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Writerly Humor

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Sherlock Holmes confronts the room of suspects. With Watson by his side scribbling notes into his ledger, Holmes paces back and forth in front of the three possible murderers, the elderly aunt, the butler and the mistress. The consulting detective waves the police investigator forward.

"Inspector, I have used reason and wit to discern the culprit, the foul slayer of the lord of this manor. The aunt has obvious motive, she would inherit everything, but she is to old and frail to have wielded the club in the manner necessary to kill the victim. The mistress discovered his other dalliance with the dancer at the club, but she is left-handed and the manor's lord had defensive wounds and the majority of the severe blows were on the left side of the victim which logically leads us to the conclusion that the murderer must be right-handed and attacking from the front. The butler has no motive until you notice the facial similarities and scar on his left hand. The victim had six fingers which is a rare genetic abnormality that is pasted from father to son. The butler is his illegitimate son and DNA evidence would prove it thus allowing him the inherit the estate. He is the guilty one."

The butler begins to run, but a nearby police officer knocks him to the ground and cuffs him.

Watson speaks up, "But sir, it can't be the butler."

"He must be. It's elementary my dear Watson." replied Holmes

"It can't be!" Watson stridently said. "I still have at least three chapters to go!"
You can't get there from here, because when you get there you're still here and here is now there.
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Something I've always wondered, and evidently, so has Joss Whedon:

Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Willow: Yes. First there's the painful nowning process.

Works on so many levels, but works especially well if you write.
Ghosts, flamingos, guitars and vodka. Eclectic subjects, eccentric stories:

Humorous guide & Recommended Read =^.^= How To Make a Cup of Tea
A flash fiction series :) A Random Moment in Time
Editors' Pick! :D I Am The Deep, Dark Woods
And another EP!: The Fragility of Age
=^.^=
Rest in Peace
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I have a feeling that some of my friends here may appreciate this one...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

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Good thing he didn't say "Poet"...she would have walked right out...just sayin'

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

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I think parents need to know the signs...and have a long talk with their kids before it's too late...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Some solid advice for my friends here...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Administration
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This explains why I always need a vacation to recover from my vacation...

“Many people hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.”

Rest in Peace
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She sounds like a menace to society, if you ask me...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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When books sit around the campfire and tell horror stories...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Just in case anyone here was wondering what different styles of writing actually look like...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

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I just hope this isn't the case with any of my friend's writers' groups...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

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Early grammar police had a tough time in the days before word processors...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

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There just might be a bit of truth here...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Some good advice right here...



eBooks can't use this line apparently...



And one more...apparently witches can't ride vacuum cleaners btw...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Don't really need this myself...heck, I can teach this course...just sayin'

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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I'm not so sure I'd feel safe in this family...just sayin'

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Yeah...I'd like to see this one get rejected...just sayin'



Some more lesser known editing symbols my writer friends may want to familiarize themselves with...



Hmmm...if I could get people to pay to watch me write, it might be more lucrative than actual writing...



Yeah, this could indeed be a problem my friends...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Just saw this...reminds me of some writers I know btw...



Funny, I sort of remember those ancient times...



And for my writer friends...



So, how many of these have my writing friends here collected?



Some more lesser known editing symbols my writer friends may want to familiarize themselves with...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Funny...but, not particularly encouraging...



Hmmm...perhaps the professor should have been a bit more clear here...



Something tells me her first day on the job is not going well...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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This looks like one of my stories before I hit the "Spell-check" button...just sayin'



Yeah, this is why I don't self publish...all my imaginary friends would be looking for book deals, and next thing you know, it'll get way out of hand...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Oh yeah...this is why aliens don't stop and visit our planet...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Lurker
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You could probably say that about sites like this as well...



A bit late now perhaps...



Well...maybe not everyone perhaps...



Oh yeah...this should work out just fine...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...

Rest in Peace
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Not sure if this approach will work for any of my friends here...



Yeah...something just might be missing...



The differences finally clearly explained...



That's how they did it in the old days...

I once knew a drinker who had a moderating problem...