Irie : by Jon Clayton

My memoir is about a two-week solo vacation I had in Jamaica where I spent one week at an upscale all-inclusive resort and the other detained at a 3rd-world condition psychiatric ward against my will.

During the two weeks, I lived in a way previously unknown while discovering my true nature, multiple forms of love, the depravity and selfishness of mankind, the strength of the purposeful and righteous individual, the power of music, what it means to truly have no fear of death, and the power of Nature and The Creator.

The story is about discovering both an existential happiness and the purpose of life, through a trial by fire. All of these experiences ultimately culminate in a profound climax that blurs the line between reality and the metaphysical, sanity and insanity and leaves the reader to speculate if this was all the result of a powerful imagination, if I was drugged, or the impossible, if it is all true.

Below is an excerpt from the memoir titled “Eve”.

“Eve”: Part: 1

Now that I had my situation taken care of, I could process and see what was around me. I returned to the buffet and actually looked at what food was there. For some reason, my senses were on fire. Was the weed kicking in late? It’s like that sometimes. I knew where my mind was though so I wasn’t tripping too bad and my shades were still on so I was good.

Smells of grilling meat and seafood pulled me to the meat section where I spotted fresh grilled skewered shrimp, steak, and lemon-spiced salmon fillet. I took a portion of all three meats and accompanied it with fresh romaine lettuce and bright red cherry tomatoes. Looking at my plate, I felt blessed. Junior came over and bought me red wine without me even asking. My man. Things were looking up.

I sat down and was about to indulge when I spotted three fine women sitting two tables ahead of me. They were at a table for four and I quickly observed that at their table a lone set of glasses and tableware had been untouched. It suddenly dawned on me. That is my seat. I’m not really sure where this clarity of thought came from but I knew I was right.

I picked up my plate and my glass of wine and walked over to their table, placed my things down and sat. They immediately stopped talking and looked at me.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

Collectively, they all smiled and began laughing.

Yep, it was definitely my seat. The girl to my right was cute. She had on a sleeveless top and a flowing skirt and a very mischievous smile. I quickly deduced from her confidence and her quickness in response that she was the leader.

Smiling, she asked, “Well, you’ve already taken the seat haven’t you?”

I smiled. “I guess you’re right.”

I took my shades off and placed them in front of me and I quickly noted that the food on their plates was scattered and thoroughly tampered with. They were finished eating.

“You three about to leave?”

“We were about to,” said the woman sitting directly in front of me, flashing a suggestive smile then biting down on her straw.

Through a brief exchange of courtesy, I discovered that the women were from England. The short girl to my right who spoke first was Tanisha, the one biting on the straw was Sherise and the one to her left was Eve.

Initially, I was feeling Sherise because of the way she kept looking at me and biting her straw. She had beautifully twisted braids, neatly trimmed eyebrows, full lips and a beautifully curved thick body. She also had a lisp, which when combined with her English accent was at once funny and sexy as hell.

At one point in the ensuing conversation, Sherise kept saying one word particularly funny. It may have been “pineapple” or something. I made fun of her and showed her how to pronounce the word correctly. She attempted to say it back but would repeatedly say it incorrectly and look at me and I would correctly parrot the word and look at her. We did this for a few seconds and Eve and Tanisha got a kick out of this and laughed while watching our word play.

The Odd thing was, this little game quickly took on a very flirtatious intimate back and forth exchange. Our eyes met and we were simultaneously watching each other’s mouth and eyes. I would say pineapple and she would repeat the word slowly while I watched how her tongue would neatly and slowly slide between her teeth getting caught for a fragment of a second, thus creating the lisp.

She saw what I was thinking and became a little more deliberate with her tongue motion sliding it ever slowly. I leaned in a little closer getting a better look and she smiled, repeating the word and leaning slightly closer to me. My lips mimicked hers and…

Tanisha’s laugh broke the trance and at once we were all laughing.

For a second, the girls tuned me out and spoke quickly amongst themselves and their accents and slang caused me to miss most of what was said.

All I caught was some sort of inquiry regarding what they were going to do later, and some sexual jokes made (I assumed about me). Nevertheless, I played it cool and I was at ease with my new acquaintances as they reminded me of some girls back at home.

Junior came and brought me some more wine. He flashed me a smile of acknowledgment and respect and I smiled in return. My man.

