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I have no idea who wrote this but it always makes me chuckle!
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Leaving home this morning, I found a hedgehog in front of the gate, on my driveway. He looked like he was dead, but then his little chest rose up and his eyelids flickered. He is now snuggled on a soft towel, in a dark box. I phoned the vet (my mum) and asked what I should do. I suspect my dogs may have had a go at him but there are no visible marks or punctures. I have syringed a couple of drops of water into his mouth and hope for the best. He is very lethargic and hasn't even curled himself up in a ball. I don't think he will make it, but at least he will pass away in a quiet comfortable place, without dogs sniffing him or the crows pecking at him. It is a him, by the way. :-(
Go on, blow your own trumpet and tell the forum about just how nice you've been today.
Did you help an old lady across a busy road?
Did you get your neighbour's shopping for them?
Did you take someone to thier doctor/hospital/dental appoinment?
Or did you just say something nice to cheer-up someone who was feeling a little down?
Go on, tell us about it
Did you help an old lady across a busy road?
Did you get your neighbour's shopping for them?
Did you take someone to thier doctor/hospital/dental appoinment?
Or did you just say something nice to cheer-up someone who was feeling a little down?
Go on, tell us about it
and not have a job that makes us unhappy :P
