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Faithless

The story of a negative, faithless young man.

“Listen Adam, before we start this conversation you need to tell me right now what happened to your arm.”

Pause

Stare

“...and the truth...”

Pause

“..all of it.”

Pause

Take sip of beer

Adam: “Fine. I...”

“Look, I won't get mad I promise. Just tell me...please?”

Slight pause

“I got dope again...and fell asleep at the wheel.”

Pause

Shocked, disappointed face on Ashley

“I was doing good for a while, you know...sober (at least from that) for a good 4 months...but I don't really know why I got the urge again.”

Pause

Silence...an invitation to continue:

“Anyway, I was driving on the highway and I woke up and I was on the side of the road doing at least 70...thankfully I didn't hit anything yet, but I panicked and jerked the wheel and my car tipped over...a lot.”

Tear falls down her cheek.

“It was actually...I don't know...lucky, that I wasn't slammed into by another car...or that I didn't break more than just my arm.”

Ashley wipes away tear. Composes herself:

“Lucky...”

“I'm sorry Ashley, really I am. I warned you...I'm a fucking dumbass...I don't know what else to say..."

Puts head down

Pause

“Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you push everyone who loves you away?”

Pause

“Why, Adam?”

“I don't know...because getting close to someone is so...useless.”

“That's bullshit..."

Pause

"...and melo-dramatic, Adam."

Waitress brings over another beer

Sip

Light up a cigarette

“Ugh...you're so frustrating sometimes. You know how much I hate your fucking pessimistic attitude all the time.”

Let out some smoke

“So then why do you even bother...like, I don't get it Ashley. You know my outlook on life...you know I have never let anything bad that has ever happened to my friends and family go....I can never just forget it, say 'that's life' like everybody else does and move the fuck on. I just can't fucking do that. I sit and I dwell. You know this... Why, why, why do you still act shocked?”

“Maybe it's because I want you to see how fucking special you are. How beautiful you are: inside and out. I fucking love you but you make this so hard.”

Pause

"Not one part of you belives god saved your father? Not one part of you thinks your grandparents moved on to something better? That they are happy now? Not one part of you wants to have hope? That there is someone watching out for us?"

Finish Beer, start another one

"No...I don't."

"You...dont..."

"No, Ashley, I don't."

"Well why the fuck not, Adam? Why not? Honestly, I want an explanation. I want to know when you became such a scared, hopeless little boy...who doesn't believe in anything but himself. What the fuck happend to you besides your dad and your grandparents? Were you like molested or something? I mean...it's okay if you were! It's okay if you were I'm not going to judge you...just start being honest. I want some fucking honesty Adam, because I've had it. Why are you so pessimistic, and sacri-religous, and just plain miserable."

Take a long drag of that fucking cigarette

Long pause

"Look...Ashley. I am thankful that my father's alive and of course I picture my grandparents being okay, but I don't believe there's some fucking guy sitting up there making sure everything works out to his 'plan.' For one, his plan blows, and scientifically, God just doesn't make sense. We all know this...we all know the world wasn't created in just seven days...it's illogical. We all know there are no flammable-at-will bushes that are actually entities waiting to talk to you and give you instructions: 20 pages of instructions on how to build a boat! That can somehow fit every creature known to man on board. It's astonishing and yet so many people want to believe it...so many adults wanting an imaginary friend. That's all god really is...a grown up imaginary friend. Someone to blame when things go bad. Someone to thank when things go well."

Pause

"...And it's time all of us realized that the imaginary friend's gone...he's been gone for a while now. Like you, 'he's' fed up...and I don't blame 'him.'"

Pause

Ashley, in a barely audible whisper:

"Some people just believe it to have faith, Adam... that's all. Faith in something...to believe in something so that everything doesn't always have to seem so...sad."

Pause

"It's not that I have no faith and hope and am just completely depressed all the time. I'm just reasonable...I just see all the shit and instead of ignoring it I dwell on it. I won't say that I have no faith...I just won't. I don't know why, even though deep down what you said is true: I am a scared little boy. But not faithless...no."

"Well...then you're in denial Adam. You are in some fucking serious denial and you really really need to wake up...please, wake up Adam."

"It's just...I don't know what it is. It seems to be just normal, known fact: that the bad outweighs the good in life...9 times out of 10. And that's the truth. And I just don't see the point...not with those odds...I just don't see the point of it all...you know?"

"No...I don't know."

Put out cigarette

"So...surviving that self-created car crash was nothing but pure luck to you...you probably were hoping you'd die during it...weren't you?"

Silence...at a loss for words...what else more can be said?

------ Two months after this conversation, Adam got clean, made up with Ashley, and moved somewhere off the east coast with her...somewhere nice and calm.

When everything seemed to be going well again, Adam was on his way to his nearby 7 Eleven when he collapsed into an un-seen manhole...he must have not seen the hole because it was covered in debri.

Adam was rescued by a 7 Eleven employee who just happened to get off work at that exact moment...he used a broom to pull Adam up.

The newspapers the next day would say that the man who pulled Adam up was the only person in that vicinity within a mile's distance...other than the other employees-------------

It's easy to be in a situation like that...so near death...and wonder how there could possibly be a god...how a person can possibly have faith when, on your way to a 7 Eleven, you fall into a goddamn manhole! The odds of it!

Still though...for some reason, while Adam was in the hole (before his rescuer showed, mind you), all he could do was replay the last part of the conversation he had had with Ashley over and over again in his head:

---At a last attempt to dig into him, Ashley said:

“...look at me, Adam.”

Looks up into those perfectly green eyes:

“What happened to you wasn't “luck,” no matter how many times you convince yourself otherwise. Trust me and just open your eyes. Just try to understand what I'm telling you here, because it's important. Concentrate, Adam please...just wake up! Don't you see it yet: it was a miracle.

Pause

"A fucking miracle."---

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