I wantit made crystal clear that this story is certainly not based on personal experience but after talking to my wife's side of the family I've learned a few things.

Ooooh, Where's that aspirin, it's supposed to be right here. Why did somebody move the aspirin?

Ah, there it is, thank God. Should I take one or two? I better take four, all it can do is kill me and right now, that would be a relief. What do I wash it down with?

What's in my mouth? Did I eat something bad? Yuck, that tastes bad. I gotta get that taste out of my mouth. Orange juice maybe. The frig, that's it. Why is the floor rocking? Man, that hurt when I hit that door jamb! I know how that opens, think. Oh yea, the handle, pull it. Orange juice, wasn't that what I was looking for? There it is!

Oh man, that hits the spot, maybe a little more. Ah, that's good and cold. Oh, wait a minute.....oh, that's not good..... oh, the sink. Gotta get to the sink, won't make the bathroom.........YUGHHH... YUGHH.

Yeack, patoiee, lordy, that's terrible. What was I drinking? Acid? Maybe a little water. NO, don't swallow it, just rinse your mouth........ Yea, that's better.

I better go lay down. Okay, let go of the counter, careful now, don't fall. Get your balance first, then go, it's just down the hall, one step at a time. Ouch, that same jamb again!

Okay, here we go, slow and easy. WHAT'S THAT NOISE! The phone, get it quick. Why is it so loud today? Alright, got it.

“Hello......Yea, it's me, quit shouting.....Quit laughing too, what do you want?........If you don't quit laughing I'm going to hang up.......What about my car?.......How did you get my car?........Uh, yea, it's probably a good thing you took my keys, but how did I get home?......No, she did?..... Why would Mrs. Sexton drive me home?.......I did WHAT?........ Did Mr. Sexton see me do that?........Well, that's good.......Who told him?...... Why did she tell him?......Yea, I know I brought her to the party, but why is she mad at me?......No, I don't believe that, why would I do that?.....Look, wait a couple hours and come over, I have to lay down.....Okay, see you later.”

Wha..What's that? Who's pounding? Oh yea, it's probably Jim.

“Hold your horses and quit pounding, I'm coming, I'm coming.... C'mon in, Jim. Now, what's this about me goosing the bosses wife, I didn't really do that, did I?”

“You sure as hell did, I think she went about two feet in the air and did she ever let out a whoop. I'll bet they heard her downtown and thought there was a fire engine coming.”

“How am I ever going to face her again. Do you think I should call her and apologize? I don't want to lose my job.”

“Rick, my boy, I don't think you have to worry about her. She liked it, why do you think she drove you home?”

“Oooh boy, I don't even remember that. What did Sexton say about his wife driving me home, I'll bet he's pissed.” Did he fire me last night or is he going to wait 'til Monday?”

“Rick, you were born lucky. He wasn't even there when you left with Mrs. Sexton, he'd already left with your girlfriend.”

“Melissa? He left with Melissa? How the hell did that happen? Where were they going?”

“Well, after you called her a slut for hanging all over him I guess she thought she might as well live up to it and they went hot and heavy in the corner 'til they left. I have no idea where they went, but I could guess.”

“Wait a minute, Jim, slow down. How did all this start? I don't remember much after doing shots of tequila in the kitchen with somebody, and I think I was in an argument with somebody else, but outside of that, it's a blank.”

“Alright, listen. Everybody was more than a little gassed and Melissa started dancing with Sexton. Pretty soon they were dirty dancing, she had her arms around his neck and was grinding him, and he had both hands on her butt. You didn't like that and pulled her away and the two of you argued. When you called her a slut she slapped you and started crying on Sexton's shoulder.”

“Oh lord, this just keeps getting worse and worse.”

“You ain't heard the rest yet, Rick, and you don't look so good. Let's go in the kitchen and I'll make some coffee while you sit. I think you'll want to be sitting for the rest.”

While Jim was putting the coffee together Rick asked, “Do you think I'll get canned, Jim? It's tough getting another job now and I've got payments I have to make.”

“Just relax, you might come out of this okay. A lot is going to depend on Kate.”

“Kate, who the hell is Kate? I don't know any Kate.”

“You do now, buddy boy, Kate is Mrs. Sexton. She insisted you call her Kate after you took a good grab of her ass, not that I blame you, she has a very nice one.”

“Jim, I swear, if you want me to throw up all over you, just keep stretching this story out. You're making me sicker by the minute.”

“Alright, keep your shirt on. Oh, that's right, you don't have one on. No, don't throw that, I'll tell you. Well, Kate saw the argument and she saw her husband and your girlfriend making out and she was mad. So when you grabbed her she must have thought what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Uh, is the goose or the gander female? Wait! If you throw that I'll quit talking altogether.”

