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Of Presidents and Butt Sharks

First Family

White House Security Agent Mike Marsden stood respectfully next to the First Lady. She sat in a white chair underneath the table umbrella.

“You must think him silly, Mike, for having an above-ground pool at the White House. He must appear quite common to you.”

“It’s not my place to comment on the President’s choices, Ma’am, but the President is not a common man by any measure.”

As the cabana door burst open, Mike’s hand went to his hip.

Three squealing grandchildren in red and lemon yellow bathing suits scrambled out to avoid the monster chasing them. Snarling he will eat their brains if he catches them, the President appeared in his swimsuit with outstretched zombie arms.

The children ran straight to the First Lady. A thin smile crossed Mike’s lips as Grandma put her fierce face on for effect.

“Don’t come any closer, Grandpa Zombie. These children are off-limits to you. Go eat the brains of Congress or the Press Corps!”

President Zombie woefully snarled, “I’ll starve to death! They don’t have brains!”

Mike saw the twinkle in the First Lady’s eyes.

“Careful. The internet will say you’re a cannibal, eating and grilling brains.”

The President’s arms dropped. An exaggerated eye-roll ensued.

“Ok, into the pool!”

“Zombies and children need sunscreen first. Here, let me do it.”

The intense heat of the Washington sun made Mike sweat while the First Lady buttered the children and her husband.

As Grandpa and his grandchildren climbed into the new pool, Mike reflected on the strong relationships among the First Family that he and his team protected.

Mike spoke softly into his wrist, “Get invisible. Let them enjoy themselves.”

The security detail blended into the background; the First Lady rose, grabbed an inflatable turtle, and threw it into the pool.

President Grandpa shouted Water Volcano! and hefted the older girl onto the turtle's back.

Rhythmically and repeatedly, he pushed the inflatable down and then let it pop up, singing out, "Where you gonna go when the volcano blows?”

An inflatable round turtle in the middle of a round pool with an excited screaming child flying upwards of three feet above the water is an eye-opening experience for White House security.

Mike’s face showed concern. The First Lady laughed.

“We call it Water Volcano. The President calls it sine wave reinforcement in a water medium.”

Mike nodded, “Can’t do this in the rectangular White House pool.”

After every child had a turn, the President threw the inflatable out and held the blade of his right hand up to his forehead. Like a shark’s fin. The children started screaming again.

“Duunnn dunnn… duuuunnnn duun… duuunnnnnnn”

Mike heard the President’s voice and looked quizzically at the First Lady.

“Jaws theme, Mike. President Butt Shark is in the water. Butts are about to be pinched!”

Mike smiled again.

“Remind your team, Mike. The private lives of public servants are private. No Butt-Shark-is-in-the-pool walkie-talkie smack, right?

Mike relayed the message and thought, "Best President Ever."


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