Writing Help.

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 16 May 2016

Hello everyone,
I was wondering if I could get some help, I am really stuck on one part of my story "Sweetest Dreams" and I was wondering if anyone could possible help me at all. I am trying to write a prophecy and can't seem to make it sound right so far this is what I have:
The last Lascher princess, will be the first bonded queen,
Great changes will occur under her rule.
She will be marked by an ancient goddess,
Doves and flowers will cover her lower back.

To me it doesn't sound right and I am hoping that someone is to help me in back it better as it a critical part of my story and I can't continue without it. In the story they don't find the prophecy until part of it is already taken place. Please if anyone can help please let me know. I greatly appreciate any help given.

Sherzahd

Administration

0 likes 17 May 2016

Hi. Feel free to send me a message, I will try to help where I can.

“Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.”

Sherzahd

Administration

0 likes 19 May 2016

I’m going to post this here instead of sending it in a private mail, just in case it can help any other writers who are writing fantasy. I will send you ideas for the actual prophecy in a private message.

Firstly, prophecies are fun to write and add a bit of mystery, but I would suggest they be avoided unless they are absolutely essential to your story. I’ve also written stories with prophecies (yes, it feels great to write them), but there are also downfalls to adding them to a story.

Prophecies make your stories predictable and being predictable is boring. Not only is it boring, life can’t ever be predicted – my humblest apologies Nostradamus – so they are hardly ever reliable. I know, you’re thinking, But it’s fantasy…, and yes, it is, however no matter what genre you’re writing, a good writer wants to convince their readers that everything they’re reading is true. Yes, you want to be that kind of writer who makes their readers question their own sanity.

And if the story is about a prophecy that actually comes true at the end, it does limit the way you end the story. So basically, your reader already knows how the story starts and ends. But alas, do not fret, that only means you have to deliver a brilliantly written body that leads up to the ‘written in stone’ ending.

That said, if you really need to have a prophecy, there are ways of writing it that can actually make your story stronger.

Personally, I prefer twisted prophecies where either it comes true, but not in the way everyone – including your protagonist – expected. So when writing it, don’t make it sound like an instruction manual, be cryptic. That way you leave enough room to twist your plot around what everyone is expecting to happen. An even better twist would be if the prophecy has either been replaced or changed over time, so that even if your protagonist did fulfil it, everything will come crashing down since they’ve played into the antagonists hands. Something that might be even more interesting would be if the protagonist finds out toward the end of the story that he/she was never the instrument, but that their actions would only lead to the actual instrument being revealed. Interesting and fun, but a lot of hard work. Worth it though…

Something else, leave the prophecy writing until the story is complete. Trust me on this, you will find it easier to write the prophecy around the story you have, rather than writing the story around the prophecy.

Be realistic. Imagine finding out that there’s a prophecy that predicts you will be the saviour of worlds… how would you react? I know what I would do. Everyone knows that saviours have to become martyrs. Right? I would be questioning my own existence. Was I born specifically so I could save others? Noble as it sounds, it is something you need to adjust to. So please do not make your character embrace this new role without question or pause. It’s not realistic. And yet again, it is boring. Let him/her fight against it at first (even though everyone knows you cannot fight against destiny – it’s called a prophecy for a reason). Let him/her question everything and allow a bit of selfishness in, that is after all human nature. There has to be a trigger that makes him/her want to fulfil the prophecy, find that and there is hope your story will not be too predictable.

I won’t go into much detail about the writing of the prophecy, since that does depend on your personal writing style, but here are a few tips.

Like I said, sometimes it’s best to leave the prophecy for last, but that’s really up to you.

Do not make it too wordy. Do not make it sound like a tutorial – adding names and places and everything else that makes it too rigid. Be vague, merely implying bits and pieces here and there.

Write out whatever you want the protagonist to know, bearing in mind that the antagonist will also know what you know. Then go back in and add the mystery by taking out actual names and describing people and places with metaphors or riddles.

Another cool trick is to give a few things obscure meanings so they are left open to misinterpretation. That is one way of not having a predictable ending. So basically, both the reader and the characters might think the prophecy is about one thing, when really it’s about something that could be described in the same way.

Do not let the story begin with all the things in the prophecy already known and clearly understood. Leave some room for new things to come in and amaze your readers, as well as your characters.

