Latest Forum Posts:


HomeGeneral StoriesSelwyn's Fine Signs
Selwyn's Fine Signs

Selwyn's Fine Signs

Selwyn tries to make a For Sale sign that's at least as fine as his house.

Selwyn decided it was time to sell his house. He had lived in it for many years and had grown tired of it. Besides, it was looking rather worn. There was hardly a spot on the façade of the little house where the paint was not peeling.

So Selwyn went to his garage to make a “For Sale” sign. He crafted a perfectly square sign with a sturdy post. He painted the sign a warm yellow, and in strong, blue letters he wrote, “For Sale.” It was a fine sign.

He pounded the sign into his front lawn, sat down on his front steps and waited.

Within a week a man stopped to look at the sign. Selwyn bounded off his steps and approached the man. Shaking the man’s hand, he said, “I see you’re interested in buying my lovely house.”

“Uh, actually, what I’d really like to buy is this lovely sign,” said the man.

“You’d like to buy the sign ?” asked Selwyn.

“Well, yes. My wife and I are trying to sell our cottage and this sign would be just right,” said the man. “I’ll give you fifty dollars for it.”

I suppose I could always make another sign, thought Selwyn. He gave the man the sign and took the fifty dollars.

Autumn came. The gutter in front of the house became so filled with leaves it fell off the house. Selwyn took a look at his tired house and became more determined than ever to sell it. He went back to his garage to make another “For Sale” sign.

“Only this time I’ll have to concentrate on making a shabbier sign,” he said to himself.

However, once Selwyn got started, he just couldn’t help himself. He fashioned a sign shaped like a little green house, with the words “For Sale” painted in bright red. It came complete with a front door, a roof and a chimney that actually spouted smoke! It was a fine sign.

Selwyn carefully inserted the sign into his front lawn, sat down on his front steps and waited.

Within a couple of days, a woman with a briefcase stopped to look at the sign and nodded approvingly. Selwyn got up from his front steps, and with not quite the same spring to his step as before, he walked over to the woman.

“I don’t suppose you’re interested in buying my house?” asked Selwyn.

“It’s your sign I’m interested in buying,” responded the woman. “I’m a real estate agent, and I’m helping a family sell their home. This sign would be just perfect. I’ll give you two hundred dollars for it.”

And so the sign was sold.

Winter came. A particularly bad storm left shingles from the roof scattered all over the front lawn. And one of the shutters on the second floor was threatening to fall. Selwyn considered the ragged state of his house and headed for the garage.

This time he set out to make the granddaddy of all “For Sale” signs. It was made to resemble a stately mansion. Ornate columns framed a carved oak door. Lace drapes billowed in the windows, and only a slate roof would do for such a residence. On the front gable the words “For Sale” were printed in fancy black letters. It was a very fine sign.

The sign was so large it had four posts. Once Selwyn had installed it on his front lawn, it all but blocked his real house from view.

Selwyn sat on his front steps and waited. That same day a limousine stopped at his house. It was driven by a man in a uniform. A well-dressed man with a moustache and hat got out of the back seat, walked up to the sign and tapped it lightly with the tip of his walking stick.

Selwyn jumped up from his perch on the steps and approached the man.

“I see you like my sign,” he said.

“I do, indeed,” said the man through his moustache. “We’re selling one of our mansions, and this is positively the finest sign I’ve ever seen. I’ll give you one thousand dollars for it.”

Selwyn pocketed the thousand dollars and helped the man’s driver tie the sign to the top of the limousine. As he was sitting back down on his front steps, the loose shutter on the second floor decided it was time to fall. It landed in the bushes not two feet away from Selwyn, who just shook his head.

Just then, Edna, from the across the street, came over for a visit. She had a cane in one hand and a plate of oatmeal cookies in the other.

Handing him the cookies, she said, “Selwyn, you make a mighty fine sign.”

“Thanks, Edna, but they sure haven’t helped me sell this house,” said Selwyn.

“Selwyn, if you put half as much energy into your house as you put in your signs, you’d sell your house in a week,” Edna said.

Selwyn thought about this as he munched on a cookie and said, “You know, Edna, you’re a hundred percent right!”

He thanked Edna for the cookies and headed straight for his garage.

Selwyn spent the next month working on his house. He fixed the gutters, the shutters and the roof. He painted the house a warm shade of yellow. The shutters he painted a strong blue. He planted a beautiful garden in the front.

When he was all done, he stood in front of his house and admired it.

“Now this is a house I can sell!” he said out loud.

He started for the garage to make another “For Sale” sign, but then he realized he didn’t want to part with his house. It looked so nice he wanted to keep it.

He did, however, go to his garage to make another sign. It was a perfectly square sign that read, “Selwyn’s Fine Signs.” He pounded it into his front lawn.

From then on, Selwyn kept busy making beautiful signs for other people, but he always found time to make sure his own house looked fine.

This story is protected by International Copyright Law, by the author, all rights reserved. If found posted anywhere other than with this note attached, it has been posted without my permission.

Copyright © Copyright for all stories submitted by QuirkyStories belongs to D. Benjamin Baskin. This copyright extends to any original characters featured in stories submitted by QuirkyStories. Please consult with author if you wish to incorporate any QuirkyStories story in a publication or compilation, adapt it to another format or media, or profit by it in any manner.

To link to this story from your site - please use the following code:

<a href="">Selwyn's Fine Signs</a>

You may also like...

Comments (4)

Tell us why

Please tell us why you think this story should be removed.