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Waltzing Matilda

A drunk mystery woman appears at the care home social.

Because I have MS, I have lived in various long-term care homes for the past few years. Since boredom is a challenge for some people in care homes, I often try to see the humour in every situation that I am in. This is a story I wrote about some of my experiences in a long term care home. I slightly exaggerate some situations because it makes me laugh. I hope these stories make other people laugh too.

I had been living at the care home for a few months when the recreation committee decided to have an end of summer indoor street dance. It’s not that we didn’t have regular recreational events, we regularly had a pub night. Local musicians e.g. vocalists, guitarists, keyboardists & accordionists, who once played the club circuit, now found purpose and meaning in playing the care home circuit, providing live music to people who can’t get out much anymore. For example,  the lead cellist from the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra who couldn’t play “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” because he hadn’t practised enough!! We also had a cowboy wearing a wide brimmed cowboy hat who sang “Bob Marley”. The other residents did not seem to appreciate the irony in having a reggae cowboy but, this little darling was amused especially every time a slightly western drawl made it sound like he was singing “steer it up” instead of “stir it up”.

An unknown woman, across the floor,  was dancing up a storm with a cross between a can-can and a Celtic jig. She was like a precision skater on some kind of street drug, but with less co-ordination.

At first, I thought she was probably sent by the floor manager or the entertainment committee to raise people’s energy and to make it look like they were all having a good time.

But then, the woman sat down on the edge of a table beside an elderly man in a wheelchair. She began running her fingers up her leg. The poor man looked confused. She sashayed over to me threw her arms around my neck and slurred I looove you. I was reminded of the girls’ washroom at high school dances, but those days were long gone… at least I thought they were.

I soon realized that this must not be a nurse or attendant. There were no other surprises that night but neither the other residents or the staff knew who the mystery woman was.

Nevertheless, this probably was the most entertaining event that we could have had.


This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

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