Now see, the more Sherise spoke, the less I became interested. After the appeal of her accent and lisp had worn off, I realized she lacked something. I didn’t know what it was but I didn’t care to find out because Eve was starting to seem interesting.

Eve had beautiful long braids as well and the most curious eyes I had seen in a while. Her skin tone was slightly lighter than my own with a milk chocolate smoothness and even color. While talking to Sherise, I noticed that Eve was looking at me, yet when I would look her way, she would sort of roll her eyes and continue talking to Tanisha.

Her refusal to engage with me made me assume she had an attitude problem and an aura of intelligence and haughtiness to her, (which I later discovered was a façade). Her attitude annoyed me and intrigued me at the same time. So despite her feigned indifference, I still kept sneaking glances in her direction and smiling. She saw me looking and eventually started smiling despite herself.

When she smiled, I noticed her white teeth, which were not overbearing. They accented her lips just enough so that when she smiled and flashed them I couldn’t help but flash my own smile.

Eventually, she spoke to me.

She asked me why I wore shades at night. I miserably tried to articulate the purpose of the shades but I was slightly tipsy and blazed and for some reason I found that despite being in the presence of these beautiful ladies and having taken care of the theft situation I was still really angry about it and paranoid.

All that I managed to say was a lot of unwarranted and intense violent nonsense. I remember ranting about “fuckboys” and some shit about “Opps” not being able to see my eyes. I even brandished my knife and showed Eve and the ladies that I was prepared to kill a man if necessary.

In retrospect, I’m not sure why I said or did any of this. Most certainly, my intentions were not to impress them or scare them, but I guess I was just trying to explain and assert myself. It was honestly how I felt. I’m pretty sure I looked and sounded both crazy and dangerous. After all, I was acting like a drunken brute. Funny thing was they didn’t leave.

They weren’t shaken by my craziness, and Eve, in fact, found my behavior profoundly funny and she and her friends laughed their asses off. I wasn’t sure if they were laughing at me which at first made me really embarrassed, but then I watched Eve in particular who was nearly at the point of crying and I couldn’t help but smile.

Even if she was laughing at me, the sound of pleasure in her laugh made me smile despite myself and like her even more. I imagined that most women would have been very afraid of me after that brash display, but Eve wasn’t; she laughed. She and her girls were what we call “thorough” back home.

They had clearly been around my type before and I knew that I wouldn’t have to present the watered down version of myself. Me being real (perhaps too real, and slightly drunk) resulted in Eve and the ladies loosening up and as a result, I calmed down too and put the knife away. I realized there was no longer reason to carry the anger or paranoia.

We chatted it up for a bit longer while I finished eating. Then we decided to hit the hotel club after eating. I dapped Junior up, palmed him a five and the ladies and I took off.

***

The club was dead, they didn’t play my kind of music so the ladies and I ended up downing drinks and killing time by the bar, dancing with each other for a little bit here and there but like I said, the music wasn’t really moving me. I mean the DJ was literally a fucking disgrace and after about an hour or so we decided to ditch the joint because the music wasn’t picking up.

I was grateful to leave the noise behind because I wanted to kick it with Eve.

We all decided to stroll down by the pool area that was a stone's throw away from the club and I managed to separate Eve from her friends and we walked ahead of them.

Her English accent, use of the word “wicked” and the way she pronounced my name “Jaun” were too much for me; I intently listened as she spoke to catch all of the subtle nuances of the sound of her speech. Then there was her infectious laugh that made her body shake and she and I both smile. Something about being with her just felt natural and hypnotic. I was certain we both felt it because the sensation was everywhere and surrounding us.

As we walked over to the pool, I gleaned that she was embarking on her Senior year at the University in England or as she called it “Uni” and that she was English and Jamaican and a family oriented woman. She loved hip-hop music, reggae and had a momentary obsession with an artist named Torey Lanez. I told her about myself while she attentively listened and I tried to stay focused on what I was sharing, but I was captivated to say the least and trying hard not to stare because I was beginning to notice how remarkably beautiful she was.

