your course.
AMERICANS - THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET, WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, SAY AGAIN, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
CANADIANS - We are a lighthouse. Your call.