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Sundown

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So, I heard the news. It's not the best one to know but maybe the hardest to digest. I knew this would happen, just not this soon. Not now.

I have built an invisible wall between us. I made it thick and strong. I ensured nothing will ever break it, not even the most painful memory of yesterday. But it proved me otherwise today.

I was wrong. In many countless ways, I am undeniably wrong for that wall suddenly crumbled down upon the announcement of you walking down to your forever. The excruciating and seldom debilitating pain in my joint which always reminds me of you is nothing compared to the pain which is crushing me now.

I was torn when you left. I didn't expect you could still tear me into smaller bits. I thought I had moved on but it doesn't seem like I did at all.

I am still stuck where you left me. To the place where I told myself I will hold your hand which waited for me to hold on to. The same place where I saw someone take your other hand into hers. They fit so well that your hands seemed like they were molded to hold each other. And then you left.

I felt betrayed. I only kept it to myself.

Years have passed yet I am still hurting, it even weakens me. How can I be strong now when my strength was you? I will never forget you. How can I move on when almost everything that I see, hear, smell, feel, and even taste reminds me of you? You must be a curse no spell can dispel.

A fool, that's me. For letting you go. For not fighting for my love even though it was late for me to realize it. Now, that's cheesy! Now, it's too late. And painful.

I still love you but I should let you go, completely. I want to feel alive again, without you. I don't know if I'll ever love this way again. I simply want to know, how to unlove you.

It's good I don't remember you on sunsets or I'll never want to see another again. But I might not step on any mountain or run marys anymore.

The old gothic church's golden bells are now ringing announcing the wedding ceremony is done and you're married to someone who is not me. Breathing deeply to a sigh, I sip my wine and watch the sun set as my tears fall down.

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