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Running Away

Tags: life, dreams, self

A retired man's need to change his life.

Okay, this is a grouchy old bear venting. I felt that you should be forewarned.

Running away is always an option. Sadly, it takes a lot of courage and through planning. Running away is a basic level choice for all things living. The trouble with humans is that we take self-inflicted responsibilities way too seriously. This maybegin the running away psychosis.

Over the last 25 or so years, I have often dreamed of moving to the Pacific Northwest or to Middle America, someplace where no one knoes my name. A place where I can choose to be what I want to be. No responsibilities to keep others happy, no requirements to fit into the mold of other people’s perceptions, and no judgments of my activities outside of my own. I want to live where I can be who I want to be now without concern for other people’s preconceptions.

I would like to be able to visit an adult bookstore if I wish, or maybe join a nudist colony. I would like to explore my sexuality where I have only my own moral standards as opposed what is socially acceptable. I would like to not have a phone. I would like to be able to smoke or drink without the fear of someone seeing me. I would like to be able to join with another without concern about age. I would like the time and peace that will allow me to write.

It is extremely difficult to be both friend and counselor at the same time. I often have to tell people that I now wearing my counselor hat and that what is being said is strictly confidential. This is even more of an imperative when I am friend and counselor to both people in a relationship. I just do not want to do it anymore. I amtired. I feel unneeded and maybe even unwanted - tolerated. There are a few that do not make me feel this way. These few I would like to live near enough to visit every day. Alas, they live far, too far, away.

My soul wishes to be free and unbound. I want, no, I need to be what I dream. My libido is beginning to sense that there is another place where it can be set free. It is my logic and my commitments that are the stones tying down my wings. I can only thank a universe that allows for mental retreats – fantasies that I may secretly enjoy .
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