Eve was no doubt attractive but her beauty seemed to reveal itself to me. It wasn’t an ostentatious beauty and wasn’t immediately noticeable in her appearance. I had to pay attention. When I spoke, I couldn’t help but notice how her eyebrows and inquisitive eyes would shift and how her face would assume this serious expression when she seemed to be focusing or intently concentrating on something I said. Her attentive expression made me very conscious of myself and seemed to bring life to my words despite me feeling like my conversation held no special significance. I also noted how she stepped and how she would gracefully move her hair to the side of her face as one of her stubborn braids repeatedly kept drifting I could tell that she was being herself and that these were not practiced maneuvers on her part in an attempt to be seductive. This woman was a queen and had immense power. I wondered if she knew?

For their amusement, Eve’s friends cracked jokes about our flirting as we walked together and I’m sure she heard them. Yet, she didn’t say anything to them and she continued to give me her attention. I didn’t say anything to them either. I was lost in Eve. Eventually they respected our space and went back to their chatter.

There were moments in our conversation where Eve would look into my eyes directly as I spoke to her. When she did this, I felt my breathing pattern change. You see everything in a person’s soul is revealed in their eyes. (This was one of the points that I failed to express earlier at the dinner table.) As I would meet her gaze, I could see that her eyes belonged to a mind that was free, intelligent and perceptive so I knew I had to tread carefully and respectfully. I wondered what she saw in my eyes? In her eyes, I saw much of myself, except for the free part. I felt that she was free in a way that I had never experienced. I wanted her to share this with me. I wanted to know more. I wanted everything, but patience is a virtue.

Our conversation led us to some poolside chairs where we all sat and relaxed.

An off-duty pool boy walked by and Sherise and Tanisha decided they were going to have fun with him. I looked at Sherise who stared at the pool boy with her mouth basically hanging open and Tanisha, who was laid back on a lounger and doing this drunken giggle. Everyone at this point was slightly intoxicated but Tanisha was very small and she had lost her fight to the alcohol well before we left the bar.

When I looked at the pool boy, I could see why they stopped him. Homeboy was good looking. He had a slightly athletic build and he had neat dreads with blond tips and was very well groomed. He was also direct and by the looks, Sherise was giving him he knew the odds were in his favor that night. She was easy. He looked at me and flashed a disarming smile. I smiled in return and said, “Respect blood.”

“Respect!” he enthusiastically replied knowing that I had no qualms about him sticking around for a bit.

Eve and I knew that things were about to get interesting, so we stopped chatting and watched the exchange. Sherise and Tanisha were going to make this pool boy work. In minutes, they literally had this man doing a dance for them, but he was a good sport, and playing it up because he was focused on Sherise and being sober gave him a slight edge.

It was a funny mating ritual to observe, especially when juxtaposed with the calm conversation that Eve and I were just engaged in. Here he was, dancing in front of Sherise to the barely audible sounds of the club music, as we all sat on loungers watching him. Sherise was really getting into it and Tanisha laughed and encouraged her to dance with him. Eve and I both flashed each other knowing smiles and continued looking.

God bless her little body, but Tanisha couldn’t hang and she eventually passed out on her pool lounger, but right before she did she said bye to Sherise who at this point was standing and holding hands with the pool boy. Sherise looked over to Eve and I. Eve smiled and waved her off and the two walked off into the darkness.

With Tanisha off in her dreams, and Sherise gone. Eve and I were suddenly all alone and it was quiet.

Suddenly, an idea hit me that was so fitting and refreshingly lucid that I wordlessly stood up, took my shirt off and began undressing down to my boxers. After my shorts had dropped to my feet, I said while smiling in triumph:

“I’m getting in the fucking pool.”

Eve covered her face and laughed while glancing at me from between her fingers.

“Jaun! What the fuck? You’re mad! It’s passed hours, look at the signs by the pool. You will get in trouble!”

I ignored her words, took off my socks and she kept laughing, but I could feel her eyes on me. She definitely was checking me out and intrigued. No doubt she wanted to see where this was going.

Hearing Eve’s laughter, Tanisha suddenly woke up, sat up and saw me standing in my boxers and burst out laughing as well. Despite knowing that I have an impressive physical build, their combined laugher was too much for my pride and I felt self-conscious, so I descended into the pool. The cool water was calming and felt amazing. I dipped in all the way up to my neck and took in the smell and feel of the night air. I felt blessed. Then, I went over to the edge of the pool nearest the ladies and stood in the water with my chin resting on my folded forearms, and began coaxing Eve to come and join me in the water.