“You better quit torturing me, Jim, or that's not all I'll throw.”

“Well, you and her went and sat on the couch and got real chummy. Her husband and Melissa had left by that time after Melissa told him that you'd goosed her and she'd liked it. Then the two of you left, that's all I know. You don't remember, huh?

“Just little pieces are coming back, but nothing I can say I remember too well. Boy, I stink. Thanks for the coffee, it helped a lot, but I have to shower and clean up. Take it easy, I'll be out in a little while.”

Rick sat in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the paper he'd brought when the was a loud yell of distress from the bedroom. He jumped up and ran in to see Rick standing there in his underwear, staring at something in his hand. “What's the matter, Rick, you look like you've seen a ghost?

Rick answered, “I was switching things from one pair of pants to another and found this in my pocket.” As he opened his hand some bright red panties fell from it.

Jim smirked, “I don't think that color suits you, Rick. I always had you pegged as wearing black.”

“Shut up you idiot. What in hell am I going to do now? I can't remember anything but something must have happened or I wouldn't have those.”

“If I were you, Rick, one thing I'd do is give up tequila shots, I don't think they do much to advance your career.”

“I'm going to throttle you, Jim, if it's..” Just the the phone rang. Rick looked at the caller ID

and blanched. “It's the Sexton's number, what should I do?”

“You might as well answer it, whichever one it is isn't going to go away, but put it on the speaker, you might need a witness.”

Rick hit the button and in a tremulous voice said, “Hello.”

“Hi, Rick, this is Kate. Are you about ready or are you still feeling a little hungover? You really did have a package on last night, and I guess I didn't do too bad either.”

“Uh, Mrs., uh, Kate, yea, I still feel real punk, and I'm not thinking too good either. Things just are going in and out, can you remind me what I'm supposed to be ready for?”

Kate's voice was a little cooler when she said, “Surely you remember we're going up to my cabin this afternoon. Just how much of last night do you remember?”

Jim motioned for Rick to cough as he wrote on the pad next to the phone.

Rick had to stop his fake coughing or he would have up-chucked again but did read the note. “Uh, it's like I said, things are going in and out, but I certainly remember the important parts.”

This time Kate's voice was much warmer, “Well, I should think you would, you young stud. Why don't you take an Alka Seltzer or something and call me back when you feel better. I guess there's no rush, talk to you later.” and she hung up.

“Now what the hell do I do, Jim? I can't have you following me around writing a script for me the rest of my life. Somehow I have to figure out what happened last night.”

“I've got an idea Rick. You know my uncle Chuck and what a boozer he is. Let me call him and see if he knows anything that'll jar your memory loose.”

After a twenty minute call and a lot of notes Jim said, “Alright, he knows a cure, but it's no fun he says. Are you up for it?”

“I have to do something, I don't care how bad it is, I'm in.”

Jim went to the local drugstore and supermarket. It didn't take him too long and was back about an hour later with two bags of supplies. As he came in he told Rick, “You stay in here. I'm going to make this in the kitchen and I promised my uncle I wouldn't let anyone see how it's made.”

Rick could hear Jim in the kitchen mixing, chopping and making something on the stove. When he returned he had a large glass of some grape colored mixture. He ordered Rick, “ Go in the bathroom and I'll give you this. You have to drink it all down quick.”

“Uh, why the bathroom? Is it that bad?”

“How the hell would I know, I wouldn't drink it.” When they entered the bathroom Jim handed the glass to Rick, and he smelled it.

“Huh, it smells pretty good. All at once, huh. Well down the hatch.” and Rick chugged it down, then said, “That didn't taste bad at all.”

Jim warned Rick, “ I think you better take you pants off, you just put them on fresh and why mess them up. Better yet, why don't you just strip, I'll take your clothes in the other room.”

Rick now looked very apprehensive but did as instructed, then sat on the edge of the tub for a while. Suddenly he had a very curious look on his face, followed a few seconds later by one consternation as he jumped for the porcelain throne.

Rick said, “I'll just wait in the other room.” and left with a worried look on his face. He sat in the adjoining room, making sympathetic facial expressions as he heard the noises coming from the bathroom. He checked his watch periodically and after a period of time went to the kitchen and returned with a smaller glass of some concoction.

When he opened the bath door he saw Rick sitting there with his head in his hands, visibly trembling.

He put his hand on Rick's sweating shoulder and said, “Here, drink this now.”

“Are you nuts, Jim. I'm lucky to be alive and you want me to drink more? No thanks.”

“This is to counteract that stuff you drank. If you don't drink it you'll be hours, maybe days, recovering.

