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Never Again

"To the truth, I bare my soul..."
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It's deja vu, but not at all the same. How can that be?

Almost three years ago I almost lost you. You had been sick for months, so our life had been strained, I needed you more than you were capable of giving. We were soul mates, the couple everyone was envious of, and yet we threw it all away. Our connection had eroded weakening our commitment.

I was lonely, feeling lost and immersed in stress. And then you were admitted to ICU and they told me they didn't know if you would survive. As I sat by your side praying you would live, I also realized how far apart we had drifted. I thought I would die if I lost you, yet worried I would die if I continued being a ghost in this relationship.

And so my journey into darkness began. Online took over my life and filled the voids real life had left me. However, there are lots of wolves and scoundrels who filled those voids with lies and games. It came within seconds of ruining my life. Unfortunately, many know what happened next. But as many rotten people I met, I met some true of heart too. It is they who stopped me from destroying myself.

You moved out and I moved on, but you refused to let go. Everywhere I turned your strength invaded my mind. The harder I tried to let go, the tighter our connection became. Some nights I would get up in the middle of the night and drive to your apartment and climb in to snuggle next to you.

Eight months we walked a tightrope of hell, and then it happened. Something inside me snapped and I saw the way, I saw the light, in the darkness of the night. No matter what had happened to me, I knew the way home.

We are soul mates, forever to be. Our love unbreakable and we finally believe. It was hard rebuilding what we had decimated, but we finally understood that what we share is once in a lifetime.

Nine months after it all began, you moved back home and piece by piece we rebuilt our home. We healed wounds we never knew existed. We learned that at our deepest core is a love so strong it can take your breath away. I still don't know how you forgave me, or how you got over the fear and learned to trust me again.

Fast forward, twenty months later. Here and now.

You have been sick for weeks, once again needing you more. Damn deja vu. Not this time. We are strong and tethered our souls bound together. I need nothing but you, our love just grows stronger. They call us the love birds at the hospital because we are curled up together in your little bed.

It crosses my mind that this is where it started, but I already know it is not the same, and I don't give it a second thought, until I hear the waiver in your voice, see the hesitation in your eyes. You are aware too, that this is how it began.

Not this time.

It breaks my heart how deeply I broke your soul and I hate how much I damaged your trust. I also know your love is strong and your commitment stronger.

There will never be a time I leave your side, never again will I break your heart. We are two halves that make a whole. Our love is stronger than life could ever tear apart. We are that one in a million couple truly meant to be.

I know I let you down once before, and the thought crosses your mind how deeply I can hurt.

Never again.

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