“Love, come join me. Get in.”

Tanisha joined in.

“I dare you! I dare you!”

Eve wasn’t having it.

“I can’t believe you are in your boxers. You are crazy Jaun. I’m not getting in that water. Tanisha, shut up and go back to sleep!”

“Come on Eve, they are not going to say anything to us. I don’t know about you, but I do what I want and besides we are not bothering anyone. Get in. Trust me, it feels really good.”

“No.”

“Eve, get in with him it looks fun.”

Suddenly Eve stood up and did something that surprised Tanisha and me, something that would make my fucking night.

She walked over to the pool steps, grabbed the handrail and balanced herself on one foot while carefully removing her shoes. Then, with no pauses, no uncertainty of movement, she slowly descended into the pool, with her entire dress on! I didn’t let it show on my face but on the inside my jaw dropped and my mind was fucking blown.

Tanisha passed out from laughing.

Now I was certain of who she was and I could feel the energy both on the surface of my skin and within. She was a queen, a lioness, and she possessed a brazen and raw will that pulled from me an animal like impulse that I had never felt before. I wanted her. I waded over to her and as she descended and when she reached the final step I took her hand to help her balance, but she clearly didn’t need me, taking my hand only for a second then immediately letting it fall as she tread confidently while soaking up the impressed expression on my face.

Having her so close to me, I could feel her power and I felt like I was literally burning up. I just wanted to touch her hand again, no I needed to, touch any part of her, and she knew that. So, she reached out her hand again and let me graze her fingertips but only for a fleeting second. When I did, we looked into each other’s eyes but then she turned away from me, took the lead and I followed her slow steps as we waded away from Tanisha to a more secluded area.

As we moved, another off-duty staff member walked by the pool and in one glance he saw Tanisha asleep, my trail of clothing and Eve’s shoes. He paused for a second, seemed to be piecing it together, and then finally spotted Eve and me in a far off area of the pool.

“Respect blood.” I said.

He grinned and shook his head from side to side.

“Respect!”

As suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.

My eyes went back to Eve, who still had her back turned to me. She was either saying something to me or singing to herself. I wasn’t certain of which because I was immersed in watching her and no longer interested in words.

Her long braids trailed in the water and the poolside lights reflected off the water and enhanced the luster of these small golden clasps she had on her braids, which I hadn’t noticed before. The pool water reached her waist and stopped at the small of her back, and the water seemed to part as she glided ahead of me.

I wanted to rush suddenly up behind her, grab her, pull her to me, feel her tremble as I placed my hand on her throat and arched her head back while moving my lips from the edge of her shoulder blade to her throat. I wanted to consume her. Yet, I refrained. I knew I had to respect her and myself, but I was on the verge and I had to do something.

I reached out and gently touched her arm feeling its smoothness with my fingertips. Without turning around, she feigned surprised and took a few steps away from me. I followed. I reached out again and touched the space between her shoulder blades with my fingertips and I believe she trembled but I couldn’t tell for sure as the contact caused her to take two more furtive steps. I timed her steps and moved with her, firmly placing both of my hands on her hips and I walked behind her as she slowly continued to move. She let my hands remain and they took on a life of their own, slowly tightening and releasing their grip on her waist and moving to her stomach, to her thighs then back to her waist, and then I was certain. She was definitely trembling. So I placed my chin on her shoulder and in a hushed voice I whispered in her ear. “Are you afraid of me love?”

She suddenly stopped, turned and faced me.

My God was she beautiful, she looked at me, but she wouldn’t look me directly in the eye. You see, she looked at me in glances, and when our eyes did happen to meet, there was an intense ineffable gripping feeling that overcame me that shook me to my core and took my breath.

She spoke to me softly, but I don’t remember exactly what was said, and I don’t want to make up words that would ruin the moment, but all I do remember was that she was not afraid.

In between her words, she touched my arms, my chest, and my back. I responded by tracing my hands along her hips, gently touching her hair and playfully intertwining our fingers as our hands met.

I didn’t understand how she wasn’t afraid of me. The things I wanted to do to her. All was revealed in my eyes, and like I said, she was very perceptive. Could she not see?

It dawned on me that maybe she knew and that maybe she wanted the animal within me. I wasn’t sure.

