...it's my Beetlejuice and not your karaoke dancing with a shadow and memories with whimsical pistachio green shells listening to the coffee pot's concierge paint mustaches on the ink well's clam sliding on the escalator without a destination it's my Beet...
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Humor Stories
Stories in this genre involve humorous observations on life, slapstick comedy, satire and funny people thrown into everyday situations.
Plots either focus on the ridiculous or include comedic injections throughout the story.
If you think laughter is the best medicine, submit your funny stories here or take a look at one of the submissions below for a good dose of humor.
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...it's my Beetlejuice and not your karaoke dancing with a shadow and memories with whimsical pistachio green shells listening to the coffee pot's concierge paint mustaches on the ink well's clam sliding on the escalator without a destination it's my Beet...
Chocolate Chip Tragedy
A tiny morsel lostDarn it! I just lost a chocolate chip on the floor. It fell right out of the pumpkin chocolate chip cookie; I was so much enjoying. What a bummer! Since that is the best part or shall I say the highlight of it all. Yes, of course, the rest of the cookie i...
I went to the doctor’s recently, and after hearing my symptoms he diagnosed that I had Age Activate Attention Deficit Disorder. These were my symptoms: I need to wash my car. As I head towards the garage, I notice the mail on the hall table. I decide to g...
Footless crow rising from a storm of bed with green flies swallowing the dead while life is at rest sucking on numb because in the end, we are all spoon-fed striking a lucifer for a twilight shag as zombies eat from plastic bags moldy old banana bread fro...
“I saw Sally in the butchers the other day.” “Oh yes.” “Yes, she’s really piling on the pounds.” “I noticed that. She told me that her doctor said that she had an underactive thyroid.” “Ha, and overactive knife and fork if you ask me.” “Yes, you are proba...
Feeling really bloated squeezed inside this box, so, "How did The Game of Thorns end?" It's a little cold this time of year, the wife forgot my socks, but I'm wearing my best suit. Also a little quiet, but things pick up at midnight, when worms go on the...
Rising from the dust of chalk, 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, and 1 frigging bag of Cheetos. Who gives a rhinoceros? Ask the fool, who Thomas Jefferson was? He can't recite the Pledge of Allegiance but he knows how many chicken wings are in a bushel, that...
I Am Woman, Hear Me Rorschach
Perception is reality, unless it isn't, but it could be..."If jumping to conclusions was an Olympic event, you’d take the gold.” "Seriously?" "Shut up!" an exasperated Maeve shot back. "Don't mock me. I'm not good at this." Kerri glared at her soon-to-be, in-a-long-line of ex-girlfriends, girlfriend, reading CHE...
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Drill Instructor Big Blunder
Drill Instructor Memory Laps Leads to Empty BunkWhile in Marine Corp ITR boot camp at Camp Pendleton, CA our platoon was on our full gear twenty-mile hike. We were drudging up a several hundred-yard dirt roadway puffing every step of the way when one of the platoon members, a "maggot" as we were referr...
Happy Check-up
Elderly man takes doctor's advice.Elderly Joe Vickers faced Doctor Reed and asked for a full physical examination. The doctor looked puzzled, “Why now?” Joe smiled, “I’m getting married.” “That’s splendid.” “I’m eighty-two and she’s twenty-four,” Joe said. The doctor looking dubious, but...
My Embarrassing Story
This story happened in 1990, when I was in my twentiesMy name is Leila. I'm afraid of earthquakes since childhood. One night I was alone and getting ready for bed. Suddenly I felt an earthquake. I was so terrified that I ran for the door as fast as I could without thinking. I made it to the stairs, and then...
Seasonal Gratitudes
Nine year old says 'Thank you.'to relativesA nine-year-old coerced into writing thank you letters to relatives after Christmas, finds tact a problem. Dear Aunt Maude, I hope you had a lovely Christmas. Thank you for the present. Socks were just what I needed (Mom says), and such an unusual pattern...
Santa vs. Zombies
Santa has a long naughty list this year.A corpulent man dressed in a red suit with an ermine collar stepped off the sleigh onto the roof. The full moon shone brightly on the new-fallen snow and he walked in semi-midday luster to the chimney. He paused at each of his reindeer to give them a pat...
Out Of The Frying Pan
Horror but with joke endingThe light in the tavern is dim. 14th century Britains don't expect any better. Gobbo peers at Zoppo, not minding that he can't see him well. “So,” asks Gobbo, “is this the Great Plague or the Black Death?” “Who gives a swive,” says Zoppo. “Some historians...
The Wish
If you had one wish, what would you wish for?Three men had been friends for most of their lives, from elementary school through college. They had even been working at the same firm since graduation. In their late twenties, they decided to go on vacation together to a remote tropical resort. Their na...