So don't go be too damn smart,
or else you'll feel your buttocks part.
When flatulent pressure releases.
Your pants, takes out the creases.
Cuts through not making a hole.
Making sounds of thunder roll.
Smells, are that of rotten eggs.
At times, even warms your legs.
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A Tough Old Cowboy
A tough old cowboy told his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life,
the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103.
When he died, he left 14 children, 30 grand-children, 45 great-grandchildren,
25 great-great grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
A tough old cowboy told his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life,
the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103.
When he died, he left 14 children, 30 grand-children, 45 great-grandchildren,
25 great-great grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Active Ink Slinger
Cowboy Wisdom.
A cowboy gets pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speed,
and in general throws his weight around to try to make the cowboy uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper gets' round to writing out the ticket,
as he was scribblin` he kept swattin` at some flies that were buzzin` around his head.
The cowboy asked, "Having problems with them circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writin`, "Well yeah, if that's what they are called, ain't never heard of circle flies."
So the cowboy says, "Well, circle flies is common round farms and ranches.
They're called circle flies cause, they're mostly found circlin` around the back end of horses."
The trooper merely says, "Oh!!" and goes back to writin`.
After a couple of seconds he stops and says, "Hey... wait a minute, are you callin` me a horse's ass?"
The cowboy replies, "Oh no, Officer. I got too much respect for law enforcement to ever think bout callin` you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writin` again.
After a long pause.......... "Hard to be foolin` them flies though," says the cowboy!!!!
A cowboy gets pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.
The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speed,
and in general throws his weight around to try to make the cowboy uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper gets' round to writing out the ticket,
as he was scribblin` he kept swattin` at some flies that were buzzin` around his head.
The cowboy asked, "Having problems with them circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writin`, "Well yeah, if that's what they are called, ain't never heard of circle flies."
So the cowboy says, "Well, circle flies is common round farms and ranches.
They're called circle flies cause, they're mostly found circlin` around the back end of horses."
The trooper merely says, "Oh!!" and goes back to writin`.
After a couple of seconds he stops and says, "Hey... wait a minute, are you callin` me a horse's ass?"
The cowboy replies, "Oh no, Officer. I got too much respect for law enforcement to ever think bout callin` you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writin` again.
After a long pause.......... "Hard to be foolin` them flies though," says the cowboy!!!!
Active Ink Slinger
Confused Cowboy
A cowboy rides up to a Saloon, goes inside and orders a drink.
He's just about got the glass of whiskey to his lips,
when a guy comes running up to the door,
and yells "Hey Joe! Your house is burnin!"
The man leaps up, runs out and jumps on his horse just as he thinks
"Hey, I don't have a house."
He goes back in and sits down, and raises the glass to his lips again.
Just then a man comes running up to the door and yells, "Hey Joe! Your dad has died!"
So he leaps up, runs out, gets on his horse and starts to head down the street when he thinks,
"Wait a minute... my dad died years ago."
He goes back to the bar, and sure enough, he's just about to take a sip of his whiskey when another guys runs up.
"Joe! Congratulations! You've won the lottery! There's a pile of money waiting for you down at the post office!"
The cowboy gets up, leaps on the horse, and starts flying towards the post office.
He almost gets there when he thinks,
"Hey, wait a minute. My name ain't Joe..."
A cowboy rides up to a Saloon, goes inside and orders a drink.
He's just about got the glass of whiskey to his lips,
when a guy comes running up to the door,
and yells "Hey Joe! Your house is burnin!"
The man leaps up, runs out and jumps on his horse just as he thinks
"Hey, I don't have a house."
He goes back in and sits down, and raises the glass to his lips again.
Just then a man comes running up to the door and yells, "Hey Joe! Your dad has died!"
So he leaps up, runs out, gets on his horse and starts to head down the street when he thinks,
"Wait a minute... my dad died years ago."
He goes back to the bar, and sure enough, he's just about to take a sip of his whiskey when another guys runs up.
"Joe! Congratulations! You've won the lottery! There's a pile of money waiting for you down at the post office!"
The cowboy gets up, leaps on the horse, and starts flying towards the post office.
He almost gets there when he thinks,
"Hey, wait a minute. My name ain't Joe..."