Eventually, we got tired of the water and got out. She lay down to dry on the lounger next to Tanisha, who was fast asleep. I looked over to Eve and she smiled at me and closed her eyes.

I took the lounger next to her and lied down to dry. Surprisingly, I noted how quickly I was drying, such magnificent weather. It was dead quiet and calm. I could hear the ocean in the distance and I looked into the rich darkness of the sky dotted with stars. I began to relax a little, embracing the luxury of my circumstance. Yet, in the back of my mind, I felt the lingering guilt, reminding me of my Steph back at home.

Eve stirred and shifted on her lounger, and the noise seemed incredibly loud in the silence. I looked at her, and she was resting on her side and smiling at me. I laughed quietly and we spoke in hushed voices so as not to wake Tanisha.

“You afraid of me love?”

“Are you going to keep asking me that question Jaun, like you literally keep asking the same fucking question, are you mad!”

“Well, are you?”

“Well you’re clearly taking the piss, just be quiet for a minute will you? Honestly!”

I stopped talking and just looked at her and we both were smiling and laughing again. It dawned on me how much I was gushing emotion, a behavior I had made a strict practice never to do with women, but for some reason, with her I didn’t care and I attributed my behavior to being drunk.

I mean I thought I still was.

“Come here,” she whispered while laying back.

Reaching out, I placed my index fingertip on her thigh and she didn’t flinch. I traced my finger up and down her thigh and she tried to maintain her composure but even through my fingertips I could feel her moving slightly, her body clenching and releasing, hear the changes in her breathing and hear the threads of the lounger strain as she arched her back slightly repositioned herself. She bit her lower lip and placed my whole hand on her thigh, then placed her hand on top. I gripped her thigh and moved my hands toward her inner thigh ever so slowly but at this point my hands were out of my control, the animal had them and he was way ahead of me.

“Jaun!”

“What love?”

“You’re mad! Not here, we’re in public.”

“Love, it’s like 2 am or something, ain’t nobody here. What, you don’t like me touching you?”

“It’s not that… and Tanisha is right there.”

“So.”

“Oh my god, seriously, you’re mad!” She laughed again while gently squeezing my hand and firmly keeping it where it was.

I stood up and went over to her lounger and asked her to slide back. She obliged. Then I placed my knee in between her legs put my face close to hers and my forearm rested right beside her head. We were really close, literally lying down together at this point, but the funny thing was, in this position I wasn’t quite touching her.

She looked me in the eyes and we weren’t laughing or smiling anymore. Her eyes became hazy as she stared right into my own. I looked and searched her soul, for God knows what, but I found myself sinking into her gaze.

Her body seemed to reach up to mine, but she didn’t dare touch me either. Through this closeness, I could feel that she was definitely shaking again, but at this point, I think I was too. We spoke in whispers.

“Are you afraid of me love?”

“No Jaun, why do you keep asking me that?”

“I don’t know, but you should be afraid of me.”

“Jaun, shut the fuck up. Seriously, relax.” She placed her arms around my neck and held them there.

The conversation went on like this for a few minutes with me asking the same fucking question in different forms. I couldn’t seem, to say anything else and I couldn’t stop myself. Why was I so desperately asking her this question I wondered? What answer was I looking for? Was I afraid of myself?

Eventually, I heard footsteps and Sherise appeared out of the darkness, woke up Tanisha and was saying something about her Jamaican lover and a little penis. Eve got up from under me, excused herself and joined in their discussion and I sat there on the lounger for a minute listening to them, but mostly I was trying to process what I was feeling and thinking about at that moment.

The problem was that Eve was right; I couldn’t relax. Something was wrong. I wasn’t afraid of anything, right? At that moment, I wasn’t wasted drunk or too high. I mean I didn’t think I was. Eve was beautiful, and clearly feeling me. What the hell was wrong? Was it my guilt?

The night air on my skin was soothing; the pool water next to me was glistening and the sounds of the beach and distant sound of the music still playing in the club all enveloped me; yet, they seemed to have no effect on me, at least not the one I wanted. I wanted something unknown, but my thinking was confused and irrational. Abruptly I got up, snarled out a goodnight to Eve and the ladies. Eve looked confusedly at me, was about to say something but then she turned back to the conversation. I left the ladies and walked toward the beach.