No, there is no rule that your prophecy has to rhyme, but it does add a bit of drama. Me, I’m usually too lazy to rhyme anything, but if it’s cryptic enough, it’ll fly without rhyming.

This makes me want to start a story that has a prophecy in it now. I have too many other unfinished stories, but I am very tempted.

And if anyone has anything to add to this thread, please do. It’s always good to share what you know if it can help others improve their writing.

I hope this helps. Happy writing. happy8

“Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.”

Daisy

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 19 May 2016

That's a fantastic post, Sherzahd! sunny

#

incaendo

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 25 May 2016

Great post, Sherzahd.
To add a note, I've never dabbled much in fantasy in terms of long stories, which sounds like something you are planning to write. Prophecies, if used correctly, can be an aid to a strong fantasy story - but the problem lies when the prophecy drives the story.
Your prophecy isn't BAD, per say, but it's quite direct. I already know a) There will be a princess of the Lascher line and she will be the last in her line b) She will become the first "bonded queen" which admittedly is a phrase I do not know yet without the context of your story, but I can easily assume it is some sort of power c) Her rule will be historical in the sense that "great changes" will come; I already know she's going to be special d) Some sort of religious figure will have chosen her; she is a divine choice and d) She will have either a tattoo of doves and flowers on her back, or that will be a metaphor.

See how much I know? I can already almost predict the plot - either a girl who doesn't know she's a princess will find out she's actually the last princess of her line, she'll become a special queen, bring about lots of changes because a God-figure has chosen her. Or, a princess will end up being the last in her line, become a special queen, yadda yadda yadda.

You want an air of mystery around your story. The prophecy should be less direct, I feel, for it to be powerful. I shouldn't know what at least half of the terms mean, and I definitely shouldn't be able to guess any major plot points. Additionally, I think rhyming would help here. I think a prophecy that is a bit muddled and confuses the reader - not too much, mind you, but enough - is much more powerful.

Down to the nitty gritty - note these are all personal opinions based on my writing style and if you write differently/disagree that's totally great.

I think your prophecy should have more flowery language. Think about it. This is kind of the one time that it's really allowed in writing. Go for it! Something that sounds cool instead of "cover," for instance: "Doves will spiral across her ashen flesh." You can change that adjective to match your character, flesh may sound too violent, and it may sound that she is dead, but I feel that will be more intriguing to your reader.

I mean, CS Lewis is a master, but a prophecy I've never forgotten from a fantasy book is the famous:

"Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.
When Adam's flesh and Adam's bone,
Sits at Cair Paravel in throne,
The evil time will be over and done" (CS Lewis, Narnia)

The reason this is so memorable and powerful, to me, is because it's very vague. We don't know Aslan, we don't know what winter represents, Adam's flesh and Adam's bone could refer to any human, we don't know what Cair Paravel is nor why the throne is important. We do know there's a lion named Aslan and he's going to save everyone, but we know nothing of the who, when, why, or how.
Also, it rhymes. Kind of. It doesn't need to be a Walt Whitman level poem but it helps with the flow.

I'm sorry I couldn't help more, but i hope something I've said will be useful.

Daisy

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 25 May 2016

That's another fantastic post! sunny

nekala20

Advanced Wordsmith

0 likes 25 May 2016

I totally agree incaendo that was why I asked for help. I didn't think it was mysterious enough but every attempt I made sounded horrible and couldn't seem to get it to sound right no matter what I did. It is for a fantasy/ supernatural story. Thank you for your help it is greatly appreciated.

incaendo

Active Ink Slinger

0 likes 29 May 2016

You're welcome. I mean, the thing about things being mysterious is that we humans are a bit dumb. If you just use phrases we're not really aware of, or phrases that sound educated, we'll probably think the prophecy is quite imaginative. And if it rhymes - oof. For some reason, rhyming makes us think of godliness, holiness, imagination...
I mean, here's an idea - that you absolutely have no obligation to use.

"A princess from the ruling line
Shall mark herself with blood and wine
Her power flows from holy keep
The doves and flowers will weep and weep."

Change the language as needed to fit your story, but let me know if that's kind of what you're looking for. I may have more examples that could help you, if you'd like them.
Cheers,
Jase

Also: That is obviously not a final product, I just wanted to see if that was kind of the structure you were looking for.