lying awake

light flooding from under the crack in the door

voices starting at a whisper, slowly growing louder

till they escalate so much I can hear them in my fevered dreams

midnight already, but the storm hasn’t even begun

woken up by another fight that I have not partaken in

“open the door isabelle”

“please, for the love of god, open the door”

“open it or I’ll kick it in”

I tried to block them out once,

bought earplugs and stuffed them in my ears

but I could still hear their voices.

tried to stop them from screaming once,

got up every night, washed my hands, used the bathroom,

it just made the screams start later.

its starting again,

you’d think they’d grow older and mature,

that you wouldn’t have to be the one to defuse the situation,

to suffer its repercussions,

that maybe by the time she’s twenty you can sleep through the night.

how foolish I was, so naïve,

and I thought that I could survive it.

but this is world war 2 every night,

I lose my mind each night,

can’t sleep any night,

wake up at night,

listen all night,

beg, no night,

its night,

g’night,

night.

open the fucking door, isabelle,

just this once, open that fucking door,

let me sleep so in the morning I don’t need an espresso

open the goddamn door, you bitch,

you selfish bitch,

you never even think about anyone else,

just open that door,

so that you can bridge the gap you created,

please open that door,

so that I don’t need ambien to sleep at night,

open the fucking door, bitch,

because otherwise I see myself killing you in my dreams,

shut up, and open that door,

and let me sleep.

twenty years old with the complex of a two-year-old,

just open that door,

let them in,

I don’t care,

just let me sleep,

or talk over text,

take your hateful words to the pen,

turn off the light

make yourself shut up,

I don’t care,

just open that door.

swallow your god complex,

and open that fucking door.