This stuff will taste terrible, but it'll fix you up. Now drink it.”

With a shaking hand he took the glass, closed his eyes, and drank it down. “Yee gods, that's terrible. Are you sure you're a friend of mine?”

Jim said, “Give it a couple minutes, then take a shower and I'll give you your clothes.”

In a surprisingly short time Rick appeared looking quite a bit better than he had earlier in the day. He quipped to Jim, “I guess you are a friend, I feel pretty good. In fact, I'm hungry, let's find something to eat. I'm cooking though, I don't trust you with a stove after your last bit of kitchen work.”

As they sat eating Rick told Jim, “I remember almost everything now and I'm not in as big a pot as I thought. Kate and I didn't get it on last night, she gave me her panties as a sort of down payment. I don't think either of us could have, but she might think we did when she saw she didn't have them. That's why she called me a stud, I think. I don't think she remembered either.”

Jim pondered a bit, then said, “You're still not free and clear. If she thinks you two did the dirty deed that's as good as having done it. How do you tell a woman that you didn't when she thinks you did? And what about your trip to her cabin, how are you going to handle that, oh wise one? And there's still the matter of her husband.”

“Jim, you sure can ruin a good meal. Right now I don't have the foggiest idea how I'm going to keep my job, much less straighten this mess out. I don't even know if I want to. Kate is a beautiful woman who seems to have the hots for me and I'm not adverse to a little hanky panky if I can figure a safe way to do it, which I can't right now. You're the idea man, tell me.”

“Why sure, Rick. I'll start work on that right away and when I figure it out I'll wheel my wheelchair over to your wheelchair and tell you, that's how old we'll be. But I think you better think of something because she'll be calling here again if you don't call her.”

“Oh sure, and what am I going to tell her. That I'm still sick? Hey, maybe that might work if I groan or something over the phone. I'll tell her that I'm still not even dressed because I feel so rotten.”

Jim was sprawled in a chair by the window looking out. He suddenly sat up and said, “I don't think you should tell her that because she just parked out front and is on her way in. I'd hide those panties too.”

“Damn, I can't hide. What am I doing? I guess I'll just tell her the truth and hope for the best.”

There was a knock at the door and Jim opened it. Kate walked in, giving Jim a questioning look. She was a stunning woman, with long blond hair and a ripe figure, dressed in outdoor clothing and high boots. She looked to be around thirty years old, give or take a few either way, just a few years older than Rick.

“Ah, there you are Rick. I came by to see if I could get you anything for your hangover, but I see you're doing alright.” Then turning to Jim, “You're Jim, aren't you? I think we met at work a few times when I was visiting my husband and, of course, last night at the party.”

Jim answered, “Yes, that's right Mrs. Sexton. I work with Rick. I just came by to deliver some medicine for him.” He then addressed Rick, “I could only get the one dose, but they'll have the rest ready later. I'll pick it up and bring it over so you don't miss any. You know how important the doctor said to not miss any.”

“Medicine?” Kate asked. “ What's the matter Rick? Do you have an illness besides a hangover?”

Jim jumped in before Rick could stammer something, “You know how modest Rick is. He didn't want anyone to know how he caught it saving those kittens. It's just an infection and will be okay in a day or so.”

Kate walked over to Rick and stroked his cheek, saying, “You poor dear, saving some little kittens. I knew you were compassionate after last night, but I didn't realize how much. You must tell me all about it.”

“Uh, sure, okay, but how about later, my mind is still not working too well and I have to get it straight myself.”

“Oh Rick, you're such a dear. You were willing to go without your medicine to go with me to the cabin. Well, I was going to cancel an appointment with my lawyer so we could go but it's more important that you stay healthy. We can always go when you're better.”

Jim asked, “A lawyer? You're not in trouble, are you?”

“No, I'm not, but that miserable toad I'm married to is. I'm divorcing him. This has been coming on for a while, but last night finally did it for me. I've had enough of his philandering.”

Rick frowned and said, “I suppose he'll be madder than all get out now. He'll probably fire all of us.”

Kate chuckled and ridiculed that assertion, “You don't have to worry about that. He doesn't own the company, I do. The only firing is going to be his sorry butt. How long have you been his assistant, Rick?”

“Uh, about five years, but I've been taking over the day to day stuff for the last couple of them. Why do you ask that?”

“Someone has to do it after he's gone, and you're the best candidate so far. We'll talk about it.”

Rick put his arm around Kate and said to Jim, “Thanks for bringing my car and the medicine. I have enough now to last me until later in the evening, so I won't keep you any more, Jim. You're a real pal.” The last was given with a broad wink.

As Jim walked down the street to the bus stop he said, “I've seen some lucky people in my life, but he sure tops them all.”