Panic starts to cripple my mind as the realization sinks into my consciousness. A merry song is softly playing somewhere from a piped in speaker, as if laughing at my expense. My feet carry me to a sacred place, looking for sanctuary. My eyes remain tightly shut as tears fall, both my hands clasped tightly together on bended knees in a corner. My heart and my soul are breaking, screaming thoughts in my head.

"Why?"

"Why?"

My mind begs for mercy but the room replies with cold still silence. A vision of her gentle and smiling face appears. She is healthy and vibrantly alive last Sunday, having a fun lunch date with her family and my parents. What will the future bring for her three very young sons? Our happy memories together, her beautiful dreams all come back in my head, along with the regrets of not telling her how much I love her, behind closed eyes.

"Why?"

"Why?"

Tears overflowing from my eyes on my face feel like my heart being ripped into pieces in so much pain. Choking cries come out from my lips, my body uncontrollably shaking. Sobbing like a lost child feeling alone and afraid.

I hate myself too much.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"My dearest best friend, my biggest fan, my twin soul, who will miss me as she has..."

Defeated, my mind gives way to exhaustion, my eyes drifting off to sleep with my last thoughts...

... How can I tell them, their youngest daughter is now gone...