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After You

I tried to move on.

It was our first date 


Lights dim and plates full


Perfect words spoken at just the right time


He said everything I wanted him to say


He did everything I hoped that he would do 


He walked me to my door like the perfect gentleman


He even held the door open for me while I got in the car


But no matter what was happening, all I could think of was you


Your image engraved into my mind as if you were there since the beginning


Your voice echoed in my brain as if all I could understand was your tone


Your scent etched into my senses as if all I lived and breathed was your smell


Your words a permanent reminder of everything I ever wanted and all that I couldn't have 


You said we were too different but isn't that what made us unique? 


Isn't that what made us a shooting star in the midst of the entire universe that all you could ever see was us? 


When you said different, I pictured wonderful


I pictured forever


I pictured a beautiful painting with a rainbow of colors blended in the perfect way


Oh I can see it now


A splash of color in a boring world


A beautiful field of nothing but happiness and joy 


A smile so bright that you don't even need light.


But, maybe I was delusional 


You stay imprisoned in my mind for all eternity


The ghost of what we could have accomplished a prisoner in the padded locked room that is my mind 


A puzzle to be solved that was left only half done 


An abandoned building that could have been the most sublime in its existence


I blame myself for our downfall


I blame myself for you walking away 


I couldn't fathom the world without you 


I had to face it though 


After us was destruction 


A hurricane of emotions tearing everything down in its path that we had worked so hard to build up


Remorse and pain very apparent by the evidence displayed


A tsunami of tears drenching my face at just the thought of your name


A forced smile because I was always told that I looked prettier with a smile


All I wanted was you, but all you wanted was someone else


A constant fear was left after that day


I constantly wondered what I could have done to keep your attention


I constantly worried 


But, you told me not to


Maybe I should have worried more


I wondered if I could have saved us


I wondered what I could have done to have your attention on me and not someone else


We were always so wrapped up in ourselves and each other until the day you were wrapped up in her


I wondered where we went wrong 


Then, I saw it 


I loved you too much, but you, not enough. 



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