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My Side of the Story

The story of two crazy ex's in an odd situation

The second I saw that dirty skank I knew that couldn’t be her truck. She’d never made more than minimum wage and there wasn’t a financer in the world that was going to sell her something that big and definitely not that new. Maybe she could trick some new idiot into lending her a piece of shit old chevy, even I let her drive my ’08, but come on. A truck like that? Not a fuckin’ chance.

When I saw her, I had just left my buddy’s place and was headed for home. I was taking the UFO road home, yeah, know the one that’s just east of town and only got paved a few years back? I remember when that road used to actually be the fast way home. Now it’s almost worse than Resources road! Almost ain’t worth waiting at the extra light anymore, and you know you’re gonna have to wait.

But like I was saying, I was just passing that DQ, and going probably 80 in the right hand lane trying to get up and pass these vehicles before it turned into just the one lane again, and I see this beautiful black matte Raptor just decked out. Paint-matched headache rack, a light bar, custom bumper. Needless to say I was jealous of the man who got to drive that thing. So, when I’m going up pass it I glance over at the driver and see that stupid bitch.

Now, I’m going fast enough that I only get a glimpse and she for sure didn’t have time to turn her head and catch me looking, but I know that cannot be her vehicle. Usually I’m not the kind of guy that goes and stalks his ex-girlfriend either, trust me, but I couldn’t help myself, I had to know. What guy is stupid enough to lend her something he’s probably got fifty grand into! Besides, I halfway wanted to be there when she dented the door getting out or whatever moronic thing she was guaranteed to do. One time, she borrowed my truck to run to the store real quick. Apparently it was too quick, because she called me crying saying she’d accidentally backed up into one of those yellow poles they have up in some convenience store lots? You know, to stop people from driving into their stores? I guess, really, I should be glad it was there. Who knows how much my insurance would have gone up had she demolished a store?

Anyway, I made sure I got up to the light quick enough to make a right before she noticed my vehicle and u-turned in the Shell parking lot so I could just go back and make a right again and end up back behind her. It worked out perfectly. She even turned onto that UFO road so I didn’t have to go off my route. Making sure to stay a couple cars behind her so she wouldn’t catch sight of me in her rear-view, I followed her all the way to the other side of town and into Lakeland. By that time, all the traffic had pretty much disappeared and it was just her and I on the road so I was staying kind of crouched and had my toque pulled down trying to hide my face without looking too sketchy. Still, I was able to see the back of the truck pretty well and I’d noticed it didn’t have a license plate, which immediately made me think she’d stolen it, but I never thought to call the cops. I mean, maybe it was supposed to have been up in the window since it was new, and whatever had been used to stick it up there had lost grip and it had just fallen or something. I just wasn’t willing to call the police and be the idiot on the other end of the line calling himself in for stalking an ex-girlfriend whom he saw driving a nice truck. For sure I’d have the bad luck to end up with a real feminist at the call center who’d lecture me and call me a creep before she hung up.

It didn’t matter though, ‘cause not long after I followed her onto a street that dead ends and she must have been lost because she’d turned around and as soon as I turned that corner she saw me and I watched her face just turn white. I’m thinking, “come on now, our break-up wasn’t that bad,” and she just fuckin’ punches the gas peddle and rams into my truck! My airbag goes off and the whole rear driver’s side pretty well collapses in on itself, and the truck's moved up on the grass just from the impact alone. It shut itself off automatically thankfully, ‘cause I was just dazed from the whole ordeal. Mostly, I just sat there staring at the wheel and wondering what had just happened, but she took off like she owed me money. It was just insane. Before long I could hear sirens and knew someone had seen what happened out their window and called the cops.

It was the cops that told me the truck was stolen. Been taken out of a dealership lot in town earlier that day. Guess they’d been moving their lot around and some dumb car salesmen had forgot to take the keys with him when he got out. Brilliant. They asked if I had known the driver. I don’t know why, but I told them I’d never met her, just seen there wasn’t a plate and got suspicious. Told them I was about to call, but my Bluetooth didn’t work so I was waiting for her to park first, so I wasn’t distracted driving. They bought it, and didn’t even question. Dumb cops. 

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